When a girl looks like Jessica Simpson and is built like Jessica Simpson, you really have to go out of your way to make her look like hell, as she did last night in New York to promote “Employee of the Month”. So congratulations to her hairstylist Ken Paves, for once again achieving what many top experts thought was impossible. That dude could invent a time machine fueled by love if he put his mind to it. And the time machine also gives blow jobs. And makes delicious muffins. There’s really no stopping someone with enough cunning and stick-to-it-ness to make Jessica Simpson look like absolute hell.
Thank God she's not wearing a bra. At least it's distracting.
What the hell is wrong with this girl. She used to be sexy as hell, but this is like trying to jack off to Blues Clues. And those baggy tops aren’t fooling anyone, big ass. She dresses like a god damn sniper. Like she’s at the airport to gather intel on a human target. And his last thought will be that Daisy Duke has really put on some weight.
Jessica Simpson is planning to invest in a chain of restaurants called "Daisy Duke's", a "Hooters" style barbeque joint where sexy waitresses are clad in revealing tops and the famous tiny denim shorts. Not surprisingly, the idea was thought up by Jessica’s dad, Joe, who spends a terrifying amount of time thinking about his daughters bodies and how he can profit from them. The first restaurant will be located inside Caesars Palace Casino in Las Vegas and will open next year, with Jessica set to make at least five appearances a year. A source says:
"Joe's going to make a lot of money from this."
Fantastic. Barbeque sauce on my hands and hot chicks who are 99 percent naked. Why not just put superglue in the sauce too, glue my hand to my penis, just in case red sauce all over the front of my pants didn't draw enough attention to my erection.
Hot chicks really should wear their hair like this more often. Like Jessica Simpson last night that the after party for the premier of "Employee of the Month". It's sexy as hell. Unlike that drab ass dress. I'm sure it was free and someone gave it to her, but it’s okay to turn stuff down. Hitting yourself in the head with a frying pan is free too, that doesn't mean it's a good idea. Some people think I'm crazy because I'm in love with Jessica Simpson, but tell me this, if I'm so "crazy", why did god put me in charge of punishing the whores. Seems like a pretty important position to me.
Top experts and I agree that chicks look really really cute in baseball caps. It's a hot look, but for some reason not one they sport too often. You other girls could learn some things from Jessica Simpson, namely you should have a giant chest and long blond hair and dress sexy and sleep around. Oh, and also something about baseball caps, but I can't remember what.
Normally it looks like Jessica Simpson got her clothes at the airport or off a scarecrow, but that's only because her idiot stylist Ken Paves has no idea what the hell he's doing. Luckily Jessica does. Hopefully the return of Jessica in low-cut tight shirts means he's been fired or arrested or eaten by bears or something. He should be sued. In fact, I should sue him, because lots of people have been saying how I'm the real victim in all this.
