By Lex November 04, 2014 @ 12:50 PM
Today I’m drowning my electoral dismay in the tits of famous people. I can’t use my vote to raise Braveheart from the ashes and take on Ebola, so I’m going to stare at women without bras on until I no longer care. I could go with whiskey, but I did that last election cycle and I just ended up six weeks later at the local Planned Parenthood with a girl I barely knew putting down my Discover card on an Early Bird Special. I thought we got balloons. We got no balloons.
Joanna Krupa has fought off some nasty professional escort background rumors by prostituting herself on Bravo! reality shows and walking around town without undergarments. I might have chosen a different image rehab plan of attack. Maybe write a book on being a working mother. Nobody really even bothers to check if you have a kid. Just pen a few chapters about the craziness of nursing at work and trying to look your best when you’re exhausted and you’ll be a modern day Elizabeth Cady Stanton. I guess showing off your tits is easier. At least you’ll know people weren’t just pretending to look like they would be with your book.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex October 24, 2014 @ 9:14 AM
Photo Credit: Splash/AKM-GSI
By Lex October 15, 2014 @ 11:01 AM
Hell yes. Ripping through bikini pictures of mere amateurs and you come across Joanna Krupa and her professional lioness looks. You don’t get smoky eyes without earning those bones. These are the photos I almost click on when I learn that live local hot girls in my zip code are down to fuck. Whenever I see those ads I start looking at all my neighbors with a knowing smile. Which one of them is it? Mrs. Langford, you horny AARP bitch with the pugs, I’m coming over now with cookies.
Photo Credit: BikiniWorldSwimwear
By Lex October 01, 2014 @ 1:28 PM
Joanna Krupa was the sole female celebrity who made the hacker list last month to say, fuck it, if it comes out it comes out. Everybody just needs to chill. It’s not like we all haven’t been naked in Playboy before or worked as professional ladies of the evening, you know, allegedly. Those comments kind of irked Kate Upton and others who weren’t smart enough to get Amex traveler’s cheques for sleeping with important men in town when coming up. I like Krupa’s progressive attitude. We live in an age where if you did something you’re not proud of, too fucking late. It’s coming out. Get ahead of that shit emotionally so you don’t need to cry victim for the ages when TMZ starts posting stuff they bought from your grade school counselor. They’re already haggling over price. Trust me.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex June 30, 2014 @ 11:25 AM
Joanna Krupa returned to her homeland to host Poland’s Next Top Model, or as it’s known in Poland, If You Win, Your Family Gets To Use the Good Well. A number of foreign models who’ve moved to the U.S. to marry our football players and nightclub owners often still work as TV personalities and promotional girls back in their native countries. This international flow of labor serves as a model for how sex trafficking should work in a more civilized society.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex June 11, 2014 @ 12:10 PM
Under new ownership, Maxim magazine continues its on-again off-again tradition of inviting really good looking foreign models to its Maxim Hot 100 celebration. Last year saw the Miley Cyrus incident that cost the waning periodical its nut sack in pride. They seem to have righted their ship this year by bringing out girls who have a better understanding of how to put on lipstick. These are the girls who were told as far back as they can remember how pretty they were, because they were, not because they had a kids TV show that was paying for all the Range Rovers in the family.
Photo Credit: Getty