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Johnny Manziel Hard to Kill

Johnny Manziel has been a famous drunk for so long now it's hard to imaginehe's only twenty-three. He has a solid ten years before he's at the Lamar Odom brothel cashing out his life stakes for pussy and death mints. Since being cut by the Browns, akin to being dumped by an ugly girlfriend, Manziel's been clubbing in L.A. with claims he's living with various former Browns and Texas A&M teammates who have no idea...read more

Johnny Manziel Pink Slipped

The Cleveland Browns released Johnny Manziel after carefully considering the impact of their franchise making a good decision. Manziel was released because he was an immature out-of-control drunk who used his status as a highly touted prospect to fuck tons of women and punch a couple on the backend of benders. Manziel was considered a highly polarizing figure prior to the draft, which meant that not a single team...read more

Johnny Manziel Pours Heavy

Johnny Manziel was so incredibly not arrested. A distinction his remaining representatives and family counting on his NFL contract insist you note. He's merely being investigated again for getting soused and punching his girlfriend. It was a Saturday night. Maybe a Thursday. Shit happens when you're celebrating another successful season with the Cleveland Browns. Manziel could've had it all. Football hero. White...read more

Johnny Manziel Goes To Rehab

It's possible to hold down a barrister job or even be a Lyft driver as a functioning alcoholic. Not so much as an NFL quarterback in the digital media era. Johnny Manziel has finally entered rehab before his liver falls out of his body. Hisspokesman who laughs at all his jokesconfirmed: "Johnny knows there are areas in which he needs to improve in order to be a better family member, friend and teammate and he thought...read more

Johnny Manziel Seems On Point

It's easy to call out Johnny Manziel as being undedicated to his craft. It's even easier to say, fuck yeah, I'd be partying and whoring around every day but Sunday if I could too. No offense to the girl in the picture, naturally. Whore. Manziel drinks too much and bangs too many ladies by whose standards? I guess the Browns could fire him. They hired him knowing this already. Plus they're the Browns, they're just...read more

Alcoholics Don't Want Johnny Manziel

Alcoholics don't unite around much save for cheap ethanoland plastic shorts, but many seem pretty pissed that Skip Bayless in particular called out Johnny Manziel as an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a hapless disease, whereas Johnny Manziel chooses to drink himself into a regular stupor, affecting his work and personal life, and then lie about it when questioned. I think I get it. People with diseases deserve pity. Manziel...read more

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Johnny Manziel Almost Punched A Guy

Johnny Manziel may or may not have punched a dude who was bothering him in the building he lives in. Some convicted felon and all around scumbag named Chris Gonos approached Manziel and asked him for a hug near the elevator while probably definitely not sober. At that point shit got weird and Manziel's roommate punched the guy. Gonos says Manziel punched someone in his group but I don't trust guys named Gonos. The...read more

Johnny Football Got the Bieber Taint

The Cleveland Browns are fucked by forces not explained by the natural sciences. Seeing the salvation of your franchise hanging with Justin Bieber while the cops are banging on the door must feel like Hades is stirring the pot once more. Party face with Bieber is like bobbing for apples in a barrel full of herpes, there's no way to weave that into a crazy Saturday night story without people no longer wanting to be...read more