this is Hollywoods Most Amazing Body

By brendon August 26, 2010 @ 4:30 PM

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Jennifer Love Hewitt was on the cover of People this summer for their issue about the best bodies in Hollywood. She went from fat to fabulous and now her body is amazing (their words, not mine).

And yet every picture had her hiding behind something. Whenever she’s in a magazine, it’s like she was on a walk in the woods and a stranger started chasing her. She’s always peering out from behind something.

Well this is why. In reality she’s a complete mess, as you can see in these pictures taken today in Toluca Lake. Which would be fine except she wants credit for telling women to love their body while constantly lying about her own. Her ass is so big you could hit it with a paddle and it would take over a minute before her brain got the message and she said, “Ow.”

jennifer love hewitt is an unstable lunatic

By brendon June 18, 2010 @ 3:07 PM

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Two more pictures from Jennifer Love Hewitts photo shoot for People, part of their ’50 Most Amazing Bodies’ cover story, are online (see them here), and of course she talks about how much she loves her body now. And yet by shocking coincidence there’s something in front of her hips in every single picture. Just like there was in her Maxim photo shoot. There was nothing to stand behind in 2008 on the cover of Us, so to prove that she didn’t have a big ass anymore she stood sideways. Ta-da.

She wants to be in the spotlight for loving her “curves” and encouraging others to do the same, while at the same time she wants credit for losing weight, and as proof of neither one she takes a bunch of pictures where she stands behind stuff.

This chick can’t tell the truth about anything. She hasn’t lost weight and she hates it, but she thinks we’re too dumb to notice. Hey guess what? That shit didn’t work. I’m looking right at you. Look if you need more time to lose weight before taking bikini pictures, I don’t mind waiting. By all means go for it.

jlh loves the way she looks. wait never mind.

By brendon June 16, 2010 @ 2:48 PM

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The article from People is a perfect microcosm of Jennifer Love Hewitt. It’s a looping combination of retardation and denial that only she could manage. Please trust me when I tell you that both these quotes are from the very same 300 word interview. We start here…

In a world that’s overly focused on body image, Jennifer Love Hewitt is urging young women not to obsess about weight – because it’s simply not worth it.
“When I meet young girls, I’m always like, ‘Just do me one favor,’ ” she tells PEOPLE in its new issue. “Love what you look like right now – and remember I said it 10 years from now because it’s the greatest gift I can give.”

But somehow finish here…

(Hewitt) still fesses up to dreaming about having a certain body type.
“I’d want to have Gisele Bundchen’s body. Even though she’s tall and skinny, she does have curves … and I think that’s hot,” says Hewitt. “Halle Berry also is kind of amazing.”

I don’t mean to dwell in the past but you just said girls should love their own body. Then you named two unattainable standards of beauty that no one could live up too and that you yourself envy.

But, whatever. Good. I’m glad she’s so transparently miserable. She should stop trying to make people feel like superficial dicks just because she let herself go to hell. Fuck her. She might as well done this entire interview by making little oinky piggy sounds.

what in the hell is this

By brendon June 14, 2010 @ 2:18 PM

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Travis Pastrana I mean Jennifer Love Hewitt went for a workout this weekend, and hopefully she’s on her way to another workout because the first one didn’t work at all. Either that or she only worked out her head and the workout was amazing. It doesn’t even look like that head is on the right body. If you only saw the top half, this, she’s not bad to be honest. Unfortunately you can say the same thing about a minefield. In both cases the part you can’t see is pretty damn important.

(source = splash news online)

love hewitt wants to play wonder woman, is delusional

By brendon June 10, 2010 @ 10:50 AM

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I don’t think there’s been any movement on the Wonder Woman movie in years, but Jennifer Love Hewitt seems to think there is, and that she would be a perfect choice to play the superhero. I wonder how she plans on getting her fat ass in that costume.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is pleading with movie studio bosses at Warner Bros. to hire her for the part.
She says, “I’m fighting so hard. I think Warner Bros. is getting ready to make Wonder Woman and I really want to play Wonder Woman. I am obsessed with Wonder Woman.”

You can forget about it fatty. Just cast Megan Fox. Or Denise Milani (below). Wonder Woman doesn’t really do anything anyway so how hard could it be. She was constantly getting captured and none of her ideas ever worked. She would lasso the monsters foot and then the monster would walk away with a lasso on its foot and after that she had no plan. At best she would distract the monster with her big tits and slutty little outfit, turning it from a regular monster to a horny monster with a hard on, which is actually much much worse than a regular monster, I would have thought. 

jennifer love chewit is an idiot

By brendon March 24, 2010 @ 5:07 PM

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I’m sure everyone has already been to NPR today, but if you haven’t, there’s a review of Jennifer Love Hewitts advice book on dating. And it’s every bit as dumb as it sounds. Keep in mind she just got dumped for like the 50th time. Nonetheless some masochist collected a few gems of romantic wisdom…

(From a list of “Strikes”. Meaning if a guy does these things, he’s not the right one) “He keeps saying ‘That’s so dumb’ when you’re talking.”

I don’t know how to break this to you honey but most people aren’t told “that’s so dumb” when they talk. Or at least not so often that they have to make rules about it. Seems like we should be writing an advice book for you. Chapter 1: Shutting The Fuck Up.

“This is embarrassing and personal, but once a month, since I was twelve years old, I go to my favorite jewelry store and try on my dream ring.”

Jennifer Love Hewitt is 31. So she’s been going to the same jewelry store every month for 19 years and wasting their time. Oh I bet they just love that.

(From the list of 20 Things To Do After A Breakup) “Make out with a stranger (he must be gorgeous or you’ll feel worse).”

“Make out”? What if you’re not 12, what then?

“Remember, your body is a temple, not a 7-Eleven.”

Temple? I think she means “tempora”.

(Two things every man should know is) “How to pick a diamond,” and “To always have a coat for you.”

Always have a coat? Was there a page missing between those two sentences? A coat? Coat? Like … at, at my house? Or give her my coat if it’s starts raining or something? Because if it wasn’t raining when we left, I probably don’t have a coat either genius. What do you think, my car makes coats?