Jessica Simpson has postponed her wedding

By brendon September 28, 2011 @ 5:25 PM

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Just yesterday Life and Style told us that Jessica Simpson was all excited about being pregnant with her fiance Eric Johnson, and thrilled that she’d have time to get married before the baby came. But now Us magazine says she’s put her wedding on hold. Is it because of the baby? Is there trouble with the prenup? Do all the potential wedding dresses cover up her tits for some reason? Let’s read more and find out!

“Everything is up in the air,” a source tells Us. “She can’t figure out what kind of day she wants. Some days she wants a big wedding in Hawaii, then other days she wants something closer to home.”
But some of the 30-year-old singer’s friends fear the delay is due to more than just venue indecision. “She was so gung ho about planning their wedding, and now she’s gone dark,” says a pal. “She won’t commit to a date.”

Well my sources tell me the delay is because Jessica can’t find a caterer willing to stuff a pig with another pig and deep fry it on a stick. “I want ma double piggy-sicle,” Jessica shrieked when asked for a comment.

Jessica Simpson is pregnant! Maybe!

By brendon September 27, 2011 @ 4:01 PM

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In other news that a tabloid probably made up, Jessica Simpson is pregnant!

In Touch Weekly can exclusively confirm Jessica Simpson is pregnant!
“She’s already having kooky cravings!” a friend shares, especially nacho chips dipped in chocolate and cheese-flavored popcorn with non-alcoholic margaritas.
Luckily, she’s not due ’til spring, leaving them just enough time to be newlyweds before new parents.

This should go without saying but Jessica Simpson eating chocolate covered nachos is hardly proof that she’s pregnant. All it really proves is that you’re dealing with the real Jessica Simpson and not some impostor. When asked for a comment, Jessica pointed at her mouth and said, “Da food go in ma tummy!”

(image source of jessica and her fiance eric something at mastros steakhouse in LA on 9.13.11 = splash and fame)

Jessica Simpson had a birthday

By brendon July 11, 2011 @ 11:51 AM

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Jessica Simpsons 31st birthday was yesterday, and she was so excited about the present her fiance bought her with her money that she went on twitter to post a picture and say…

“Eric made my birthday!!! I have never been more surprised in my life! Jackie O who? ;)”

That’s a purse, by the way. If you couldn’t tell. It’s from Hermes. It’s called a Birkin, and you couldn’t get a girl any wetter unless it was filled with sleeping puppies. They’re basically legal rohypnol. They start at around $8,000 but can easily reach $150,000. They come in 4 sizes (20, 30, 35 and 40 centimeter), and are usually made of either leather, ostrich, crocodile, or lizard skin. Victoria Beckham has spent around $2.3 million on them.

Jessicas looks like a 40cm leather bag, so it probably cost around $15,000. She’s actually really well known for her extensive and extra fancy bag collection (though she usually carries Louis Vuitton), so she’s either acting so happy to be polite or because this is actually a Birkin shaped cake.

you have got to be gd kidding me

By brendon July 07, 2011 @ 6:53 PM

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Jessica Simpson announced her new fragrance today, a perfume called ‘I Fancy You.’ You read that right by the way. ‘I Fancy You’. Her perfume is called ‘I Fancy You’. Because nothing gets a guy hotter than hundred year old phrases his grandmother used. I also like my girlfriend to wear a white wig and bifocals and a sweater with a Christmas tree on it, and when I fuck her in the ass she looks over her shoulder at me and yells, “you kids get outa there!” Finally, a perfume for me!

Jessica Simpson is easily perplexed

By brendon June 30, 2011 @ 9:21 AM

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Splash News says that Jessica Simpson was having dinner in Santa Monica on Tuesday night, and when she was done she left in an Escalade limousine. Which would be fine if that limousine was for her. Eventually her fiance followed her to a red light and she got into the right car.

This may be a simple misunderstanding or change of plans, but keep in mind that Jessica has done this several other times before. She’ll just climb into any shiny black car. So if you’d like to kidnap Jessica Simpson and get away with it, that’s how your plan should start.

Jessica Simpson is freezing and/or really hot

By brendon May 09, 2011 @ 9:40 AM

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Jessica Simpson, her fiance Eric Johnson, her sister Ashlee and Ashlees son Bronx, sat down for a photo shoot on Saturday in Beverly Hills, where it must have been really hot below three feet and really chilly above that. Later, rain clouds formed around Jessicas waist when the two fronts collided.

(image source = flynet)