Jeremy Renner and Chris Evans made a legitimately funny aside about ‘Black Widow’ being a slut in the Avengers story and got to laugh for ten seconds before their reps were forced to issue public apologizes recognizing that women, blacks, Jews, Asians, gays, Hispanics, Muslims, SUNY Binghamton grads, the disabled, the obese, people living with anxiety, The Hmong people, McDonald’s employees, crossdressers, the agoraphobic, those in committed Adult Nursing Relationships, drug addicts, bulimics, semi-aborted fetuses, or adult men who chew gum are not suitable topics for humor. Chris Evans agent got out ahead of this horror with some pro forma bullshit:
“Yesterday we were asked about the rumors that Black Widow wanted to be in a relationship with both Hawkeye and Captain America. We answered in a juvenile and offensive way that rightfully angered some fans. I regret it and sincerely apologize.”
You could see this as another slouching step toward the pussy state of political correctness. Or, you could hail the fact that comic book characters no longer have to be slut shamed. Inclusiveness should be our goal, even if it means excluding tons of people. Not to mention anything that makes life worth living. Laughter is overrated. Cinch your belt a little tighter and pretend you lost five pounds. Everybody cool hates mirth.
Jeremy Renner’s estranged Canadian model wife and baby mama, Sonni Pacheco, reportedly threatened to release his sex videos if he didn’t help her get a green card. In legal documents, Renner repeatedly refers to his wife as a gold digger, which makes sense because she is requesting $12,000 a month in child support to be paid in the form of Nordstrom gift cards. Renner has heard more gay rumors than your average civil war reenactment horse whisperer so it should come as no surprise the couple lived with a roommate. It only makes sense it’s a dude and his dong appears in the sex tape because you don’t blackmail a famous celebrity with threat of exposing him having regular old sex with his wife. Nor do you have a male roommate if your career is going swimmingly and you’re into vagina. Beards often turn out to be terrible people. The non-broken segment of the population just wouldn’t be into it. That’s why hit men typically have domestic troubles. At least they brought a child into it.
Jeremy Renner used his two minutes as a presenter at the Golden Globes to come on to Jennifer Lopez. It’s pretty fucking smooth. You shouldn’t hit on a woman just because her tits are hanging out of her dress, you should also imagine you’d like her smile.
This is how you compliment a lady on her knockers. (Dlisted)
Alexis Ren heats up Instagram in a series of hot pics. (Egotastic)
George Zimmerman arrested after flinging a bottle at his girlfriends because he’s a fucking psycho. (TMZ)
Lena Dunham shows off her pasty lumps before the Golden Globes. (Huffington Post)
The new trailer for American Hustle was released yesterday, and it looks pretty good. I’d like to be a little more optimistic but I don’t have a clue what it’s about, other than a three-way competition between Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper and Jeremy Renner to look like the ugliest guys you’d spot in a New Jersey strip club.
Then again, it also has Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams looking like 70s porn stars, so that should count for something. In fact, if there’s an Oscar for that, I hope they both win. Then, when they accept their statues, they can try them out on each other. I know, I’m full of brilliant ideas.
“Formerly secret” might have been a better way to put that but here she is, the mystery women that apparently not gay Jeremy Renner got pregnant; a 22-year-old model from Vancouver named Sonni Pacheco.
Although she doesn’t look very pregnant in these pictures. What’s that all about ? Jeremy should tie her to a rock and throw her in the river. If she floats, she was lying and is in collusion with the devil. If she sinks, hey, no harm done.
Despite rumors to the contrary, rumors that began even before anyone saw that mustache, Jeremy Renner is apparently not gay, or at least not so gay that he won’t still occasionally have sex with a girl.
Multiple sources confirm to Us that an ex-girlfriend of the actor is due to give birth next month.
“They used to date but it wasn’t serious,” explains one insider, adding that the expectant mom is currently living in Renner’s L.A. home.”
(He) is “being ultra-secretive about it but she has been going on about her life and not hiding it.”
This guy must be smoother than he looks. I can’t even talk my current girlfriend into making me a sandwich, much less my ex-girlfriend into having unprotected sex.