is Jessica Simpson pregnant or not?

By brendon October 14, 2011 @ 10:41 AM

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Jessica Simpson was out in West Hollywood yesterday, and it’s still not clear if she’s pregnant. I hope she is because we’ll absolutely see her out with a carriage one day and she’ll leave it in the rain and come out and it’ll be full of water, and there will be a goose in there swimming around and squirrels washing their food in it. This chicks an idiot.

(image source = inf)

Jessica Simpson is or is not pregnant

By brendon October 10, 2011 @ 4:28 PM

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Jessica Simpson has yet to confirm or deny the rumor that she’s pregnant, but she landed in New Orleans last night and the photo agency who took these pictures said she was. So there you have it. That’s all the proof I need. The only question now is when will she have a second one, and will the daily liter of Axe body spray her doofus fiance no doubt wears affect the baby?

(image source = flynet)

Jessica Simpson has postponed her wedding

By brendon September 28, 2011 @ 5:25 PM

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Just yesterday Life and Style told us that Jessica Simpson was all excited about being pregnant with her fiance Eric Johnson, and thrilled that she’d have time to get married before the baby came. But now Us magazine says she’s put her wedding on hold. Is it because of the baby? Is there trouble with the prenup? Do all the potential wedding dresses cover up her tits for some reason? Let’s read more and find out!

“Everything is up in the air,” a source tells Us. “She can’t figure out what kind of day she wants. Some days she wants a big wedding in Hawaii, then other days she wants something closer to home.”
But some of the 30-year-old singer’s friends fear the delay is due to more than just venue indecision. “She was so gung ho about planning their wedding, and now she’s gone dark,” says a pal. “She won’t commit to a date.”

Well my sources tell me the delay is because Jessica can’t find a caterer willing to stuff a pig with another pig and deep fry it on a stick. “I want ma double piggy-sicle,” Jessica shrieked when asked for a comment.

Jessica Simpson is pregnant! Maybe!

By brendon September 27, 2011 @ 4:01 PM

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In other news that a tabloid probably made up, Jessica Simpson is pregnant!

In Touch Weekly can exclusively confirm Jessica Simpson is pregnant!
“She’s already having kooky cravings!” a friend shares, especially nacho chips dipped in chocolate and cheese-flavored popcorn with non-alcoholic margaritas.
Luckily, she’s not due ’til spring, leaving them just enough time to be newlyweds before new parents.

This should go without saying but Jessica Simpson eating chocolate covered nachos is hardly proof that she’s pregnant. All it really proves is that you’re dealing with the real Jessica Simpson and not some impostor. When asked for a comment, Jessica pointed at her mouth and said, “Da food go in ma tummy!”

(image source of jessica and her fiance eric something at mastros steakhouse in LA on 9.13.11 = splash and fame)

Jessica Simpson had a birthday

By brendon July 11, 2011 @ 11:51 AM

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Jessica Simpsons 31st birthday was yesterday, and she was so excited about the present her fiance bought her with her money that she went on twitter to post a picture and say…

“Eric made my birthday!!! I have never been more surprised in my life! Jackie O who? ;)”

That’s a purse, by the way. If you couldn’t tell. It’s from Hermes. It’s called a Birkin, and you couldn’t get a girl any wetter unless it was filled with sleeping puppies. They’re basically legal rohypnol. They start at around $8,000 but can easily reach $150,000. They come in 4 sizes (20, 30, 35 and 40 centimeter), and are usually made of either leather, ostrich, crocodile, or lizard skin. Victoria Beckham has spent around $2.3 million on them.

Jessicas looks like a 40cm leather bag, so it probably cost around $15,000. She’s actually really well known for her extensive and extra fancy bag collection (though she usually carries Louis Vuitton), so she’s either acting so happy to be polite or because this is actually a Birkin shaped cake.

you have got to be gd kidding me

By brendon July 07, 2011 @ 6:53 PM

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Jessica Simpson announced her new fragrance today, a perfume called ‘I Fancy You.’ You read that right by the way. ‘I Fancy You’. Her perfume is called ‘I Fancy You’. Because nothing gets a guy hotter than hundred year old phrases his grandmother used. I also like my girlfriend to wear a white wig and bifocals and a sweater with a Christmas tree on it, and when I fuck her in the ass she looks over her shoulder at me and yells, “you kids get outa there!” Finally, a perfume for me!