Things like this clip from last night are proof that most people in the world are essentially stupid. Kimmel is better than Letterman. Opie and Anthony are better than Stern. ‘Always Sunny…’ is the best show on TV. All these people should be number 1 and they’re not and if I knew who was responsible for this outrage I would go to that place, throw a smoke grenade inside their window and then punch everyone as they ran out the door.
Melissa Joan Hart should have known better than to get sassy with Jimmy Kimmel. The only way he could have owned her any more is if the stage she was standing on had a trap door and he dropped her into a pool of sharks.
It feels like there should be more separation between innocuous words and filthy words. Especially at the end of the word. "Clit" and "clip" are really close. It can be confusing when words sound so similar. Like one time I was at a party and the party was loud and I asked a girl what she did for a living and she said she delivered flowers. And so I leaned in and said, well how about you deliver Two Lips to my cock. Then I pointed down towards my crotch and gave her a little nod. Turns out she said she "was in the Twin Towers". As you can see those words are different.
After dating for the past 5 years, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have ended their relationship. Vanity Fair was the first to break the story:
Sad news for comedy and monogamy fans: late night talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel and his girlfriend of five years, comedienne Sarah Silverman, have broken up. Kimmel’s rep Lewis Kay and Silverman’s rep Amy Zvi both confirmed that Jimmy and Sarah are no longer dating and issued a joint statement that “Jimmy and Sarah have and will have no further comment.” With them, so has the faith of all those believed—as we did—that their union was the binding force that kept Hollywood from exploding in a mass chain reaction of irony and sexual frivolity.
Some people say Vanity Fair is irrelavnt these days, but without them, who would take a simple break up story and report it in the fruitiest, most confusing way possible?
I'm so burned out after last night and only now am I seeing Jimmy Kimmels revenge video for his girlfriend Sarah Silverman. It's hard to tell who the winner is. Sarah’s video didn’t have as many big stars as Jimmy's (Brad Pitt and Harrison Ford, among others), but Jimmy had to snuggle up to another guy. I know it's only pretend, but even a pretend f’ing by Ben Affleck is humiliating. Even typing his name is sort of embarrassing.
Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have dated for years now, but it turns out she's had a secret all this time. This video was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night and I think it's for real. Isn't Damon married? This is gonna send shockwaves through Hollywood today. Stay tuned for breaking news as it happens.
BRITNEY BRITNEY BRITNEY! – not surprisingly, Kevin Federlines lawyer is annoyed that he was stood up by Britney Spears yesterday for the fourth time while trying to do a deposition. The lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, will go to court today to ask that Britney be held accountable. He won't seek contempt charges, even though he could, but will ask that Britney not receive any more special treatment or benefit of the doubt. Britney will counter by asking for both hot and mild sauce. Touche! (that's part of her new video. It sucks. Oh, I know, I was surprised too.)
ASHLEE SIMPSON IS POISON – The New York Daily News says, "Members of Fall Out Boy, who failed to get a Grammy nomination last week, are said to be blaming Pete Wentz's relationship with Ashlee Simpson. 'Grammy voters are fed up with Ashlee after she was caught lip-synching,’ a pal tells OK! mag. ‘Her relationship with Pete has definitely affected public opinion of the band. The guys in FOB are furious — they think everything Ashlee touches is poison, and they really want her to stop touching Pete!' " I find it hard to believe that a source said, "and they really want her to stop touching Pete". Unless their source was a gay cartoon character.
BASTARDS – Variety says that four of the major late night talk show hosts, namely David Letterman, Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien and Craig Ferguson, are planning to return to the air by January 7th, regardless of whether or not the Writers Guild is still on strike.
Latenight insiders, however, believe Leno and O'Brien are most likely to return in early January, no matter what Letterman decides. NBC has to be concerned about the plunging ratings for both shows, which in recent weeks have lost nearly half their audience. ABC's Jimmy Kimmel has actually done OK in repeats, a reflection of the show's audience growth in the past year and a sign regular Leno and Letterman viewers may be checking out the "new" guy. Getting a read on his intentions has been more difficult, though some latenight observers believe he may also be preparing to go back soon.
Remember the Stingy and Battery show on the Simpsons? Where Krusty had to improvise his entire show and he was in an old civil defense shed and all he had was a scorpion and a leaky battery? That's pretty much what these shows will look like with no writers. It will just be Ellen interpreting her cats dreams for 60 minutes, occasionally interrupted by boring monotonous rambling, which will also be about cats.
