By Lex May 20, 2015 @ 9:22 AM
Julianne Hough’s dress not working Mormon right was the sum total highlight of Season 5,000 of Dancing With the Stars. ABC is running seasons on continuous cycle allowing them to air an episode every thirteen seconds somewhere on this planet. The alternative is producing a scripted network TV show which has to seem like building a sand castle while the tide is coming in. A collection of very modest budget celebrities ballroom dancing while fey men reflexively masturbate to shimmering costumes is the superior alternative. After after party at Derek Hough and his platonic male roommate’s place. Sign the NDA or you’re not getting a mimosa.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex November 12, 2014 @ 9:41 AM
As far as virgins go, you could do worse than a pretty blond with a killer body and a steady paycheck. You’d have to allow for her and her gay brother putting on shows in the living room and sharing a bed together when you’re out of town, but at least you don’t have to worry about her safety, or her hymen. When wedding night roles around you’ve got blood and tears and a whole mass of complicated emotions to look forward to. That sounds awesome. Though not as awesome as going second.
Photo Credit: Shape
By Lex July 29, 2014 @ 9:28 AM
Apparently, seeing Julianna Hough and Derek Hough dance in sequins is a thing as the brother and sister have been on tour this summer in cities where men are allowed to stare deep into their little sister’s vaginas without being arrested. The siblings have been dancing together since they were little kids when Julianne would force Derek try on her dresses by saying, ‘Hey, Derek’. It was all gender identity fun and games until the Mormon God cursed Julianne with discovering Ryan Seacrest trying on her negligee two decades later. Imagine that blood curdling scream. If you’re hoping to see the Hough’s show, you’re shit out of luck. The run just ended. But for the same price I know a guy who will blow you while pretending he’s your sister and he’s worried your dad is going to walk in. I mean, I know of him.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Travis February 25, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Taking a much deserved vacation somewhere on the brink of irrelevancy, Julianne Hough also took a moment to make a memory with the photographers that are keep her career on life support by whipping out her iPhone and snapping a shot for her album. The actress and her group of friends spent the rest of their time at Manhattan Beach walking and dancing around like they were starring in a tampon commercial, which, at this point in Julianne’s career, would be like a gift from god. After the fun, Julianne and her friends probably went home, rubbed some shoe polish all over their faces and then came back and did it again, except this time while singing Salt-N-Pepa songs. Those quirky white girls know how to keep it fresh.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Lex October 28, 2013 @ 2:31 PM
Julianne Hough made the massive mistake over the weekend of offending a dude who works at the NAACP in Pennsylvania. No, she didn’t go on a racist rant like Alec Baldwin or sieg heil like Jesse James, she dressed up like a black character from Orange is the New Black, the prison bitches show from Netflix. Easily offended people were offended and denounced Julianne for her minstrel show ‘blackface’ and for not knowing her history. Because if she had known her history, she’d know that her costume shared zero association with blatantly racist blackface tradition, other than her attempt to color her skin to mimic the actress she was portraying. Like every single actress in Hollywood does for a film role or just to look deeply tanned despite hiding like a shrinking albino from the sun. The far greater tradition of Hollywood is political correctness and knee-jerk apologies, so Julianne quickly issued her own. On Twitter, well, Twitlonger, which is the site for people who can’t be banal and insipid in just 140 characters. She realizes that her Halloween costume offended people, like every great Halloween costume ever. Still waiting on her apologies for Rock of Ages and pretending that Ryan Seacrest is straight.
Photo Credit: PCN
By Lex October 23, 2013 @ 3:33 PM
Julianne Hough is wearing these leggings because they help her optimal exercise performance. The fact that her cheeks and vagina lips are showing is just a byproduct of her need to reduce the wind resistance on her body during Pilates. People who don’t know shit about fluid dynamics will probably suggest she’s just trying to get the cameras to snap her fine ass. They just don’t understand drag coefficient like Julianne does.
Photo Credit: WENN