Everyone knows that law enforcement in Los Angeles is completely inept, with their incompetence surpassed only by their laziness, but today it soared to dangerously worthless new heights. Despite being able to watch the crime take place on videotape (here), the DA will not file any charges against anyone, not even Joe Francis, after he grabbed Jayde Nicole by her hair and threw her to the ground.
According to the report, the D.A. supports Joe’s claims that the surveillance video shows that Jayde “appears to have acted without immediate provocation.”
What. In the fuck. Does that mean? “Bitch had it comin”? She poured a drink on him so it’s okay for him to beat her ass? Who’s the DA, Chris Brown?
In conclusion, the D.A. thought “the interests of justice do not support the filing of criminal charges against any of the three suspects.”
A guy walked up behind a woman, grabbed her by the hair, then threw her to the ground. That’s littering at the very least. The cops and DAs in LA are so god damn lazy and stupid it’s terrifying. You can literally watch someone commit a violent crime and nothing is going to be done about it. It would be one thing if Jayde was unattractive, because ugly people aren’t as important or valuable as sexy people like me and Jayde, but she’s gorgeous. Just look at these shorts. And she wears stuff like this all the time. She’s like a beer commercial come to life.
As this video from radar online clearly shows, on August 28th of this year, scumbag Joe Francis stepped up behind perfect angel Jayde Nicole, grabbed her by the hair then flung her to the ground. After that it’s hard to see much, but Jayde - who works with pediatric cancer patients in her spare time - says the pornographer Francis punched and kicked her while she was on the ground.
Why would Joe Francis do this? Well because Jayde was on a murderous rampage and Joes life was at risk. Ah yes of course.
Francis claims he was innocently walking through a crowd of people at “Guys and Dolls” nightclub in Hollywood, when Playboy Playmate Jayde Nicole suddenly struck him in the head, threw a drink on him and stated, “I’m going to kill you!”
Francis claims he was “startled and shocked” — but then he saw Jayde reaching for a bottle. In the docs, Francis claims “in fear and apprehension of being struck a third time and that Nicole was going to carry out her threat to kill him,” Joe grabbed Nicole’s hair in “self-defense.”
Joe claims Nicole fell to the ground — but only because she “lost her balance on her high heels.”
I wish there was some way to determine if Joe was telling the truth. Like a lie-detector test, but more reliable. I think a procedure called “Hit Joe Francis With A Baseball Bat” might work. Essentially, you take a baseball bat, then you hit Joe Francis with it. Then you ask him why he attacked Jayde like that. Of course, this sort of thing wouldn’t be admissible in court, not with all the pussies we have in the government these days.
The attorney for Joe Francis must be from one of those countries where they chop out a womans clitoris when she turns 11 or push them in volcanoes to make it rain, and he’ll be all set if he can get Joe’s assault trial moved there. Otherwise this may be the dumbest defense strategy in the history of anything ever.
Joe Francis acted in self-defense when he grabbed Jayde Nicole’s hair and violently yanked her off a bar stool and dragged her along the floor, his lawyer says.
“The footage clearly shows Nicole instigating the incident, waiting to hit Francis in the back of the head and then pour her drink down his back, thereby committing two counts of battery on Francis,” says a press release quoting Francis lawyer Cyrus Nownejad. He also points out that because the tape has no audio you can’t hear Jayde screaming “I’m going to kill you” at Francis.
“My client grabbed Nicole’s hair in self-defense to restrain her from further assaults against him and to protect himself against her horrendous threat.”
Let’s read that last one again.
“My client grabbed Nicole’s hair in self-defense to restrain her from further assaults against him and to protect himself against her horrendous threat.”
It must have taken superhuman strength for Joe to overcome his injuries and find the courage to grab a 100 pound model by her hair and drag her across the floor. Sure she had her back to him, but that’s just the point. She was facing the bar. She’d already poured 1oz of vodka on his back, now she was reloading. Now we’re up to a quarter-cup, and that’s IF there’s no ice. He could have drowned. His quick thinking saved his life, pretty much.
MEGAN FOX - yesterday there was the Megan-Fox-girl-kissing scene from ‘Jennifers Body’, now comes the famous Megan-Fox-getting-out-of-the-water-naked scene. And it’s terrific. They shot it perfectly. So Sexy. There’s really nothing I would have done differently.
