Jessica Simpson Is A Natural Beauty

By Travis December 16, 2013 @ 12:00 PM

A lot of people are patting Jessica Simpson on the back for Tweeting this picture from her “date night” last night, because she’s apparently not wearing makeup, and that’s good enough to get a girl the Purple Heart these days. I don’t see what the big deal is, though, because she looks like she’s got a bad case of the meat sweats or she’s choking on a handful of Sour Patch Kids. Either way, her husband was probably thinking that it wouldn’t kill her to go freshen up in the bathroom, before he looked down at the pictures of Jessica from Dukes of Hazzard that he keeps on his phone.

At Least Jessica Simpson Is Trying Again

By Travis December 04, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

At one point in this nation’s great history, women didn’t get much hotter than Jessica Simpson, as she shook her ass and squeezed her tits together to make us forget that Dukes of Hazzard was a poisoned queef of a movie. But then she decided that she wanted to do the whole family thing so she quit acting and making music, and along with her career in entertainment went her ridiculous body that even her own father couldn’t help talking about. Jessica was back in action last night, though, as she attended the Footwear News Achievement Awards (that’s a real thing, I swear to God) and even though she looked about as comfortable as Obama at an NRA rally, you’ve got to give Jessica credit for trying to recapture her long lost glory.

Photo Credits: Getty

Jessica Simpson Easing into Shape

By Lex April 08, 2013 @ 5:15 PM

Jessica Simpson Pregnant Belly Los Angeles
Jessica Simpson got pregnant six hours after she gave birth to her first illegitimate kid as a backup plan to having to go on a diet. Weight Watchers is hard. Fucking is easy. Jessica is well getting back up to gestational playing weight. She’ll never be Daisy Duke again. But isn’t the miracle of child-birth worth the loss of hot bodied woman? I don’t think so either.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, PCN

Jessica Simpson is naming her kid…

By brendon February 20, 2013 @ 12:42 PM

jessica_simpson_cleavage

Ace! The kids name will be Ace Johnson!

An unlike her daughter Maxwell, who just sounds like a boy, Ace Johnson will actually be a boy, assuming that last months rumor was true.

“[She's] told people she’s going to name the baby Ace!” the source told Us.com. Simpson, 32, is already mom to 10-month-old daughter Maxwell. The singer hasn’t yet revealed how she and Johnson, 33, decided upon the name, however.

How they decided on the name is by asking, “what’s fucking awesome?” It’s a nick-name actual men call each other that they’re making a real name! That’s bad ass! It would be like if a black couple named their kid My Nigga. If they have another son his name should be Tough Guy.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Tuesday Afternoon Headlines

By brendon January 15, 2013 @ 6:55 PM

michelle_keegan_bikini

JESSICA SIMPSON – is in talks with NBC for a sitcom that “would feature Simpson playing a version of herself in a Curb Your Enthusiasm-style look at her life”. And it can’t possibly fail because improv is the perfect vehicle for this quick-witted legend of comedy. (tv guide)

RUSSELL CROWE – might be dating “burlesque goddess” Dita Von Teese, who has somehow totally escaped her past as a “spread-eagle girl having sex with a popsicle goddess”. For the record, it might not be the best idea in the world for a guy with his temper to date a girl who is super super pale.(page six)

BEN AFFLECK – will have a tough time winning the Oscar for Best Picture even though his movie ‘Argo’ just won the Golden Globe for Best Picture. His best bet is for lots of old voters to think they’re voting for ‘Fargo’. (huff post)

TAYLOR SWIFT – has a crush on Bradley Cooper, so she had Jennifer Lawrence ask Bradley if he wanted to go out with her. The response: “Bradley has absolutely no intention of getting together with Taylor.” So then Taylor asked, “What does he mean ‘no intention‘? So he really wants to date me but thinks you can’t plan love? Oh my gaad, why do guys always have to play these games, why can’t they just be honest!” (radar)

MICHELLE KEEGAN – is an English actress in the new issue of Zoo, and she’s in a bikini but who cares about that? What I wanna know is if her eyes are the same size, and what insect does her eyebrow look like? This magazine is really out of touch.

pregnant(?) Jessica Simpson was a bridesmaid with Zach Braff

By brendon December 17, 2012 @ 2:40 PM

jessica_simpson_zach_braff_wedding

Jessica Simpsons best friend is her former personal assistant CaCee Cobb, and Zach Braffs best friend is his former ‘Scrubs’ co-star Donald Faison, so of course Simpson and Braff were a bridesmaid and groomsman when Cobb and Faison got married this weekend in LA.

It’s worth noting that Jessica, who hasn’t officially confirmed that she’s pregnant again, looks pretty pregnant, even in blurry pictures and a black dress.

Also of note are the pictures of the evil witch who puts a curse on interracial relationships, the one that every dad in the south warns their daughters about.

(image source = inf)