Miley Cyrus Tells Joe Jonas to Man Up

By Jack December 27, 2013 @ 1:35 PM

Miley Cyrus responded to Joe Jonas’ allegations that she and Demi Lovato started him down the road to drug problems. In an interview with the New York Times, Miley admits to having introduced Joe to weed but that everything that came after isn’t her fault. We told you about Jonas whining in an interview earlier this month that Miley and Lovato peer pressured him into trying marijuana for the first time. I guess they held him down and twisted his completely heterosexual nipple rings until he took a hit. The incident happened back when they were all young Disney creations being gently molested by Hollywood casting agents and producers. Miley says,

“If you want to smoke weed, you’re going to smoke weed. There’s nothing that two little girls are going to get you to do that you don’t want to do. I thought maybe he was saying that like it was going to make him look badass. We were so young that it’s actually like, ‘How did you get peer pressured by me?”

She’s got a point. Joe Jonas is a huge pussy that no mustache can hide. And, yet, she completely ignores the fact that a teenaged boy will strangle in his parents in their sleep and light the town on fire if a couple teenage girls promise him sex when he’s finished. So, there’s that too. In the end, I blame the parents. As soon as they come out of the money counting room tallying their kids’ financial take, I’m going to have a word with them.

Joe Jonas Blames Everything On Miley Cyrus

By Travis December 02, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Yesterday, Vulture published a tell-all feature written by Joe Jonas from the December 9 issue of New York Magazine, and if you were hoping for a story about teenage groupie orgies, drinking heroin from open track marks and hiding murdered hooker corpses in the Vegas desert, then you clearly don’t know who the Jonas Brothers are. Instead, he opened up about what it was like to be part of the world’s most popular band for stupid kids and part of the Disney machine, and probably the most scandalous part of his pity party story is that Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato forced him to smoke marijuana.

Of the horrifying experience, Joe wrote: “I must have been 17 or 18. They kept saying, ‘Try it! Try it!’ so I gave it a shot, and it was all right.” If rock and roll wasn’t already dead, you can go ahead and slap a toe tag on it now.

Photo Credits: revolutionpix/WENN.com

Joe Jonas DOES NOT Have A Sex Tape, Probably Does

By Travis March 22, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Just when you thought Joe Jonas was the most boring man alive, Blind Gossip came along with a completely unsubstantiated rumor (that is most likely total BS) and shot that All-American virgin routine to hell. According to the site, Jonas and his model girlfriend Blanda Eggenschwiler made a sex tape for the ages, and it is about to hit the web.

Featured on the tape:

At the beginning of the video, Joe and Blanda are sitting on the bed together. They are both drinking and smoking pot, and Blanda explains to Joe what she is going to do to him in detail.

They proceed to engage in multiple sex acts utilizing a variety of sex toys, including a large dildo, a gag ball, and a slapper paddle. Joe participates willingly, but seems less sure of how to use the sex toys, as well as how they will be used on him. He does not enjoy being paddled. At one point he has had enough and cries “Owww! Don’t do that anymore!” Blanda is the more dominant one in the video. At one point she inserts the dildo inside of herself, orders Joe to “lick my p**** juice off of it,” and he complies.

The couple is very vocal and there is a lot of overly dramatic screaming and moaning. The sex is explicit, and there are multiple close-up shots of Joe’s face, penis and testicles, as well as Blanda’s face, breasts, and vagina. In between sex acts, they consume shots of alcohol. The video looks as if it was shot over the course of several hours, and some scenes were shot multiple times, so we do not know which takes will appear on the final cut. Both Joe and Blanda start out sober but appear to be inebriated by the end of it.

Joe’s reps deny every last word of this, as it’s about as believable as Tim Tebow running a glory hole at a Chik Fil A, but they shouldn’t have even bothered. It’s Joe Jonas and a girl named Blanda. Even if they had a sex tape, it would probably come bundled with a wedding video and a bible made of condoms.

(Photo Credit: Owen Beiny/KS/WENN.com)

Kate Upton makes the All-Star game fascinating

By brendon July 11, 2011 @ 4:21 PM

65014

If there’s one thing Major League Baseball is great at, it’s dragging things on forever, so the All Star Game is now a 4 day event, including the celebrity softball game that was held yesterday. I’m assuming Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton was the MVP, based mostly on her kick-ass tiny shorts.

Granted she looked like a girly spaz when she tired to play, but so did Joe Jonas (who almost filled out his uniform as well as 64-year-old Rollie Fingers). He either missed this pitch or uppercut it so bad it hasn’t landed yet. In his defense, slow-pitch softball is practically impossible. Maybe next year they could get a kick ball and put it on a tee for him.

(image source = getty)

Ashley Greene is resilient

By brendon March 18, 2011 @ 2:47 PM

Ashley Greene, Jared Followill

It was just yesterday morning when a rep announced that Ashley Greene had broken up with Joe Jonas after dating for 8 months. Immediately after that she spent the rest of the day with Jared Followill, the bass player for Kings of Leon.

Who ever could have guessed that an attractive woman would be an ice cold, black-hearted monster who cares nothing of the trail of broken hearts she leaves in her wake? Not me!

(image source = inf daily)