Nothing Says Save the Animals Like Celebrity Tits

By Lex October 01, 2015 @ 10:27 AM

Cleavage For Peta
PETA has figured out that sex sells a message. Also that 95% of the general population loves eating animals more than making sure they have three square meals a day and subsidized cable. Consider naked ladies your last best option for changing minds. PETA used to run porn-disguised click bait on blogs for men that featured naked women and sex acts and led you to an animal rights page. They’ve put naked women with college loans and no idea how to pay for them into cages dressed as tigers and aardvarks. Aardvark if you showed up first that day.

Just for a Hollywood fundraiser PETA will drag out Joanna Krupa and Pamela Anderson and foie-gras style force feed them Stoli until their eyes are half open and their tis are half out. Does any of this work in changing hearts and minds? I don’t know. We’re still killing hormone injected cows with giant Wile E. Coyoto ACME hammers and the Japanese are still eating whale blubber with their Cheerios. Bob Barker already covered off the spaying and neutering business. All these tits may just be gratuitous. Which would make it PETA’s greatest accomplishment. The animals have to be laughing at us. Fuckers. Let’s eat.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Joanna Krupa Baptized in a Bikini

By Lex August 12, 2015 @ 10:16 AM

Joanna Krupa Gets Baptized In A Neon Bikini
Joanna Krupa pilgrimed to the Jordan River in modern day Israel where private escorts of the bible were routinely baptized before wasting quickly thereafter from the various waterborne STDs. Krupa chose a neon bikini beneath her white shirt to ensure her spiritual cleansing would look killer hot. The Polish-American model vowed to be a better drunken reality TV housewife and only fuck her friends’ husbands when so loaded it couldn’t possibly be a sin. Come to Jesus. Document on Instagram. St. Peter doesn’t have basic cable.

Photo Credit: UWAGA!/Facebook

Joanna Krupa Waits for Justice

By Lex February 09, 2015 @ 12:32 PM

Joanna Krupa Major Sideboob In Tight White Dress At 1Oak In Vegas
Joanna Krupa’s defamation lawsuit against Brandi Glanville’s on air assertion that Krupa has a smelly vagina rages on. I believe Clooney’s wife is repping the offended snatch, so wait for the awkward moment when her husband is called as a witness to taste and smell. Just kidding, George Clooney doesn’t have to go down on women. He’s really handsome.

On advice of counsel, Krupa took the weekend in Las Vegas dressed like a total whore. The jury pool might question the integrity of a working woman, but nobody questions her right to get paid. If you don’t believe me, try stiffing a hooker one night in Vegas. It was nice knowing you, Timmy. Who gets your comic books?

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Joanna Krupa Sues For Pussy Defamation And Shit Around The Web

By Michael January 22, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Joanna Krupa is suing her Real Housewife co-star Brandi Glanville for slander against her pussy. Apparently, Glanville made statements to the effect that Krupa’s vag smelled like the Gowanus Canal at low tide. Can you sue for vaginal defamation? I don’t see why not.

Read all about Joanna Krupa’s stanky business. (Dlisted)

Aubrey Plaza smokes cigars spread eagle on the set of Dirty Grandpa. (Egotastic)

Kim Kardashian was doing selfies before it was cool, apparently. (TMZ)

Saudi Arabia sentenced a blogger to a 1000 lashes. Once again I’m glad I’m an American. (Huffington Post)

Shay Mitchell and her titties frolic in this sexy bikini video. (Drunken Stepfather)

Lea Michele wears just a white tank top and it is awesome. (Popoholic)

Kennedy Summers shills for 138 Water in a tiny bikini. (The Superficial)

Joanna Krupa Talks to the Animals

By Lex January 19, 2015 @ 2:13 PM

Joanna Krupa At The Miracle March For Lolita On Key Biscayne In Miami
Most of the time we catch animals, we kill them, gut them, and eat them. I feel like this isn’t conveyed strongly enough to the animals we maintain in zoos and parks. Maybe they’d stop bitching so much. At that Danish zoo, they hacked up a perfectly healthy giraffe right in front of the other giraffes and fed his bloody carcass to the lions where all the animals could see. The giraffes knitted a fucking sweater for the head of the zoo and got it on his desk the next morning. The accompanying note said, get us the acacia tree, don’t get us the acacia tree, we’re good either way.

These days everybody’s on about the Sea World animals. Thanks to the Van Allen radiation belt, many people today can read the minds of animals. The whales are telling these intermediaries that they’re unhappy in captivity. Like Willy from Free Willy, who was actually a killer whale named Keiko stuck in a crappy aquatic tank in Mexico City. After the movie came out, the whole caring world got on their galoshes and air lifted Keiko to a much nicer tank in Oregon, where he quickly developed skin lesions from the different water pH. So they air trucked Keiko once more to Iceland where he was trained for survival then set free in the orca filled waters off of Norway where he died a slow and painful death from pneumonia. In his final moments Keiko recalled his crappy tank back in Mexico wondering how much harder her could have telepathed the message, leave me the fuck alone. It’s warm and they feed me.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Joanna Krupa Is A DJ Now

By Lex January 05, 2015 @ 11:29 AM

Joanna Krupa Is A DJ At The Seminole Hard Rock Hotel And Casino
There’s no reason being attractive should limit you in your career choices. In fact, embrace the opportunity that comes with men being unable to say no to you. In short, be a DJ. Nobody even knows what the hell the job entails besides smiling and holding one half of a headset up to your ear like you’re listening for U-Boats to depth charge. If I hop on my flight later today and I see this chick smiling in the cockpit cell phoning her friends about how she’s now a pilot, I won’t be surprised. The head of Delta has a dick. And I need to die sometime.

Photo Credit: Splash