So here’s the opening segment of last nights Jimmy Kimmell show, when Matt Damon tied Kimmell to a chair and then hosted the show. But, as you no doubt guessed, the whole thing was fake and a scam for publicity, just like AIDS.
Jimmy Kimmel was 20 minutes deep into his opening at the White House Correspondents Dinner on Saturday night when he finally got to mentioning insufferable dickhead Keith Olberman (“He has more pink slips than Marcus Bachmann.” That’s a gay joke about Michelle Bachmanns husband, if you couldn’t tell), who, of course, immediately ran to twitter and pouted about it.
“Funny that Jimmy Kimmel ripped me after his people desperately wanted me to fly to LA to be on his show this past Wednesday. #nerdprom.”
“I’m not complaining about the Kimmel jokes — I’m fair game. I’m complaining about the revenge element. It reminds me of O’Reilly #nerdprom.”
Ohh yeah, that must be it. Kimmel is out for revenge because Olberman didn’t go on his show. What a coup it would have been for Kimmel, whose ratings are 900 percent higher than Olbermans were, if he could have scored a monotone jackass giving his 50th interview about being fired over a month ago. It would have been a ratings extravaganza, and it’s eating Kimmel up inside. I just hope he doesn’t do anything rash and hurt himself.
(the Olberman jokes start here)
Lady Gaga was being all Lady Gaga-like yesterday for an appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel show, first by rehearsing in nothing but a bra, panties and whatever the hell those tights things are, then by making herself look like a old timey movie vampire. And when she saw Jimmy backstage, she looked into his eyes and held up the palm of her hand to hypnotize him. And in a heavy Transylvanian accent she said, “Jeemy Keemel, come to me! Your vill is strong Jeemy Keemel, but soon you vill join me and the cheeldren ov the night!” I swear to God that really happened. I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it before now.
(image source = fame)
Johnny Knoxville was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, and revealed that Britney Spears actually filmed a scene for Jackass 3 where she was locked in a porta potty attached to bungee chords.
The bit was okay but it would have been funnier with someone more hatable like Jennifer Aniston. And if it wasn’t a bit. And if they would have used faulty bungee chords that snapped and shot her into outer space.
GQ has their annual Men of the Year issue out right now, and I haven’t even looked at it because I’m sure it’s a bunch of idiotic choices that don’t make any sense as usual, but one thing they did get right was calling Jimmy Kimmel the best late night host. And he proves it during his interview.
A few excerpts..
Do you think Jay Leno meant it when he said he thought your impression of him was funny?
No. I don’t think he means anything he says.
Do you think Jay was surprised at the ass kicking you gave him when he interviewed you on his show (video)?
And as we talked, I slowly realized the goal [of having me on] was to minimize the damage I’d done and show the audience: Jimmy and Jay are buddies. I hadn’t talked to Jay forever before that call. I talked to him a lot when he was thinking about coming to ABC, and when he took the job at NBC, I never heard from him again. So I decided I wasn’t going to be the jerk that went along with Jay’s scripted comedy bit. I was going to talk about it one way or another. So I felt we’d reached a compromise; Jay would talk about his things, and I would talk about mine. It worked out, I guess.
Are there any lessons to be learned from this?
The lesson is, it pays to be sneaky. [laughs] I think that’s the main thing I learned. That, and don’t trust Jay Leno.
The amazing thing is, Jimmy Kimmel is the nicest guy in the world, so imagine for one second how big of a two-faced jackass you have to be to piss off someone like that to this degree. Kimmel is an man of the people, an Everyday Joe, not like you and Jay Leno, with your gold velor couches and luxurious circular waterbeds, driving around your gated community without a person of color for 20 miles. Me and Jimmy Kimmel hate you so much!
JULRI WATERS – is beautiful, short, Asian, has huge breasts, and parades around naked for Playboy. In other words she’s historys most perfect girl (NSFW pictures here). Easily manipulated, she asked me to mention that she and Julia Morse (direct link to their NSFW Playboy pics here and here) are in Sturgis for the bike rally, and at the Silverado casino today and tomorrow from 1-4 signing stuff. I’m gonna go at 4 when she’s tired and see if she’ll blindly sign a marriage license. (silverado, playboy)
OKSANA GRIGORIEVA – is having her home searched for listening devices so no one can secretly record her conversations. “She’s worried either Mel or the media has planted cameras or wiretapping devices.” The balls on this chick. The judge should throw out the case just for this. Then have the bailiff go punch her in the stomach. (tmz)
TWITTER – Follow me today and you’ll receive 10 free internets. (twitter)
SOFIA VERGARA – says Madonna looks like a freak. While not opposed to plastic surgery, she says some women go to far. “That thing with the cheeks. Like Madonna. Who do they think they’re fooling? It doesn’t make them look young. You end up looking like a freak.” Keep in mind Madonnas arms look like this. She looks like an old tree. (us)