Jessica Simpson is very naked and very pregnant in Elle

By brendon March 07, 2012 @ 2:47 PM

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It was kinda clever and shocking when Demi Moore posed naked while pregnant for Vanity Fair in 1991, but it’s been done over and over ever since then, and now it’s just obvious and weird. And also kinda gross. Especially since Jessica Simpson is apparently giving birth to a fully formed defensive tackle. Even the camera turned gay after this shoot.

Jessica Simpson is having a girl. Probably.

By brendon February 22, 2012 @ 4:11 PM

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Jessica Simpson is due to have her baby sometime around April, so this weekend she went to Bel Bambini in LA, which sells extra fancy blankets and such for posh babies and their easily duped parents. And according to People, she was buying stuff for a baby girl.

Among the selection made by Simpson: pink baby clothes, a Moses basket, and, “other adorable baby items.”
“She seems beyond happy about becoming a mom,” the observer said. “She says she can’t wait to meet the baby.”

The Moses basket is a good idea because it has a hood to protect the baby from the sun. A better idea would be a bewitched basket with an impenetrable force field around it to protect it from Joe Simpson before he can ruin her career.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Jessica Simpson is going on ‘the Biggest Loser’

By brendon February 16, 2012 @ 7:15 PM

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Jessica Simpson will be going on ‘the Biggest Loser’ next season, and the story should end right there, because she weighs 800 pounds now, but it doesn’t. I’m pretty sure this was just an intervention that didn’t work.

Simpson will drop by the NBC show on March 13 to reward a Biggest Loser challenge winner with a visit to her personal showroom. According to NBC, the winner will also be allowed to bring a fellow contestant to pick out anything from Simpson’s clothing, handbag and skincare lines.

Unfortunately Jessicas “personal showroom” also has a “personal food court”, with a “personal Cinnabon” and “personal Chik-Fil-A”, so this will probably be the last challenge that person wins.

Jessica Simpson wants to look like Jessica Alba

By brendon January 05, 2012 @ 4:17 PM

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Jessica Alba looked terrific over the holidays when she hit the beach in a bikini. Not only did she get her hot body back after having a baby, but she made it look easy. But it’s not, and it sure as hell isn’t easy enough for Jessica Simpson to do it, despite what she was thinking when she went on twitter and wrote:

“New goal: look like @jessicaalba after baby. Job well done lady!”

To which Alba somehow avoided sarcasm to reply:

“OMG! Ur so sweet! Thx hon!”

As a reminder, this was Jessica Alba on July 24th, 22 days before she gave birth.

This is Jessica Simpson on December 18th. And December 23rd. She’s at least twice the size of Alba, and she’s not due for another 3 months. The only thing Jessica Simpson resembled in those Jessica Alba pictures was the sun.

Punk’d is coming back. For some reason.

By brendon December 19, 2011 @ 7:13 PM

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The last time MTV was popular was back when they had shows like ‘Beavis and Butthead’ and ‘Punk’d’. And since they’ve already brought back ‘Beavis and Buthead’, try and guess what some executive is getting paid millions to do now.

Entertainment Weekly says…

After months of rumors, MTV is officially ordering a new version of ‘Punk’d’. Jason Goldberg and Ashton Kutcher are back on board as executive producers (but) the show’s host is a different question.
MTV plans to announce the show’s host/hosts during its New Years Eve telecast next week.
Access Hollywood reported months ago that a new show was in the works, using different celebrity hosts for each episode — and noting in the premiere that Justin Bieber is the man in the van.

Well it seems like they’re off to a fantastic start. You can never have too much Justin Bieber I say, but I’d rather they bring back the old Jessica Simpson. The one who was in Maxim and Blender and Esquire, and who played Daisy Duke. She was amazing. Even this girl with huge boobs got famous for a while because people thought it was Jessica in a bikini.

Remember the see-thru blue dress she wore? With no bra. Or this slutty orange dress. Or when she was drunk in this mesh top. Or when she was a brunette. I spent more time with these pictures than I did with some of the girls I was dating during those 5 years, though in part because the pictures weren’t imaginary.

Jessica Simpson paid $3 million to lose weight

By brendon December 12, 2011 @ 3:43 PM

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Weight Watchers will pay Jessica Simpson $3 million dollars to lose weight and endorse their diet plan after she gives birth. So in June, when you see Jessica Simpson waddle into court for a breach of contract lawsuit, this will be why.

(source = page six)