Jennifer Love Hewitt isnt fooling anyone

By brendon November 15, 2011 @ 12:50 PM

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I don’t know how this works because women’s bodies are a baffling mystery, but Jennifer Love Hewitts tits are half the size they used to be while her ass has at least doubled. And instead of working out and getting implants before going to last nights Hollywood premiere of ‘Twilight: Mummies Kiss’ or whatever this one is called, she just pushed her big square body into a dress that was supposed to show off her cleavage. But it didn’t really work. It’s not magic for fucks sake. Mostly her tits were just all lopsided and smooshed. It was very distracting. If would be like it if I taped my dick between two rulers, then put on some baggy pants and walked around in front of her. You wouldn’t like that very much, would you Jennifer?

(source = wenn and getty)

what in the hell

By brendon August 16, 2011 @ 1:29 PM

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Jennifer Love Hewitt went shopping yesterday on Melrose, and I guess her see through skirt was supposed to give a tantalizing glimpse of her legs and be sexy, but her hips and thighs are enormous while her head and face are normal sized, so all this really does is make her look like a centaur when she’s coming toward you, which is maybe not the most flattering thing in the world. But that’s not our fault. She might as well be playing a lyre.

(image source = flynet and wenn)

guess whose sexy legs these are!

By brendon July 28, 2011 @ 4:25 PM

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So who strutted their sexy body around Beverly Hills yesterday for a little retail therapy! Here’s a hint: she’s in “Love” with getting attention for herself by telling girls to embrace their natural body type, while at the very same time she makes them feel bad about themselves by denying her body type and lying about her weight and dress size and going on crash diets or doing a People magazine cover to say how great it is to be “thin” or saying she idolizes girls like Giselle Bundchen and Halle Berry because of their perfect bodies.

Here’s another hint: she’s insane.

Lenny Kravitz is cool

By brendon June 28, 2011 @ 12:07 PM

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Lenny Kravitz looked pretty cool yesterday when he was walking around Soho and talking on a super retro corded handset. Jennifer Love Hewitt has a handset like this too. Except she only uses her at places like Starbucks when it’s real crowded, and she just goes “ring, ring” out of the corner of her mouth and then pulls the handset out of her purse. Then she says, “What? You think I’m the most beautiful girl ever and you wan’t me to model bikinis because I’m so skinny? Well, okay, ha-ha!”

(image source = bauer griffin)

statistically speaking, Jennifer Love Hewitt sucks

By brendon June 08, 2011 @ 3:48 PM

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The good news for Jennifer Love Hewitt is that she isn’t the worst, most unpopular actress to ever live. The bad news is she’s the worst, most unpopular actress since 1985.

According to Slate.com, who used their access to movie review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes, Love Hewitt is the worst-reviewed actress since 1985, the cutoff date they established as a modern era for reviews unaffected by nostalgia and the easier critics of the past.
Hewitt has the rare distinction of never having made a single “fresh” (above 60 percent on Rotten Tomatoes) film. Her average score of 18.9 owes to such duds as “Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit” (7 percent), “I Know What You Did Last Summer” (35 percent), “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” (7 percent), and both “Garfield” movies (15 percent and 11 percent, respectively).

It’s too bad they don’t factor in and compare actresses as competitive eaters, like in those hot dog eating contests they have on the 4th of July. If they had a chart like that, Jennifer would be all set.

(image source of Hewitt yesterday in West Hollywood = pcn)

Jennifer Love Chew It is single

By brendon May 04, 2011 @ 11:39 AM

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Gosh, well there’s a sentence I never thought I’d see again.

After nearly a year together, Jennifer Love Hewitt has parted ways with beau Alex Beh, her rep confirms to Us Weekly.
Back in February, all was well. “He buys me flowers every day,” she said. “Ever since we met. Every single day — I’m serious! He’ll either give me a bouquet, or handpick one. So sweet!”
(And she told) told Ellen DeGeneres in January that she she has three Tiffany engagement rings picked out — just in case.
“I actually have three because I feel like I’m doing the guy a favor,” she said. “I feel like I don’t want to be upset if he picks a bad ring.”

So she’s packed on 50 pounds, goes out in sweatpants with no make-up, AND suffocates her boyfriends with unrelenting pressure to get married? Well then why is she single? Guys love those things. All I can think is that maybe she didn’t blow enough of his friends. Other than that, she’s doing everything right.