Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake got married! Maybe!

By brendon August 20, 2012 @ 2:06 PM


Jessica Biel was in Puerto Rico on Saturday, visiting Justin Timberlake who is there filming the idiotically titled ‘Runner, Runner’ with Ben Affleck, but Janet Charlton says they flew to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, that same day and secretly got married.

They pulled a fast one on everybody! They are in the middle of their ceremony at a very fancy private estate and members of the wedding party are staying at the Four Seasons Hotel there.

It is true that Biel went to the airport on Saturday (Splash has exclusive pictures), and a famous Hollywood cake designer was in Jackson Hole, so who knows, maybe this is true. Or maybe it’s not. I’m gonna post these old slutty pictures of Biel either way, because some of us take the high road Janet Charlton, we don’t trade in rumor and innuendo. This is how you get respect in this industry.

its Jessica Biel at the ‘Total Recall’ premiere/senior prom

By brendon August 02, 2012 @ 12:05 PM


‘Total Recall’ had their big fancy Hollywood premiere last night, which doubled as a senior prom according to Jessica Biels dress. The theme was A Night to Remember, and all the tables had iridescent marbles in water as centerpieces. At the end of the night Kate Beckinsale signed Jessicas yearbook, telling her to never change, “remember cheer camp omfg”, and have a gr8 summer.

(image source = getty)

Jessica Biel looked terrific at the ESPYs

By brendon July 12, 2012 @ 1:46 PM


Jessica Biel wore a white little mini dress to the ESPY awards last night in L.A., where she and Tim Tebow presented Bow Tie of the Year to Jeremy Lin, and I bet Justin Timberlake couldn’t wait to get her out of it as soon as she got home. Because she looked prettier than he did, and he throws a little hissy fit when that happens.

(image source = wenn, getty)

Jessica Biel is in a bikini, asstastic

By brendon June 25, 2012 @ 10:58 AM


Jessica Biel was in Puerto Rico over the weekend to visit Justin Timberlake while he films another movie no one will ever watch, and I can’t believe she’s gonna marry that little faggot when I’m right here waiting with a heart full of love. I should cut off one of my ears and mail it to her to let her know I’m serious.

Well maybe not my ear, but a ear. If she’s impressed I’ll go ahead and cut mine off but there’s no point in getting carried away. The graveyard has dozens of ears that no ones even using. I’ll send her one of those, then play things by “ear” lol!

(image source = fame/flynet)

Jessica Biel looked better at the parties

By brendon January 16, 2012 @ 1:41 PM


About 5 years ago, every actress in Hollywood vowed to stop wearing anything sexy or interesting to award shows, and if you watched the Golden Globes last night, you know it was no exception.

Jessica Biel, for example, looked awful on the show, but the night before at W magazines party for show, she looked terrific. This honeymoon phase between when Justin Timberlake swears he won’t cheat again and when Justin Timberlake starts cheating again has really given her a glow.

Mark Wahlberg is an idiot

By brendon January 16, 2012 @ 12:39 PM

My favorite part of the Golden Globes last night was when Mark Wahlberg and Jessica Biel came out to present ‘Best Actor’, and Wahlberg was asked to read things. Which was funny because Mark Wahlberg is an idiot.

His first line, which the professional actor apparently couldn’t remember and had to read off the teleprompter, was, “And here is the impressive list of nominees.” Unfortunately, “impressed” is not an emotion in his acting arsenal. “Mumbling like a slow-witted doofus” is however, and so he did that instead.

Even better was when it was time to announce Jean Dujardin as the winner. Wahlberg opened the envelope, took a quick breath, began to speak… then saw the name, instantly gave up, and passed it off on Biel. It would have been so great to hear him say, “And the winner is Gene Duh-Jar-Din”. Especially if there were someone there actually named that. What a thrill it would have been for Gene and his family.