Tuesday Afternoon Headlines

By brendon January 15, 2013 @ 6:55 PM

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JESSICA SIMPSON – is in talks with NBC for a sitcom that “would feature Simpson playing a version of herself in a Curb Your Enthusiasm-style look at her life”. And it can’t possibly fail because improv is the perfect vehicle for this quick-witted legend of comedy. (tv guide)

RUSSELL CROWE – might be dating “burlesque goddess” Dita Von Teese, who has somehow totally escaped her past as a “spread-eagle girl having sex with a popsicle goddess”. For the record, it might not be the best idea in the world for a guy with his temper to date a girl who is super super pale.(page six)

BEN AFFLECK – will have a tough time winning the Oscar for Best Picture even though his movie ‘Argo’ just won the Golden Globe for Best Picture. His best bet is for lots of old voters to think they’re voting for ‘Fargo’. (huff post)

TAYLOR SWIFT – has a crush on Bradley Cooper, so she had Jennifer Lawrence ask Bradley if he wanted to go out with her. The response: “Bradley has absolutely no intention of getting together with Taylor.” So then Taylor asked, “What does he mean ‘no intention‘? So he really wants to date me but thinks you can’t plan love? Oh my gaad, why do guys always have to play these games, why can’t they just be honest!” (radar)

MICHELLE KEEGAN – is an English actress in the new issue of Zoo, and she’s in a bikini but who cares about that? What I wanna know is if her eyes are the same size, and what insect does her eyebrow look like? This magazine is really out of touch.

pregnant(?) Jessica Simpson was a bridesmaid with Zach Braff

By brendon December 17, 2012 @ 2:40 PM

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Jessica Simpsons best friend is her former personal assistant CaCee Cobb, and Zach Braffs best friend is his former ‘Scrubs’ co-star Donald Faison, so of course Simpson and Braff were a bridesmaid and groomsman when Cobb and Faison got married this weekend in LA.

It’s worth noting that Jessica, who hasn’t officially confirmed that she’s pregnant again, looks pretty pregnant, even in blurry pictures and a black dress.

Also of note are the pictures of the evil witch who puts a curse on interracial relationships, the one that every dad in the south warns their daughters about.

(image source = inf)

Jessica Simpson only lost weight because of morning sickness

By brendon December 07, 2012 @ 2:05 PM

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After a very very very slow start, but before announcing she was pregnant again, it seemed like Jessica Simpson had made real progress on her diet and deal with Weight Watchers. In fact she looked awesome, she lost 20 pounds, and it would be a real testament to her hard work and discipline if it had anything to do with that.

“Jessica really didn’t start showing a significant amount of weight loss until the last couple of months, after she became pregnant with her second child,” said a family insider. “She now believes that she conceived at the end of September.”

Of course there is a plan that keeps a girl in that zone between losing weight due to morning sickness and gaining weight as the pregnancy develops, and that’s to tell Chris Brown that you’re two months pregnant and get pushed down the stairs.

(image source of jessica house hunting in la yesterday – pacific coast)

Jessica Simpson filmed a new Weight Watchers ad

By brendon November 20, 2012 @ 6:23 PM

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Jessica Simpson tweeted a picture today from the set of her second Weight Watchers commercial, which seems to show her whole body this time (unlike the first one). If so it’s a good idea because when she’s standing up, she actually looks pretty good. When she sits down however, everything sorta goes to hell, as if she just sat on an air compressor.

(image source = splash)

Jessica Simpson looks sort of amazing again

By brendon November 01, 2012 @ 3:58 PM

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I was hoping there would be some more paparazzi pictures of Jessica Simpson in her Halloween outfit, so that I may hold them gently, ast you would a lover. But there’s not (so far) which sucks because she looked amazing. I have no idea how and I don’t really care. I don’t know what an electron does or understand how cameras work either, so whatever, this is just one more thing on the pile.

Joe Simpson really knows how to fight gay rumors

By brendon October 29, 2012 @ 1:25 PM

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Joe Simpson is in the middle of a scandal claiming he’s recently come out of the closet and has a young twink boyfriend, and on Friday he ran some errands in this darling sweater and sneakers that matched his little outfit. Oh for cute!

Of course coordinating his shoes doesn’t mean he’s gay. It’s the fact that he’s wearing an outfit that makes him gay. That and he lives with Ashley and Jessica Simpson, which would turn anyone against women.

(image source = pacific coast)