Jessica Simpson wants to look like Jessica Alba

By brendon January 05, 2012 @ 4:17 PM


Jessica Alba looked terrific over the holidays when she hit the beach in a bikini. Not only did she get her hot body back after having a baby, but she made it look easy. But it’s not, and it sure as hell isn’t easy enough for Jessica Simpson to do it, despite what she was thinking when she went on twitter and wrote:

“New goal: look like @jessicaalba after baby. Job well done lady!”

To which Alba somehow avoided sarcasm to reply:

“OMG! Ur so sweet! Thx hon!”

As a reminder, this was Jessica Alba on July 24th, 22 days before she gave birth.

This is Jessica Simpson on December 18th. And December 23rd. She’s at least twice the size of Alba, and she’s not due for another 3 months. The only thing Jessica Simpson resembled in those Jessica Alba pictures was the sun.

Punk’d is coming back. For some reason.

By brendon December 19, 2011 @ 7:13 PM


The last time MTV was popular was back when they had shows like ‘Beavis and Butthead’ and ‘Punk’d’. And since they’ve already brought back ‘Beavis and Buthead’, try and guess what some executive is getting paid millions to do now.

Entertainment Weekly says…

After months of rumors, MTV is officially ordering a new version of ‘Punk’d’. Jason Goldberg and Ashton Kutcher are back on board as executive producers (but) the show’s host is a different question.
MTV plans to announce the show’s host/hosts during its New Years Eve telecast next week.
Access Hollywood reported months ago that a new show was in the works, using different celebrity hosts for each episode — and noting in the premiere that Justin Bieber is the man in the van.

Well it seems like they’re off to a fantastic start. You can never have too much Justin Bieber I say, but I’d rather they bring back the old Jessica Simpson. The one who was in Maxim and Blender and Esquire, and who played Daisy Duke. She was amazing. Even this girl with huge boobs got famous for a while because people thought it was Jessica in a bikini.

Remember the see-thru blue dress she wore? With no bra. Or this slutty orange dress. Or when she was drunk in this mesh top. Or when she was a brunette. I spent more time with these pictures than I did with some of the girls I was dating during those 5 years, though in part because the pictures weren’t imaginary.

Jessica Simpson paid $3 million to lose weight

By brendon December 12, 2011 @ 3:43 PM


Weight Watchers will pay Jessica Simpson $3 million dollars to lose weight and endorse their diet plan after she gives birth. So in June, when you see Jessica Simpson waddle into court for a breach of contract lawsuit, this will be why.

(source = page six)

Jessica Simpson cries all the time for no reason

By brendon December 08, 2011 @ 4:23 PM


Ever since she got pregnant, Jessica Simpson admits she’s an emotional mess and craves fattening food all the time, the inference being that this is somehow different from her life before she got pregnant.

Like a lot of expectant women, mom-to-be Jessica Simpson is craving comfort foods.
“This week it’s peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, toasted. And then, I’ll put some salt on my hand like I’m taking a tequila shot and then take a bite of the sandwich.”
She also admitted her emotions are more heightened than usual. “That’s the one thing about pregnancy — I’ll cry at the drop of a hat,” she said. “Even a great souffle would make me cry.”

“Because they’re only one serving, and that really upsets me. Why don’t they make bigger ones like they do with regular cakes; it’s heartbreaking.”

Jessica Simpson can’t sell her baby pictures

By brendon December 05, 2011 @ 6:28 PM


Remember back in October, when Jessica Simposn was trying to sell the story and first pictures of her pregnant but couldn’t find anyone to buy it? Ok well now replace those early pregnancy pictures with ones of Jessica 100 pounds heavier, combined with another 6 months of indifference, and you’ll understand why her first baby pictures aren’t gonna sell for any money either.

The Huffington Post says…

There’s simply not much money left in selling off baby pictures, so if Simpson wants to cash in, she might be out of luck.
“Jessica isn’t as relevant as she used to be. Her baby daddy [fiancé Eric Johnson] isn’t famous enough for anyone who doesn’t know her personally to care, and the trend of celebrity baby photos is done for the consumer as well. Let us know if when the kid is 10 it has its first kiss with Mason Kardashian. Then we’ll talk.”

Oh no we will not. Not unless you have a medium because if I still have to hear about the Kardashians, or the phrase “baby daddy”, in 10 years, I’ll have thrown myself in front of a train long before that.

so, there is this…

By brendon December 01, 2011 @ 8:17 PM


Jessica Simpson was out in New York today with her sister Ashlee and Ashlees son Bronx, and here we see the only good thing about girls getting pregnant. Their tits quadruple is size. They should put a leash or something on Bronx, because if Jessica falls on her back that kid is gonna bounce to the moon.

(image source = splash, pacific coast, fame, flynet)