The new trailer for American Hustle was released yesterday, and it looks pretty good. I’d like to be a little more optimistic but I don’t have a clue what it’s about, other than a three-way competition between Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper and Jeremy Renner to look like the ugliest guys you’d spot in a New Jersey strip club.
Then again, it also has Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams looking like 70s porn stars, so that should count for something. In fact, if there’s an Oscar for that, I hope they both win. Then, when they accept their statues, they can try them out on each other. I know, I’m full of brilliant ideas.
“Formerly secret” might have been a better way to put that but here she is, the mystery women that apparently not gay Jeremy Renner got pregnant; a 22-year-old model from Vancouver named Sonni Pacheco.
Although she doesn’t look very pregnant in these pictures. What’s that all about ? Jeremy should tie her to a rock and throw her in the river. If she floats, she was lying and is in collusion with the devil. If she sinks, hey, no harm done.
Despite rumors to the contrary, rumors that began even before anyone saw that mustache, Jeremy Renner is apparently not gay, or at least not so gay that he won’t still occasionally have sex with a girl.
Multiple sources confirm to Us that an ex-girlfriend of the actor is due to give birth next month.
“They used to date but it wasn’t serious,” explains one insider, adding that the expectant mom is currently living in Renner’s L.A. home.”
(He) is “being ultra-secretive about it but she has been going on about her life and not hiding it.”
This guy must be smoother than he looks. I can’t even talk my current girlfriend into making me a sandwich, much less my ex-girlfriend into having unprotected sex.
I like London too, but not so much that I get an erection for the entire flight over there. And if I did I’d be a gentleman about it. I wouldn’t go on the Jimmy Kimmel show and brag so everyone knows how hard my dick was the way Jeremy Renner did.
“I had to sleep on the plane. So I take a little sleeping pill, pop it and realize nothing’s happening – but something else was happening.”
What he thought was Ambien was actually Viagra, given to him by a friend.
The flight crew, who were “sort of in on the joke,” helped ensure an otherwise smooth voyage – with lots of ice.
Wait what? That doesn’t make any sense. It sounds he made this story up because he told the flight attendant he had an erection and she didn’t get the hint.
‘The Bourne Legacy’ trailer came out yesterday, and I was so busy being a sarcastic dick that I forgot to mention that it reportedly takes place at the same time as ‘the Bourne Ultimatum’. Which is actually really cool. So we’ll see what else was going on while Matt Damon look befuddled and/or punched people.
This is why the trailer showed the scene from ‘Ultimatum’ with the reporter in the train station, and why Bourne is in New York and all that. Presumably Jeremy Renner is supposed to do something about it. He should try calling Bourne on the phone and saying he can see him. That always seem to freak everyone out in the other movies.
For years I’ve been sitting here, like a fool, assuming there was always just one, but as ‘The Bourne Legacy’ repeatedly points out, it’s actually quite the contrary. And unrelated to the fact that the old one doesn’t want to be in these movies anymore, here are the adventures of another one who, it turns out, has been even more exciting the entire time and we didn’t even know it.
And don’t worry; even though the old one is referenced 6 times, perhaps giving the impression he’s in this movie, he’s not and good riddance.
But don’t take my word for it, just listen to the lady who saw the evaluations. She’s seen dozens, no, hundreds of evaluations, and she almost came in her pants when she saw these. “The old one punched like some limp wristed little faggot compared to this one,” she practically said.