04.25.2007 JOE FRANCIS IS SO SCREWED

A federal judge has refused to reduce the sentence of "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis from 35 days to 30, a move that may cost Francis another year in prison.  Francis' lawyer explained that having a record with over 30 days in prison changes the sentencing guidelines in Francis upcoming federal case on tax evasion charges and would make him eligible for another year in jail.  Francis is currently in prison for contempt of court, but faces up to 100 years in jail for other charges including smuggling contraband cash and drugs into jail and trying to bribe a prison guard.  Joe has settled with the seven girls who brought charges claiming he got them drunk and filmed them for a "GGW" tape when they were underage (this is reminiscent of the claim the LA Times made when a reporter allegedly witnessed Francis rape 18-year-old virgin Jannel Szyszka).  The seven girls were asking for 70 million dollars, a number Francis could pay, since he reportedly makes almost 30 million a year.   When and if Joe gets released from this current stay in jail, US Marshalls will immediately arrest him for the tax evasion charges.  

God that was exhausting.  I didn't realize what a scumbag this dude is.  I think Jannel Szyzka and I speak for everyone when we say we hope he's sentenced to a thousand years in jail and he gets raped twice a day.  And I don't mean "raped" as in the feeling I get when I see the 20 dollar surcharge on the ATM in a strip club, I mean raped by a stuffed marlin while someone shoves his head in a toilet.  Hopefully his cell mates will be up for it, because I could never rape anyone.  I can barely even manage consensual sex.  The girl can sit there on her hands and knees wiggling her ass, practically pointing where to put it and my aim is still off 98 percent of the time.  It takes me 10 minutes to put a pillow in a pillowcase for Christ's sake, so forget about getting my dork into someone who's screaming and kicking me.  You really have to admire the focus of a prison rapist.  Bravo to you, sir. 

(source, source and source



04.23.2007 JOE FRANCIS IS FREAKING OUT

"Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis pled guilty today to one count of criminal contempt after seven women filed charges saying they were misled and victimized by Francis for one of the "Girls Gone Wild" tapes.  Francis will be fined $5,010 and was sentenced to 35 days in jail.  Francis was arrested on April 10th and will get credit for time served, meaning he has 23 days left in jail.  And yet it gets even worse for Francis, because his cell mate since the 10th and for the next 23 days is a convicted cop-killer who taunts Francis endlessly.  TMZ says:

(Francis) is having "full-blown anxiety attacks" and is "breaking down," his lawyer tells the News-Herald of Panama City, Fla. He is isolated in a cold cell with only a towel and a blanket to keep him warm. And the poor, poor multimillionaire's plight is being exacerbated by his jail ward-mate, Robert Bailey, who has been sentenced to die for killing a police officer. Bailey, according to Aaron Dyer, Francis' lawyer, "would sit there and yell, 'Girls Gone Wild! Joe Francis! Whoo!"  Last week, Francis missed the medication cart and "went into a full-blown anxiety attack."

Jesus Christ really?  Joe Francis is in a cell with a convicted cop killer?  I don't like this dude either, but Jesus, really?  Why not put some komodo dragons in there too, and a strobe light and a siren.  Why not just put some meat pants on him and throw him in a tiger cage.  The dude tricked some chicks into taking their shirts off, that hardly seems worthy of this.  And this really bothers me because my eyes are so blue, women often can't contain themselves as they get swept away by their passion, staring into these endless blue oceans of intrigue.  Does that mean I raped them?  My defense attorney and I agree, "maybe not".