By Travis April 17, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
In a recent op-ed in the Chicago Sun-Times, Jenny McCarthy made the very interesting claim that she is not and never has been “anti-vaccine,” despite her years of being a mouthpiece for the anti-vaccine movement. Instead, she’s blaming blogs for misquoting her after all this time, as she wrote that she’s always been cool with vaccines, and she just believes that certain kids should have to get less shots. Either way, the point all along should have been that if you take medical advice from Jenny Fucking McCarthy, then you should probably accept that your stupid ass had it coming.
Fox News eye candy Megyn Kelly smelled blood in the wet t-shirt contest and went to town on Jenny’s flip-flopping, as her millions of old white male viewers cheered her on. But the only real solution is for Megyn to have Jenny on her show for an actual debate, in which they have to use body paints on each other to make their points.
By Lex April 16, 2014 @ 3:17 PM
Jenny McCarthy has a new ring on her finger. And, no, it’s not the platinum band to signify her millionth child kill through ardently promoting the spread of preventable infectious disease. She’s engaged to Donnie Wahlberg, the former New Kids on the Block performer and present day, Police Detective #5 on numerous TV shows. Still, he’s Mark Wahlberg’s brother which makes him a definite catch by just a degree of separation. Already, the couple are planning on combining Jenny’s advanced knowledge of epidemiology gleaned from ‘some JuCo’ with Donnie’s highly practiced rhythmic dance moves to produce a series of educational videos for children called ‘Polio Means Mommy Loves Me’. Through song and dance, afflicted children will come to merrily accept their shorter life spans and extended stays coughing up blood in hospital wards. The whole family will cheer when Jenny herself comes out in leg braces and does the robot. Best of luck to Jenny and Donnie on their nuptials.
By Travis April 01, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
On yesterday’s episode of The View, Jenny McCarthy and Sherri Shepherd closed the show out with a clip of Lena Dunham getting naked on an episode of Girls, because that’s what every person wants to see right before lunch. But because they’re so hip and hilarious, Jenny and Sherri announced that they were taking their tops off, too, because if Lena does it for attention, then they can do it for ratings, too. I bet it totally worked, because guys everywhere must have been dropping everything to tune in to see Jenny’s 41-year old tits behind a black box, instead of googling “Jenny McCarthy Playboy nude” and remembering a time when she was a really hot 21-year old and not that crazy lady trying to murder all of your kids.
By Lex October 18, 2013 @ 1:15 PM
The roundtable of cackling hens show The View is finding that their audience is not getting into the whole Jenny McCarthy is smart and talented and amazing meme. In fact, quite the opposite. According to a RadarOnline squeal piece from a show insider:
“ABC has begun doing deep research on Jenny’s work on the show and the initial findings are that viewers want to tune out the second she opens her mouth!”
I guess I do have something in common with the frontal-lobe challenged ladies who form the core audience for The View. Even in my fantasies about binding Jenny to my bedpost and jizzing on her eyelashes, the minute she opens her maw and words come out, I untie her and offer to double her fee if she leaves quickly. Show producers are trying to ‘adjust’ Jenny’s performance on the show to make her more appealing. Like telling her to not talk so much and to say less things and silently hold up pictures of her new puppy.
By Travis October 15, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Jenny McCarthy has been one of the four horsewomen of the daytime TV apocalypse on The View for just a little over a month, but she’s already facing the ax, according to Radar, because people simply can’t stand listening to her talk. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, because Jenny has become one of the most annoying celebrities on the planet in recent years, from her beliefs that vaccines cause autism to just about everything else about her.
It also doesn’t help that daytime TV has become such a thankless wasteland of impatience either. Just ask Kris Jenner, who proved that you can suck and cradle Satan’s balls all you want, but if you don’t kiss the tip and deliver the ratings, you’ll be canceled faster than your teenage daughters can expose an ass cheek on Instagram.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex September 11, 2013 @ 12:30 PM
Jenny McCarthy is the new token non-fugly hostess on The View, replacing Elizabeth Hasselback. Jenny whipped up a relationship with New Kids on the Block member and part-time restaurant worker Donnie Wahlberg just in time to bring him on the show as her new wonderful beau. Beau is the word the day time talk show demo will recognize as a romantic substitute for dude I’m letting fuck me to feel like I’m not getting old and irrelevant. Some people fear that Jenny McCarthy could use her new show as a platform to promote her hobby of scaring the shit out of moms into endangering their children. Others realize this is perhaps the only interesting thing about her.
Here’s Jenny showing off her enhanced yams at an US Weekly party. Just be careful. She draws you in with those bad boys then next thing you know you’re getting a lecture about how food is bad for your children and she highly recommends you never feed them again. It’ll seem to make sense at first because why would a woman you want to have sex with ever lie to you?
Photo Credit: PCN, Splash, WENN