Jessie J Seems Talented

By Lex December 03, 2014 @ 12:36 PM

Jessie J Shows Booty Cheeks For Glamour
I don’t know at what point we decided you can’t be a pop star without flashing your bare ass in magazines, but that was obviously the right decision. Unless you’re the rare girl with pipes like Adele or Aretha, singing is but a small fraction of your overall pop star grade. Singing is tossing the discus in the decathlon. Wonderful, you can throw a plate two hundred feet. It would suck to be your spouse. If you’re a fatty who can’t elevate over the hurdles or Jenny McCarthy re-introduced polio leaves you lacking in the long jump, you’re still looking up at bronze. Fishermen don’t complain about the fish smell. Now show us some skin and date somebody wrong for you and we’ll consider paying for your music, Next.

Photo Credit: Glamour

Time to Save Africa Again With a Crappy Song (VIDEO)

By Lex November 17, 2014 @ 10:07 AM

Every five to ten years, Bono and Gay Beethoven and Bob Geldof and whoever’s hot in the British pop music scene spend another few hours re-recording the exact same fucking song to cure the latest African hardship. It started thirty years ago with Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas?, an ensemble recording designed to heal Ethiopia of being one super crappy place to live. Fifty million radio plays later, Ethiopia is still a shit hole. For Band Aid 30, it’s Ebola. The boys from One Direction are determined to snuff it out. They changed ‘feed the world’ to ‘heal the world’ which is short for can somebody please fucking buy the Congo some indoor plumbing already. If Ebola was feeling perhaps a bit over-confident what with Obama offering it red carpet welcomes in the U.S, and the fact that half of Sierra Leone still sees diarrhea as a potable liquid, this new Band-Aid recording ought to send shivers down its viral spine. You’re done, Ebola. This song cured famine in sub-Saharan Sudan, turned Haiti into a thriving economic juggernaut, and it’s going to flush Ebola right down Santa’s crapper.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Jessie J Suddenly Seems Very Interesting

By Travis January 28, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

You can tell a lot about a party by the guests in attendance, so I’m not sure what it says about Republic Records that the biggest names on the red carpet at its post-Grammys party were Jennifer Lopez’s boyfriend, Chris Brown’s girlfriend and Audrina Partridge. But Jessie J was also there, so I guess she was probably the most famous person in attendance, and even if she wasn’t, I’ll give her that title based solely on her red carpet side boob performance. It’s funny how I can’t name a single song this woman has performed, but I can probably give a six-hour physics lesson at Harvard based solely on the angles of her exposed breast. Modern science is wonderful like that.

Photo Credits: Guillermo Proano/

Jessie J Sort Of Strips Down In ‘Wild’ (VIDEO)

By Travis May 29, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Despite having a name that makes her sound like a character from Jem and the Holograms, Jessie J has always seemed pretty normal in comparison to today’s other pop stars. She’s not incredibly hot and a lot of times she looks like the female villain in an 80s James Bond film, but she is supposedly bisexual, so that usually counts for something.

In her new video for “WILD”, featuring Big Sean and some other guy, she strips down to a strange kind of robot grandmother bathing suit while she rubs her head and makes mean faces into a camera. It’s pretty standard for a pop video, except she spends the first 45 seconds walking to the set, and by then I’ve already switched to porn.