Jessica Hart In Painted On Bikini

By Matt December 10, 2014 @ 7:11 AM

Porter

Jessica Hart posed for Porter Magazine in a painted on gold bikini. I feel weird when I wear boxer briefs at the Hard Rock pool because I forgot to bring swim trunks. Actually that might be justified. Even getting a massage and begging for a hand job afterwards seems oddly personal, and I’m covered in a towel no matter how many times I remove it. I feel none of this compares to the feeling of having the inner region of your ass crack painted with golden twinkly paint. Don’t let it start to tickle, if you climax the process must be started over. Time is money. The stirrups and constant coughing make a communal shower seem comfortable by comparison. Then there’s having your anus blow dried. All just to sell some ad space for Ralph Lauren. Beats a cubicle.

Photo Credit: Porter Magazine 

Taylor Swift Pulls Power Move

By Matt December 03, 2014 @ 6:49 AM

Hart

Taylor Swift has reportedly blacklisted Victoria’s Secret model Jessica Hart from their annual Parade of hot chicks prancing around in stupid shit. This comes after Hart made some disparaging comments about her, according to an anonymous Insider who could easily be a bored coked up janitor who works for the venue:

“No one can know that Taylor requested Ms. Hart not be in the show; they want to keep that under wraps but that’s the facts.”

Swift lip synched a few numbers at last year’s display, and following her performance Hart was asked if she thought Swift had the talent to make it as a Victoria’s Secret girl:

“No… I think, you know what, god bless her heart. I think she’s great. But, I don’t know, to me, she didn’t fit.”

That might seem tame but represents the first complete sentence Hart has ever spoken. For Swift it must be rough. You’re used to being the hot chick all the gay guys fawn over and one night a year you’re the ugliest and most talented person in the room. Being hot and mostly useless outside of your renowned walking ability is a much better way of life. Hart underestimated Swift’s dark side. They always hate you because you’re beautiful.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Jessica Hart In A See Through Top In The 2014 September Issue Of GQ

By Lex August 21, 2014 @ 8:51 AM

Jessica Hart In A See Through Top In The 2014 September Issue Of GQ

Photo Credit: GQ

Jessica Hart Topless And Covered For The June 2014 Issue Of Harper’s Bazaar Austrailia

By Lex May 22, 2014 @ 12:41 PM

Jessica Hart Topless And Covered For The June 2014 Issue Of Harper's Bazaar Austraila

Photo Credit: Harper’s Bazaar Australia

Taylor Swift Couldn’t Kill Jessica Hart

By Lex December 06, 2013 @ 7:14 PM

Jessica Hart Poses In A Pink Bikini For A Photoshoot At The Beach In Miami
Taylor Swift’s prom-less minions may have figured out how to scare Victoria’s Secret into firing Jessica Hart for her disloyal comment about Taylor’s fat hips or whatever, but they couldn’t stop making her better looking than their pufferfish-faced liege. Somebody else already hired Jessica Hart to flash her ass and gap-toothed grin for the cameras. Which just goes to show, good looking women trump pudgy anonymous online sycophants some of the time.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN, INFphoto.com

Jessica Hart Poses In A Bikini For A Photoshoot In South Beach

By Lex December 05, 2013 @ 12:26 PM

Jessica Hart Poses In A Bikini For A Photoshoot In South Beach

Photo Credit: Splash