Justin Bieber Believes Himself To Be An Artist

October 25, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Justin Bieber walked off stage in London because his idiot prepubescent fans wouldn’t stop screaming at the sight of him. Bieber apparently feels he has a message to convey and wants to be treated as a serious artist and not the twink YouTube bubblegum fuck he is who has been unleashed on America to suppress young boys testosterone production.

READ MORE

Guy Brags About Buying Bieber A Sandwich

September 8, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Some guy named Kody Christiansen reportedly paid Justin Bieber’s bill at Subway after his credit card was declined, proof that only assholes still eat at Subway. Kody insists he didn’t want to publicly take credit for his good deed, but that the information was ‘leaked’ most likely by Anonymous or Wikileaks because it’s clearly really important.

READ MORE

Justin Bieber’s New Kidnapped Girlfriend Has No Bra

August 22, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Justin Bieber’s midget peen is boning a shit ton of young women. He was fucking Lionel Richie’s seventeen year old daughter. But Bieber appeared in England over the weekend jetting around in helicopters with this chick with no bra on who’s only known as Sofia Richie’s friend of legal age.

READ MORE

Justin Bieber Pick of the Litter

July 6, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Magazines overly concerned with whom Justin Bieber is currently extending his tiny romantic appendage believe young model Alexandra Rodriquez might be the one. First, she owns that same underaged appearance as Selena Gomez. A midget never forgets his first normal.

READ MORE

Justin Bieber Gets In A Fight (VIDEO)

June 10, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

If you’re a diminutive 22 year old child who many people instinctively and justifiably want to punch in the face, at some point you’re going to have to throw a blow. Some guy apparently tapped Bieber on the head in the lobby of his hotel. It appears Justin Bieber’s life is essentially based on humiliating himself. He has to sing those shitty songs with a straight face and eye-fuck nine year olds in the front row.

READ MORE

Justin Bieber Drinks Out Of Lewis Hamilton’s Champagne Bottle At Monaco Grand Prix

May 30, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Auto racing is a good gig if you can get it. You drive souped up cars. You fuck hot international models. Everybody gets wasted on rich people’s wine. Lewis Hamilton who used to bang that Pussycat Doll won the Monaco Grand Prix. As is the tradition a magnum of champagne was opened for the champion racer. He chose to share with Justin Bieber who was on hand because that little lesbian Lucifer is everywhere.

READ MORE

Justin Bieber’s Music Shockingly Unoriginal

May 27, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

An indie musician named White Hinterland is suing Justin Bieber and producer Skrillex for sampling her vocals in Bieber’s hit “Sorry” without giving her credit. If you listen to it, it’s super obvious that Bieber’s music sucks and also that she’s correct. Hinterland is not an obscure musician, her songs have hundreds of thousands of hits and she’s been mentioned in Rolling Stone.

READ MORE

Justin Bieber Unaware Of His Role

May 24, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Justin Bieber appears to be coming to the Derek Zoolander-esque realization that what he does lacks substance. Bieber often struggles in his live performances which is a natural result of being marginally talented and recording shitty music. In searching for validation it’s tough to admit you’re a pawn supplying fleeting filler bullshit so corporations can run ads for Pepsi.

READ MORE

Bieber Tranqs His Tiger

May 3, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Tiger blood seemed cooler when it was a cheeky euphemism for The AIDS running through Charlie Sheen’s veins. Less cool when loaded with sedatives to keep kitty comatose at a Toronto engagement party for Justin Bieber’s righteous dad Jeremy. You’d think maybe Jeremy Bieber would’ve given up on romance after fucking a baby into a runaway teen and making a very small grown up. His prospects certainly got richer when his son named him chief beer and weed connect.

READ MORE

Bieber White Boy Dreads And Shit Around The Web

April 5, 2016 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Justin Bieber turned his hair into horrible, smelly white boy dreadlocks. You should never have dared him to be a bigger asshole. Behold the horror. (TMZ) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley on all fours. Oooh. (Last Men On Earth) Nickey Whelan is topless on “House of Lies”. (Egotastic All-Stars) Meanwhile, Claudia Romani has an amazing ass. (Egotastic) Let’s look […]

READ MORE