Jessica Alba was caught yesterday on the set of a Revlon commercial wearing a see thru dress.  Unfortunately the pictures aren’t nearly as exciting as the first sentence may imply.  In fact they're pretty disappointing.  But they do raise the question: does Revlon really want their make-up spokesman to look like this.  You could just throw makeup at her and she'd look better.  Not even make-up, you could throw bees at her and she'd look better.

I'm not gonna lie to you, it’s a little discouraging to see a big mean dog get further with Jessica Alba than I have yet. The Sun UK says:

Jessica Alba showed her lucky pet pooch some serious lovin’ during a break in filming a make-up advert in Hollywood yesterday.  The actress shocked cast and crew by sharing a slobbery wet kiss with her white Labrador.  An onlooker said: "She planted a big smacker on her dog’s lips.   “Jessica was very affectionate on set."

This might actually be good news because if she's willing to make out with terrifying dogs and Cash Warren, I'm gonna look like Brad Pitt in comparison.  Not even Brad Pitt, but Brad Pitt holding a basket of massage oils and two dozen roses and a new Juicy handbag.  The only bad news is that my penis may turn on me if I try to make it follow that dork Warren.  My penis has pretty high standards.  It might leap off the bed right when I have Jess in the mood and I'll have to chase it around the room with a fireplace shovel like on Tom and Jerry. Wouldn't be the first time. Crazy penis.

(more of Jess and the dog when she was a puppy HERE and HERE)



It's bikini madness, thanks to Jessica Alba and her endless supply of sexy swimwear.  She has to have the best ass on the planet, especially considering how skinny she is now.  I’m not sure if she even have sex with a man like myself.  Id have to kick the bed or something and while I was distracted by the pain, I have to push my penis into her like a magician setting up a trick or like when you try to get a drawstring back into a pair of sweatpants.  I cant believe she’s still dating Cash Warren.  What kind of dopey ass name is that.  Its not even a damn name, it sounds like a board game, a board game that involves cunning and strategy.

(the first four pictures are from today, the others are from Wednesday but are here because today sucks and there's nothing good going on)



I don't know what his secret is, but Jessica Alba seems almost charmed by the fact that this guy has an erection while staring at her in a bikini.  Like she's flattered.  Oh, sure, but hide in the back seat of her car with an erection and she gets totally stuck up.  Well la-di-da your majesty.  Although I think my sexy moves were starting to warm her icy heart until the cops had to show up and cock-block, bossin me around, sayin "put your pants on, son" and "you better get a mop and clean that up".



Pictures of Jessica Alba playing football in a bikini doesn't even sound like a real thing, it sounds like something a 14-year-old would draw in his wish book.  It's just too good to be true.  Her nipples are even showing for Christ’s sake.  Honest to god, you would need that diamond hardness scale to measure my erection right now.  I could use my penis to cut glass.  There's no way this can be real.  I'm sure if I looked closer I'd see a winking sun drinking a coke and Captain America's dinosaur eating bin Laden, but I don't want to ruin it.  I'm so much happier in pretend world, in this fantasy world where Jessica Alba plays football in a bikini.  And look, now I’m a Viking!

A few people are sending in these pictures of what might be Jessica Alba having sex in the ocean with bf Cash Warren.  But it's hard to tell if they are.  God I've never wanted to see a penis so bad in my life.  But it kinda looks like his suit is on, and based on my experience she wouldn't have that satisfied look on her face, so these probably don't show Jessica Alba having sex in the ocean with bf Cash Warren.   You have to be careful about allegations like that.  It's pretty serious.  Not like that time I got those girls pregnant at the Smallville cast party. It's their problem now, baby.  High Five!