Jodie Foster got gay married to her girlfriend Alexandra Hedison one year after telling everybody at the Golden Globes that she was a lesbian. Sort of like Barry Bonds coming out and admitting he used performance enhancing drugs. I mean, you know, when he does. You’ll recall that Foster rambled incoherently at the awards ceremony about how she just wanted everyone to know she dug vagina. It was a half-assed speech that everybody gave lots of applause just because they had to by edict of presiding culture. Soon after, Jodie dumped the woman who she praised in her speech and started dating Alexandra Hedison over last summer in a whirlwind post-menopausal romance. Hedison had previously dated Ellen Degeneres because you’re not really a lesbian in L.A. until you’ve had a taste of Ellen. The two middle-aged love birds got hitched in a private ceremony in Hollywood where as is tradition, a cross-dressing midget came out and started the countdown to Splitsville clock at fourteen months and eleven days. Ah, love. It just keeps you young.
How can anyone forget Jodie Foster’s coming out speech during the Golden Globes this year? After twenty years of being the movie industry’s most prominent lesbian, Jodie Foster incoherently announced something that sounded like she officially liked vagina and everybody should back the fuck up. I guess she felt people still didn’t believe her, so recently she went and started dating Ellen DeGeneres old girlfriend, Alexandra Hedison. Alexandra is such a lesbian even her name sounds dikey. She’s like a super lesbo. Bonus points for looking like John Kerry. You can’t seal your coming out more than going down on an Ellen ex who looks like the Secretary of State.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com
Last night at the Golden Globes, while accepting the Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award, it seemed as if Jodie Foster might finally come right out and tell the world that she’s gay (starting at the 1:37 mark in the video above):
“So, while I’m here being all confessional, and uh, I guess I just have a sudden urge to say something that I‘ve never really been able to air in public, a declaration that I’m a little nervous about, but maybe not quite as nervous as my publicist right now, huh Jennifer?
But, um, I’m just gonna put it out there, loud and proud, right? So I’m gonna need your support on this, I am, uh… single.”
Oh Jodie you devil!
“I hope you’re not disappointed that there won’t be a big coming-out speech tonight because I already did my coming out about a thousand years ago back in the Stone Age in those very quaint days when a fragile young girl would open up to trusted friends and family, and co-workers and then gradually, proudly to everyone who knew her, to everyone she actually met.”
She went on to say that it’s really no ones business if she’s gay or not and she feels no obligation whatsoever to make some big announcement about it, and good for her because she’s right, but even more important is the fact that “back in the Stone Age” got a big round of applause. Apparently actors love the Stone Age! Who knew? “Bronze Age can suck my dick,” someone added!
The best thing you can say about Mel Gibsons lately is that there’s been nothing to say about Mel Gibson lately. Unlike last month, when he spent his days rounding up illegal immigrants and his nights defending white women from roaming packs of black guys with their dongs out.
But things have been quiet lately, and now Jodie Foster, who has been friends with Gibson for almost 20 years, is even speaking up in his defense. The Huffington Post says…
Foster describes Gibson as the “easiest, nicest person I’ve ever worked with… The second I met him, I said, ‘I will love this man for the rest of my life.’”
“When you love a friend, you don’t abandon them when they are struggling. Of course, Mel is an undeniably gifted actor and director, and ‘The Beaver’ is one of his most powerful and moving performances. But more importantly, he is and has been a true and loyal friend. I hope I can help him get through this dark moment.”
Of course she also directed that movie she mentioned, ‘the Beaver’, so maybe she’s not doing this simply to be a good friend. Also keep in mind that she’s gay, and God only makes the people that he hates gay. Why are we even listening to this fork-tongued deceiver?
(note – I don’t have any Jodie Foster pictures, but I wanted to be respectful of her lifestyle choice so I posted a bunch of pictures of girls kissing)
Jodie Foster has been accused of battery by a 17-year-old cry baby, who claims Foster poked him and grabbed his arm after he took her picture with his phone. As you read this keep in mind that Foster is 5’3”, maybe 130 pounds, and 47 years old.
“Jodie Foster attacked my son at the parking lot at The Grove,” the father told Radar. “Jodie pushed and shoved him leaving scratches and bruises on his arm.”
“My son was at The Grove with his girlfriend (wwtdd editors note: open your eyes dude) and they were going to see a movie. He saw Jodie Foster and is a big fan so went over and took a picture of her.”
“She came after him, poked him in the chest and said, ‘Do you even have a mother you slime ball?’”
“He didn’t mouth back at all and was scared of her.”
“On top of it all, he’s a minor!”
“This left a really bad impression on my son about her. He used to be a big fan and now he has a bad taste in his mouth. He’s a good kid; kind of small for his age. There was no threat to Jodie.”
Oh I don’t doubt that. The only way that twink will hurt anyone is if his asshole is too tight.
According to a police report, the incident occurred on May 29 between 1:50pm and 2:00pm with a report of battery and bodily force. The description reads:
“Vict while at The Grove saw susp and began to take pics of susp with his camera then walked to the valet area of The Grove. Susp followed vict, poked him on his chest, grabbed vict by his left arm causing visible injury.”
Even if you doubled everything she’s accused of, I don’t care. Good. I’m glad she poked this creep. We’re not at the fucking zoo, leave her alone.
The Thursday afternoon headlines are hosted by Italian actress Maria Grazia Cucinotta. As the Venice Film Festival draws to a close, it may be another year before we see her huge MILF rack again. Sometimes girls email me and ask if they should get implants and if I’m serious when I talk about how awesome huge boobs are. The answer to that is “yes”. Except “yes” is in all caps and there’s an exclamation point at the end and the exclamation point is actually a lightning bolt.
WHITNEY HOUSTON – told Oprah that she was so strung out on drugs in the late 90’s that she once spent 7 months in her pajamas. She makes doing drugs sound relaxing. I think I’ll try some. (the sun)
TILA TEQUILLA – over the weekend, Tila alleged that her boyfriend, San Diego Chargers star Shawne Merriman, beat her, choked her and held her against her will. Merriman says he was merely keeping her from driving drunk. Today the San Diego Sheriff’s Department presented its evidence to the DA who will decide what charges, if any, are to be filed. Some people would have just taken the car keys, but Shawne Merriman didn’t become an All-Pro linebacker by fussin around like a woman. (e! news)
JODIE FOSTER – has been dumped by her girlfriend, producer Cindy Mort, just two months after Foster dumped Cydney Bernard. Bernard and Foster had dated for the past 14 years. They say Foster is “miserable”. On top of all that, keep in mind that gay people can’t get into Heaven. Poor Jodie. She’s always seemed nice. (the enquirer)