Lottery Winner Robbed and Killed, No Way To See That Coming

By Lex January 21, 2016 @ 2:30 PM


God gave you everything he’s going to give you. Check your bank balance. That’s what the tools you’ve got have brought you. If you were meant to have half a million more dollars, you’d have been born with the skills to dominate at Pai Gow or invented a candy or doughnut themed app that fat women play all day. Having half a million in cash dropped in your lap for no good reason offends the higher power. The State of Georgia gave 20-year old Craigory Burch, Jr. that money simply because he was lucky. Now he’s unlucky. Do you see how that works? Random chance is a seesaw. Three dudes with guns just sat on the other end. That seems to happen a lot with lottery winners. It’s not the same with learned skills. They stick around for good. Stay in school, kids. I hear they’re super plush now with all that Lottery money. Thanks for the check ceremony promo pic. Can you send it out to the media along with my home address and hours I’m alone?


Freddie Prinze Jr Angry At Life

By Matt July 29, 2014 @ 6:37 AM


Freddie Prinze Jr talked a ton of shit about Kiefer Sutherland at Comic Con because the only other way to make headlines is vehicular homicide. Prinze apparently did not enjoy working with Kiefer on 24, and has since bombed every subsequent audition in a form of silent protest.

“[Sutherland was the] Most unprofessional dude in the world… I did 24 and it was terrible. I hated every moment of it. I just wanted to quit the business after that. So, I just sort of stopped.”

Daniel Day-Lewis takes a hiatus between Oscar performance. When other actors just sort of stop it means nobody wants to hire them. Prinze continued channeling his post child actor loser status through Sutherland:

“I went and worked for Vince McMahon at the WWE, for Christ’s sake … but, at least he was cool and tall.”

Actually you went on WWE because that is the prototypical next step from child actor to fringe pornographer to heroin junky. Prinze should really try projecting his anger with some results. He should stage his own death and write a whiny suicide note blaming Kiefer Sutherland, who will be far too shit faced to notice or care. Think of yourself as a producer hiring yourself for the best part ever. The guy who goes away for good. You can do this, Freddie. Sarah Michele will find better.

Photo Credit: Getty Images