Joanna Krupa Sues For Pussy Defamation And Shit Around The Web

By Jack January 22, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Joanna Krupa is suing her Real Housewife co-star Brandi Glanville for slander against her pussy. Apparently, Glanville made statements to the effect that Krupa’s vag smelled like the Gowanus Canal at low tide. Can you sue for vaginal defamation? I don’t see why not.

Read all about Joanna Krupa’s stanky business. (Dlisted)

Aubrey Plaza smokes cigars spread eagle on the set of Dirty Grandpa. (Egotastic)

Kim Kardashian was doing selfies before it was cool, apparently. (TMZ)

Saudi Arabia sentenced a blogger to a 1000 lashes. Once again I’m glad I’m an American. (Huffington Post)

Shay Mitchell and her titties frolic in this sexy bikini video. (Drunken Stepfather)

Lea Michele wears just a white tank top and it is awesome. (Popoholic)

Kennedy Summers shills for 138 Water in a tiny bikini. (The Superficial)

Joanna Krupa Talks to the Animals

By Lex January 19, 2015 @ 2:13 PM

Joanna Krupa At The Miracle March For Lolita On Key Biscayne In Miami
Most of the time we catch animals, we kill them, gut them, and eat them. I feel like this isn’t conveyed strongly enough to the animals we maintain in zoos and parks. Maybe they’d stop bitching so much. At that Danish zoo, they hacked up a perfectly healthy giraffe right in front of the other giraffes and fed his bloody carcass to the lions where all the animals could see. The giraffes knitted a fucking sweater for the head of the zoo and got it on his desk the next morning. The accompanying note said, get us the acacia tree, don’t get us the acacia tree, we’re good either way.

These days everybody’s on about the Sea World animals. Thanks to the Van Allen radiation belt, many people today can read the minds of animals. The whales are telling these intermediaries that they’re unhappy in captivity. Like Willy from Free Willy, who was actually a killer whale named Keiko stuck in a crappy aquatic tank in Mexico City. After the movie came out, the whole caring world got on their galoshes and air lifted Keiko to a much nicer tank in Oregon, where he quickly developed skin lesions from the different water pH. So they air trucked Keiko once more to Iceland where he was trained for survival then set free in the orca filled waters off of Norway where he died a slow and painful death from pneumonia. In his final moments Keiko recalled his crappy tank back in Mexico wondering how much harder her could have telepathed the message, leave me the fuck alone. It’s warm and they feed me.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Joanna Krupa Is A DJ Now

By Lex January 05, 2015 @ 11:29 AM

Joanna Krupa Is A DJ At The Seminole Hard Rock Hotel And Casino
There’s no reason being attractive should limit you in your career choices. In fact, embrace the opportunity that comes with men being unable to say no to you. In short, be a DJ. Nobody even knows what the hell the job entails besides smiling and holding one half of a headset up to your ear like you’re listening for U-Boats to depth charge. If I hop on my flight later today and I see this chick smiling in the cockpit cell phoning her friends about how she’s now a pilot, I won’t be surprised. The head of Delta has a dick. And I need to die sometime.

Photo Credit: Splash

Joanna Krupa Pounds for Cash

By Lex January 02, 2015 @ 10:42 AM

Joanna Krupa Wears A See Through Dress To Celebrate New Years In Miami
You could find yourself in worse situations than being paid to get loaded and let guys moderately¬†fondle you on New Year’s Eve. Most girls had that happen for free. If you can show off your nipples and take home a check for $20K I’d say you’re ahead of the game. Who the hell is anybody to judge how you pay the rent? Your parents traveled treacherous miles to get you to America so you could be free to do this shit and get paid in a hard currency. Lady Liberty has your back. Some dude named Steve got the ass.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Joanna Krupa Has It Good

By Lex December 19, 2014 @ 9:33 AM

Joanna Krupa Wears A Tight, Short Sweater Dress While Dining In Beverly Hills
I bet this former working woman never gets mistaken for a valet when she leaves restaurants. That’s an Obama burden she will never know. Hot blond women will never have to bite on a coin after being mistaken for a shoe shine or asked if they’re holding large quantities of crack cocaine by a dude on his way to a VH-1 after party. Being groped and molested since six probably sucked, but having the dad from 7th Heaven put your hand on his junk is nothing compared to being mistaken for a waiter at a black tie fundraiser.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI/FameFlynet

Joanna Krupa Braless

By Lex November 04, 2014 @ 12:50 PM

Joanna Krupa Braless In See Through Shirt While HEading To A Birthday Party In LA
Today I’m drowning my electoral dismay in the tits of famous people. I can’t use my vote to raise Braveheart from the ashes and take on Ebola, so I’m going to stare at women without bras on until I no longer care. I could go with whiskey, but I did that last election cycle and I just ended up six weeks later at the local Planned Parenthood with a girl I barely knew putting down my Discover card on an Early Bird Special. I thought we got balloons. We got no balloons.

Joanna Krupa has fought off some nasty professional escort background rumors by prostituting herself on Bravo! reality shows and walking around town without undergarments. I might have chosen a different image rehab plan of attack. Maybe write a book on being a working mother. Nobody really even bothers to check if you have a kid. Just pen a few chapters about the craziness of nursing at work and trying to look your best when you’re exhausted and you’ll be a modern day Elizabeth Cady Stanton. I guess showing off your tits is easier. At least you’ll know people weren’t just pretending to look like they would be with your book.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI