By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 11:01 AM
I give Jenny McCarthy an A for effort. She tried super hard to bring back polio and whooping cough, though she only succeeded among wealthy white moms who educate themselves through Facebook and Xanax. She took a stab at the movies in a couple classics solely available on the bottom shelf at Slovakian Blockbusters. She proved too not-fat for The View where dumb is certainly no issue. Now, radio. When you’re a person who sells themselves entirely on the superficial, radio is the place for you. It’s hard to know how well Jenny’s vagina talk show is doing on SiriusXM but based on past performance, you’d have to say between mediocre and about to be let go in an overly effusive corporate statement. It’s probably difficult to look back on your entertainment career and note that your lone success came when you were young and spread eagle in a magazine. Or maybe it’s awesome, because you know, most people never even get that.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex September 26, 2014 @ 10:03 AM
Jenny McCarthy has two commercially viable skills: flashing her tits and telling dirty jokes. The moment these saloon whore party tricks stop, America tunes her out, save for a brief time when she convinced rich white women that vaccines were bad and polio was good thereby reversing the tide of deadly virus regression in the Western World. Minor footnote in the Wikipedia page. After being fired from the View for being unable to speak intelligently even by the View standards, Jenny took to SiriusXM Radio in her Dirty Sexy Funny radio show. There, eleven paid subscribers can guffaw as Jenny riffs uncensored on topics of the day such as how to give a cat a blowjob, would you eat a hot girls shit during sex, and whether you can use hysterectomy remains as a prophylactic. When the listener base dropped to single digits, Jenny flashed her tits for the in-studio cameras. You should never forsake your roots.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Getty, Splash
By Lex September 01, 2014 @ 10:54 AM
Fuck you for telling a lady on her wedding days she can’t feel like a virgin. Jenny McCarthy looked like an angel with silicon tits at her marriage over the weekend to the less successful Wahlberg brother. While celebrity marriages face long odds, celebrity marriages where both spouses have clear calendars until their iPhones stop counting stand a remarkably good chance at success.
Mark Wahlberg was unable to attend the wedding because he didn’t have enough airline points. Also because he’s a Catholic who believes you charitably accept wayward whores, you don’t marry them. Everybody was happy for Donnie for bagging the busty blond so they could update his Wiki page for the first time in twenty years. Donnie’s already practiced his ‘no comment’ smile for when reporters ask him if he agrees with his wife that ebola is natural and just makes kids stronger.
Photo credit: INF Photos
By Jack September 01, 2014 @ 9:20 AM
Marky Mark Wahlberg decided to not attend the wedding of his brother Donnie to screeching succubus Jenny McCarthy. Maybe he hates her because she is a batshit crazy anti-vaxxer bitchhole or maybe it’s just that he likes being the only asshole in the room and doesn’t want to share the spotlight.
Read all about Marky Mark’s feely feelings. (Dlisted)
Playmate April Summers has some big ‘ol titty balls. (COED)
“The Jersey Shore Massacre” may be the best movie ever. By best movie I mean a huge pile of shit. (Huffington Post)
Freckle-faced Nadine Leopold is hot as fuck in this spread for Urban Outfitters. (Popoholic)
Arianna Grande wears a very short skirt on the Today Show. Very short. (Drunken Stepfather)
Nina Dobrev in a bikini on a yacht. Happy fucking Labor Day! (Egotastic)
I fucking hate Rihanna but appreciate her in a bikini. (The Superficial)
By Lex July 18, 2014 @ 2:04 PM
When a true entertainment talent like Jenny McCarthy decides it’s time to leave The View after being fired, it’s like LeBron’s ‘Decision’. It’s just a matter of picking where she wants to spread her talent. Last week, she took a gig showing off her tits at a pool party in an off-strip Vegas hotel. Now, she’s launched her SiriusXM radio show Dirty Sexy Funny, because she’s almost one of those things.
The idea of having the microphone and being able to say whatever — I want that kind of freedom. The only analogy I can give is me going to Catholic school all my life and then when I went to college. That [kind of] freedom. I went nuts!”
In case you don’t follow Jenny McCarthy, you probably don’t realize she likes to mention the word college in every possible interview. She will torture the shit out of an analogy to remind you she took a couple classes at Southern Illinois before dropping out. But I guess she means she was heavily restricted at The View and now at Sirius she can fuck any guy who’s cute and lives in the football frat.
On her inaugural show this week, Jenny talked about explaining sex to her eleven year old son. That’s more Awkward Invasive Lame than Dirty Sexy Funny. But she’ll come around to more stories about getting married to the lesser Walhberg soon enough. It’s hard to estimate ratings on Sirius programs because it’s all subscription based, but if you pick eleven people as the size of her audience, I’m picking the under and taking the pot.
By Lex July 14, 2014 @ 11:58 AM
When Jenny McCarthy left The View due to being the worst swimmer in an intellectual pool of limbless ladies, she was given sixty seconds on air to talk about how her next project was going to be equally as huge and annoying. She fake laughed about how it would be a project where she didn’t need to fight for talking time and one that might even compete with The View itself. The three ladies in the audience not busy monitoring their blood sugar levels gasped just a little. But nobody could’ve have expected the children’s viral Phoenix to rise like she did, showing off her tits as a pool party hostess at one of the second tier Vegas casinos. She didn’t need to fight for talking time, she didn’t need to talk at all. And there’s no denying her fake tits are competition for The View, at least until Rosie O’Donnell pulls back her fleshy meat curtains to reveal her surrogate pregnancy sympathy episiotomy. I know, I just threw up too. Jenny McCarthy kept her word. The children with polio may now attempt to dance.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet