Jessica Alba had dinner at Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills last night, and as Splash News Online says, "It was hard not to notice the top she was wearing was see through, and she wasn't wearing a bra".  They also said that during dinner she kept licking the tips of her fingers and rubbing her breasts and saying how sensitive her nipples were.  Okay that last part isn’t true, but still, that would be awesome.



Jessica Alba had her baby shower this weekend, and it served as a nice reminder that pregnancy slowly turns even the hottest chicks into monsters.  We may have gone past the point of no return with this one.  Much like how I get into the minds of the worlds most brilliant serial killers to plot their next move.  Someone's in Vegas killing showgirls, and in order to catch a killer, I have to go deep inside their world … but will I be able to make it back out.  Find out on the next exciting episode of … TYLER DURDEN!



News.com among others are quoting a National Enquirer story claiming that Jessica Alba is confiding in close friends and family that she is expecting twins and that they are due on June 8.  In related news, Jessica Albas close friends and family suck, and cannot be trusted with secrets.

"Knowing that she's going to have twins has turned Jessica's life upside down. She and Cash have had to scrap plans for a one-baby nursery and start all over again."

Maybe I’m just being all sunny and optimistic, but I bet Jessica can handle this adversity.  Basically this means she'll have to put a second bed next to the first bed inside the million dollar nursery.  I'm willing to bet Jessica can learn how to take two steps to the right.  But hey, good luck.

Latina magazine actually has a pretty nice pictorial this month of Jessica Alba recreating famous horror movie roles.  And even though Alba has done something similar to this already for Esquire magazine (here), and Heidi Klum did something similar before that (here), these kind of shoots never ever get old (hottest picture ever?  yes.  hottest picture ever).  Here, Alba recreates A Magazine Cover, "The Birds", "Rosemary’s Baby", "Psycho", "Scream" and … um … okay actually I don’t know what that last one is.  Her hair is wet so I assume it's some Japanese movie.  Japanese people are terrified of people with wet hair.  It's in every one of their fucking movies.  Especially kids, either wet kids or kids with wet hair.  Rest assured, if you're watching a scary Japanese movie, and one of the characters is a towel salesman, he's the hero and he will win.

The only way Jessica Alba could get any cooler is if one day she could fly.  Along with being super hot yet shockingly normal, she's also not above making fun of pointless celebrities.  AOL says:

During a chat with Elle magazine, in which Alba graces the February cover, Alba recalls sharing a stage with Efron at last year's Teen Choice Awards. Upon meeting the actor, Alba says she thought to herself: "He looks like a child with a lot of makeup." Alba, 27, continues, saying she thought of the 20-year-old: "My God, you're just a little kid."

Remember Alba is also the one who got Paris Hilton dropped by her agent.  She's like a one man gang, taking back the streets of Hollywood for the pure at heart.  Inspired by her lead, I called Britney Spears' house to tell her to "knock it off".  Britney didn't answer but her maid did and so I called her a fag and then quickly hung up, then requested a high-five from my buddies for my well played zinger.  The maid didn't seem to speak any English, but I think deep down we both knew I had made some pretty good points and my Aristotelian logic had won the day.