JOE FRANCIS - is being sued for a million dollars by Jayde Nicole, the girl he beat up in a bar in August. Jayde says she suffered a “black eye, swollen face, bruised ribs, a sore and bruised abdomen region, bruised arms and legs, ripped out hair along with utter emotional distress and humiliation and she claims she suffered permanent disability.” I get everything but “humiliation”. She dates Brody Jenner. How much pride could she really have? (radar)
LILY ALLEN - says she is done making music. “Just so you know, I have not renegotiated my record contract and have no plans to make another record.” Luckily she says this kind of thing all the time. She’s awesome, but very emotional. The type who would try to kill herself by holding her breath. (the sun)
RANDY QUAID - has been arrested in Marfa, Texas for that hotel bill thing, but they didn’t go down easy. “there was a struggle and deputies had to wrestle Evi to the ground as she screamed loudly … Randy assaulted (deputies) physically and verbally and resisted arrest.” They will now be extradited to Santa Barbara, which actually sounds really relaxing. (tmz)
A federal judge has refused to reduce the sentence of "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis from 35 days to 30, a move that may cost Francis another year in prison. Francis' lawyer explained that having a record with over 30 days in prison changes the sentencing guidelines in Francis upcoming federal case on tax evasion charges and would make him eligible for another year in jail. Francis is currently in prison for contempt of court, but faces up to 100 years in jail for other charges including smuggling contraband cash and drugs into jail and trying to bribe a prison guard. Joe has settled with the seven girls who brought charges claiming he got them drunk and filmed them for a "GGW" tape when they were underage (this is reminiscent of the claim the LA Times made when a reporter allegedly witnessed Francis rape 18-year-old virgin Jannel Szyszka). The seven girls were asking for 70 million dollars, a number Francis could pay, since he reportedly makes almost 30 million a year. When and if Joe gets released from this current stay in jail, US Marshalls will immediately arrest him for the tax evasion charges.
God that was exhausting. I didn't realize what a scumbag this dude is. I think Jannel Szyzka and I speak for everyone when we say we hope he's sentenced to a thousand years in jail and he gets raped twice a day. And I don't mean "raped" as in the feeling I get when I see the 20 dollar surcharge on the ATM in a strip club, I mean raped by a stuffed marlin while someone shoves his head in a toilet. Hopefully his cell mates will be up for it, because I could never rape anyone. I can barely even manage consensual sex. The girl can sit there on her hands and knees wiggling her ass, practically pointing where to put it and my aim is still off 98 percent of the time. It takes me 10 minutes to put a pillow in a pillowcase for Christ's sake, so forget about getting my dork into someone who's screaming and kicking me. You really have to admire the focus of a prison rapist. Bravo to you, sir.
"Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis pled guilty today to one count of criminal contempt after seven women filed charges saying they were misled and victimized by Francis for one of the "Girls Gone Wild" tapes. Francis will be fined $5,010 and was sentenced to 35 days in jail. Francis was arrested on April 10th and will get credit for time served, meaning he has 23 days left in jail. And yet it gets even worse for Francis, because his cell mate since the 10th and for the next 23 days is a convicted cop-killer who taunts Francis endlessly. TMZ says:
(Francis) is having "full-blown anxiety attacks" and is "breaking down," his lawyer tells the News-Herald of Panama City, Fla. He is isolated in a cold cell with only a towel and a blanket to keep him warm. And the poor, poor multimillionaire's plight is being exacerbated by his jail ward-mate, Robert Bailey, who has been sentenced to die for killing a police officer. Bailey, according to Aaron Dyer, Francis' lawyer, "would sit there and yell, 'Girls Gone Wild! Joe Francis! Whoo!" Last week, Francis missed the medication cart and "went into a full-blown anxiety attack."
Jesus Christ really? Joe Francis is in a cell with a convicted cop killer? I don't like this dude either, but Jesus, really? Why not put some komodo dragons in there too, and a strobe light and a siren. Why not just put some meat pants on him and throw him in a tiger cage. The dude tricked some chicks into taking their shirts off, that hardly seems worthy of this. And this really bothers me because my eyes are so blue, women often can't contain themselves as they get swept away by their passion, staring into these endless blue oceans of intrigue. Does that mean I raped them? My defense attorney and I agree, "maybe not".
