Do you remember the good old days when somebody stabbed and shot somebody else unexpectedly in the shower and then everybody in the dead person’s family went and killed the killer and then there was a good cry, followed by a hoedown and people got loaded and made more babies because that’s how we deal with loss?. Yeah, I don’t remember it either. But in Arizona, it wasn’t all that long ago. If movies are the accurate retelling of history I think they are, Tombstone, Arizona knew how to get this kind of shit done right and quick. But modern day Arizona is now two million dollars and several years counting into keeping Jodi Arias alive after she went batshit crazy on her boyfriend for all the reasons batshit crazy people start stabbing and shooting their boyfriends. I’m not saying it’d have been better justice if somebody from Travis Alexander’s family would’ve just maybe snuffed her out early on, I am saying it would’ve been two million dollars cheaper. C’mon, kids need textbooks in Tucson. Let’s waive some rules and set her loose out in the desert with a ten minute head start.
It’s a scientific fact that girlfriends who are crazy sex fiends are also just plain crazy. Not all of them will murder you bloody in the shower like Jodi Arias did her boyfriend who thought he lucked into a hot piece of crazy tail. Some will just bang all your coworkers then laugh hysterically. Others might empty your bank account and blow it all on designer cats they toss from their speeding car. And then laugh hysterically. In all cases, you will wind up wishing you’d been butchered in the shower.
Before Jodi Arias gets marched out into the desert and shot or however they off death row prisoners in Arizona, she wants the jury to know that if she’s allowed to live, she’ll start a recycling program in prison. Had she tried this random save in an L.A. courtroom, not only would her life be spared, she’d be released from prison entirely, heralded in song on the shoulders of an environmentally grateful jury of her peers. We fucking love recycling in L.A. It’s the leading religion. Too bad for Jodi she blew her gasket in Arizona. She’s off to meet her maker.