I was in college and I just broke up with my high school sweetheart of, like, seven years, so I hadn’t been with anyone except him. So, I met this boy in college and we saw each other a few times and then we went back to his place and did it. And right afterwards he said to me, “Are you hungry?” And I said “Yeah!” and he‘s, like, “McDonald’s is right across the street, what do you want?” And I’m like, “I want a Big Mac, extra sauce, no pickles!” And he’s like “OK” and he got up and left … and never came back. And I was in his apartment!

And I wait, like hungry … for four hours and I look out the window and I’m like, “McDonalds is closed!” and I realized, Oh my God, he left me. So I had to do the walk of shame back to my college apartment. That was, like, the worst experience. — Jenny McCarthy, to Huffington Post

Jenny McCarthy mentioned college three times in that quote. After extensively Internet researching her for three minutes, it turns out she took some classes at Southern Illinois. Which is strange because I know she fancys herself a doctor and has even cured her own son and millions of others of autism. Though they all now have TB and deadly meningitis. The real story here though is that it took Jenny McCarthy’s brain four hours to send enough of a signal to her legs to get up and look out a window to check if the restaurant directly across the street was in fact closed.

I would have given anything to see the struggle she went through attempting to walk home. Constantly having to remind herself to breath and step at the same time. Who would have guessed she’d end up taking off her clothes to make a living.

(note: I wrote this like 10 times but all the links made it confusing so I’m just gonna post it in bullet points to make it easier to read. Ta-da!)

– Jenny Mccarthy has spent years scaring parents out of giving their kids vaccines because she says the MMR vaccine, which prevents measles, mumps and rubella, gave her son autism. (time magazine)

– No one actually knows what causes autism but whatever. (the national institue of health)

- 736 parents who followed the advice of Dr. Bunny now have a dead kid. But they were all autism-free, I’d like to point out. (body count)

– Yesterday the National Academy of Sciences released a comprehensive review of vaccine safety, and, “found no link between being immunized and the most serious health problems that have raised concern, including autism and diabetes.” (washington post)

- The MMR vaccine was specifically studied to see if there was any link between it and the onset of autism. And just like every other study on this matter, they found that there is “no causal relationship” between the two. (the institute of medicine)

- Ahhh, but Detective Tits knows better, and she defiantly responded to those quacks: “it caused seizures and brain inflammation in my kid which led To autism. That’s what I know.” (twitter)

- “Know” in this case means “guess” but she wasn’t done yet, she also set up a hashtag telling people to, “get a mercury free flu shot.” (twitter)

- So does mercury in our vaccines cause autism? Is that how her son got it? No, actually, because the MMR doesn’t have mercury and never has. (the national health service)

- By the way, the CDC, the FDA, the National Institutes of Health, the National Academy of Sciences’ Institute of Medicine, and the American Academy of Pediatrics all say that flu shots with mercury are perfectly safe. (the cdc)

In summation, science didn’t post their results with a hashtag so I guess they can fuck off. They better find a way to explain that vaccines are safe in 140 characters or less or else Jenny’s gonna kill some more kids.