Jose Canseco Is Single Again

By Matt November 25, 2014 @ 7:12 AM


Jose Canseco’s fiancee Leila Knight dumped him because she realized she was engaged to Jose Canseco. Also he apparently threatened to kill her and it is widely assumed he has a clean gun:

On a laundry list of Jose Canseco’s negative attributes homicidal rage ranks near the middle. Sure it’s annoying when a dude threatens to splatter your goose, but you’re a stripper and you’ve seen worse on a slow swing shift. The agonizing conversations about monster trucks and gatling guns might take a back seat to a death threat of indeterminate severity. It will be interesting to see Canseco on the prowl at the Hard Rock pool sporting a banana hammock and nine fingers. True love is fragile. Especially when it’s between two of the dumbest people on earth.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Jose Canseco Is a Rapscallion of Sorts

By Lex November 21, 2014 @ 1:54 PM


Jose Canseco’s finger didn’t actually drop off during a poker game in Vegas after all. Driven by a mix of steroids, an unbridled passion for attention, and what can only be described as a less than moderate level of aptitude, it’s really impossible to know what this whimsical bastard will conjure up next. Jose claims he did actually shoot off his middle finger when cleaning his gun or trying to end his life or perhaps raping a farmer’s favorite goat. But the finger never fell off again nor was it ever for sale on Ebay nor has Canseco contributed anything to society besides a list of names of PED users in baseball and promising to stop putting himself in a position to have women call the cops on him so frequently. He also has a hot teen daughter which is a something. You could try to keep the middle finger story straight or just chalk this up to nobody should’ve give a fuck if any Jose Canseco appendage falls off in the first place. Until it’s his head then we’re going to want to blow some noisemakers or something.

Photo credit: Joe Canseco/Twitter: That’s his fucking finger blowing gun

Jose Canseco’s Dead Finger And Shit Around The Web

By Michael November 17, 2014 @ 12:00 PM


A couple weeks ago Jose Canseco claims he accidentally shot off his finger while cleaning a gun, as happens to millions of Americans daily. He had the digit re-attached by some discount doctor and the finger fell off during a poker game in Vegas. It’ll all be in his next hilarious autobiography, Funny Shit That Happened on the Way to My Rape Trial.

How will he hold the ‘roids syringe with only four fingers? (The Superficial)

The Dropkick Murphys ran a guy the fuck over with their tour bus. (TMZ)

Is it just me or is Angelina Jolie looking more and more like Skeletor? (Huffington Post)

Melanie Ribbe is all kinds of naked in these “arty” shots. (Drunken Stepfather)

This is Alexandra Erickson and this is her ass. (Hollywood Tuna)

Yara Khmidan in a bikini is faaaaaptastic. (Popoholic)

Amy Jackson’s tits are big and plump like a tit melon. (Celebslam)

Jose Canseco Shoots Himself

By Matt October 30, 2014 @ 9:10 AM


Jose Canseco shot his middle finger off while cleaning his gun. Those Chuck Norris jokes were never really funny but few could top this true life saga. Canseco is known mostly for shooting roids and acting like a poor man’s clogged colon years Elvis. It makes sense he would spend his retired life on the outskirts of Vegas banging ex strippers and cleaning guns in the kitchen while frying up a banana sandwich. When you sell out your peers and nobody wants to talk to you that’s where you end up. Hanging with diapered goats and cleaning your piece for the fifth time this week. He may never regain the use of his hand, although his brain now lacks basic motor functions so call it a wash.

Photo Credit: Jose Canseco Twitter

Jose Canseco Pulled Over With Fainting Goats In His Car

By Lex November 22, 2013 @ 2:09 PM

In case you’re unaware, Jose Canseco, the godfather of steroids in baseball and oft-questioned suspect regarding sexual assaults in his neighborhood, maintains a small private zoo in his backyard. He claims the various caged animals are for personal amusement for family and visitors, but anybody peeking over the fence at 2am will see Jose in a Speedo and a lab smock perform all kinds of hideous Dr. Moreau like experiments on his imprisoned beasts. As soon as he figures out how to rob turtle of its defensive powers, deer of its speed, and gator of its predatory instincts, he will be able to transform himself into one super fucking Atlantic Rim rapist. What Jose Canseco intends to do with a pair of fainting goats is anybody’s guess. Those being those miniature goats that freeze and fall to the ground when you scare the shit out of them. Jose and his girlfriend were pulled over by the police with a couple of them in diapers in the back of his car. I assume the highway patrol standardly asked Jose for his driver’s license, insurance, and to inspect the goats’ diapers for traces of semen.

What If Jose Canseco Was Your Dad? (VIDEO)

By Lex June 28, 2013 @ 3:03 PM

I’m always saying it’s tough to be a celebrity kid, unless you’re hot. I guess Josie Canseco falls into this category. Though an aspiring model, she’s still like just sixteen or something. Imagine having your friends over to hang by the pool and there’s rapey steroid dad in his Speedo. Just watch. Feel bad for Josie.

Here’s some of Josie’s bikini pictures. With fucked up divorced celebrity parents and a remarried aging model mom on TV, she’s destined to really destroy men.