For a year or so, Jessica Simpson has been on a quest to look as unattractive as possible, but last night on her twitter she mentioned a radical new diet. She also confirmed that she’s still dumb as a rock.

“Shocked my system with a vegan diet, special Pu-erh tea from China, and cupping since friday! Who am I right now? This might be too clean!”
“Has anyone ever tried cupping? When u know you are doing something good for ur body the meditation creates intense visions. Love it!”

“Cupping” means suctions cups are placed on her skin to treat stagnant blood and improve her qi flow. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it. (note: I’m lying of course.)

“Just so everyone is clear.. this has NOTHING to do with weight! It is about understanding my body through hydration and alkalinity…”

This seems like a really good idea, especially if you want people to call you crazy. I’ve been to a hundred doctors, and not one of them has ever told me I wasn’t getting enough suction cup.

At first I couldn’t understand why the picture agency had these pictures with the caption, “Jessica Simpson at the Gracie Awards Gala at Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Los Angeles”. But eventually I put the pieces together. I think they’re implying that this is Jessica Simpson. I really hope they’re wrong. If they’re not I feel like I should get my semen back for all the times I masturbated to her. My penis and I feel betrayed.

(source = splash news online)

Yesterday Jessica Simpson filmed a guest appearance on ‘Entourage’, the dumbest fucking show on television. It sucks now, it’s always sucked and if anyone thinks otherwise they’re an idiot.

As if that isn’t humiliating enough, Jessica didn’t even get her own trailer. She had to share a trailer with another actress. And by “actress” I mean “porn star”. AND, the porn star got top billing. Just imagine all the stirring conversation they must have had while waiting around. “No way, you like putting things in your mouth and then swallowing? Hey neat, so do I!”

(source = pacific coast news)

Operation Smile is a charity that sends doctors all over the world, although mostly to the shitty countries, to repair cleft lips and palates on kids. Jessica Simpson was at one of their events last night and it deserves to be mentioned that she’s been a big part of this group for well over 10 years now. And this charity really stands out because they can show up and actually solve a problem, they can make these kids better once and for all, and it makes an enormous impact on their lives.

And that’s why they need to be stopped at all costs.

In nature the friendly animals are also really cute. Like pandas and puppies and koalas. And the mean animals are always real ugly. Like alligators and snakes. But does this apply to people as well? I’m a sweet little angel, so let me ask my mirror.

Yes it does apply to people as well. I’m extremely attractive. This means the people who aren’t sexy are up to no good, probably stealing and/or cannibalism, and god knows it, and that’s he didn’t make them sexxxy like me and you. But now Jessica is unmarking the treacherous ones, and we’ll never know which ones are which.

So please don’t ever give any money to Operation Smile, and with your help, hopefully they’ll go out of business before their reckless god complex gets everyone killed.

(picture source = splash news online)

Jessica Simpson was in NYC yesterday, and she ran from the Ritz-Carlton to her car with what the Sun describes as, “her cleavage bursting out of her dress.”

So maybe she was trying to be sexy, or maybe she was in a rush and didn’t have time to lock everything down. My sources tell me that what we see here is Jessica 30 seconds after she got a from a friend on the black market, and they found a chef who will stuff a doughnut with mini tacos. She better hurry before he loses his nerve!