Jose Canseco Pulled Over With Fainting Goats In His Car

By Lex November 22, 2013 @ 2:09 PM

In case you’re unaware, Jose Canseco, the godfather of steroids in baseball and oft-questioned suspect regarding sexual assaults in his neighborhood, maintains a small private zoo in his backyard. He claims the various caged animals are for personal amusement for family and visitors, but anybody peeking over the fence at 2am will see Jose in a Speedo and a lab smock perform all kinds of hideous Dr. Moreau like experiments on his imprisoned beasts. As soon as he figures out how to rob turtle of its defensive powers, deer of its speed, and gator of its predatory instincts, he will be able to transform himself into one super fucking Atlantic Rim rapist. What Jose Canseco intends to do with a pair of fainting goats is anybody’s guess. Those being those miniature goats that freeze and fall to the ground when you scare the shit out of them. Jose and his girlfriend were pulled over by the police with a couple of them in diapers in the back of his car. I assume the highway patrol standardly asked Jose for his driver’s license, insurance, and to inspect the goats’ diapers for traces of semen.

What If Jose Canseco Was Your Dad? (VIDEO)

By Lex June 28, 2013 @ 3:03 PM

I’m always saying it’s tough to be a celebrity kid, unless you’re hot. I guess Josie Canseco falls into this category. Though an aspiring model, she’s still like just sixteen or something. Imagine having your friends over to hang by the pool and there’s rapey steroid dad in his Speedo. Just watch. Feel bad for Josie.

Here’s some of Josie’s bikini pictures. With fucked up divorced celebrity parents and a remarried aging model mom on TV, she’s destined to really destroy men.

Canseco Tweets Rape Charge Like a Dumbass

By Jack May 22, 2013 @ 4:24 PM

Everyone’s favorite dickhead ex-baseball player Jose Canseco has once again shown why not everyone should have access to Twitter. He was Tweeting away idiotically this morning when the cops showed up at his house. It seems that Jose was a naughty boy and may have raped a girl in Las Vegas. Not only does he live Tweet the cops telling him he was being investigated on a rape charge, he also Tweeted the girl’s name, a picture, and her phone number. He then took it all down but in Internet time it only takes seconds for info to get out. Then he Tweeted about going to Fort Worth to play with cats. I hope they let him Tweet from prison. He’s a big dude, but big dude sex offenders just get raped a little harder. Can’t wait to read the live updates. #AssholeAssRaped.