By Travis September 25, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
One of the recurring themes in any story involving Justin Bieber being a prickish little douchebag asshole is the presence of his “entourage” members and aspiring rappers Lil Twist and Lil Za (seen above at a Billboard party in May that they were invited to because they live with Bieber). They’ve been behind the wheels of Bieber’s expensive cars when neighbors have reported them speeding and Twist was even accused of beating up a girl in Beiber’s mansion. But now, according to TMZ, the pop star has kicked the duo out of his home after some jewelry recently went missing. Obviously, Twist and Za are reportedly pissed, and one way or another, this is going to end with someone getting his ass kicked, so all in all, I think this is spectacular news.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
By Lex September 16, 2013 @ 12:38 PM
Justin Bieber is the human taint. He’s like an STD minus any of the fun you had in acquiring him. Imagine you stubbed your toe on a table leg and it gave you herpes. That’s Justin Bieber. Earlier, we saw him fucking ruining Superman vs. Batman, just by the mere baseless insinuation he was going to be part of the upcoming movie. Over the weekend he instantly discredited Floyd Mayweather’s unification victory. Great work, Floyd, you out boxed Alvarez then willingly took a sucker punch to the rectum from Justin Bieber. Two months ago Bieber human smudged the Stanley Cup in the Blackhawks locker room. Do you think General Patton would’ve posed with Justin Bieber after taking Sicily? Would Macleod have let Bieber flash gang signs aside him after sheering off The Kurgan’s head? No. Not so much. I can’t remember exactly what brought down the Roman Empire, but I have a good idea what’s going to render us neutered and bereft of spirt. He’s 5’4 and he looks like the girl who turned me down for the 8th grade dance.
By Travis September 16, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Justin Bieber has every comic book geek from here to Metropolis freaking out over the above image that he posted to Instagram on Saturday, because everyone thinks it means that the boy with the mustache made of pubes is actually going to be in Batman vs. Superman. Realistically, Warner Bros. just sent him a copy of the script because he’s a huge celebrity and keeping the plot a secret is for pussies. But on the awful chance that Zack Snyder values his and Superman fans so little, we can at least hope for a reprisal of Bieber’s greatest acting moment to date.
By Jack September 13, 2013 @ 12:24 PM
The latest in Justin Bieber’s life leading to an eventual bad end that nobody with male gonads will care about has the star and his posse of pussies smoking so many blunts on a private plane that the pilot thought he was going to need oxygen. Apparently, Biebs and his band of merry fuckwads don’t just get baked on tour buses and backstage after his musical tour de force. They like to get high on their $60K jaunts between gigs, which seems like a harmless idea until the pilot starts getting dizzy in the cockpit of the airborne hot box. Biebs might be a once in a generation music artist touched by God himself, but I bet he can’t pilot a Cessna, though I’d pay big dollars for a video tape of the last fifteen seconds or so of him trying.
By Lex September 09, 2013 @ 9:22 AM
Justin Bieber publicly debuted his mustache this weekend in New York . I think we can all agree that there’s nothing more manly on a girl than a mustache. When you throw in Justin’s wicked masculine temper, his sexually unsure inspired body art, and his muscular physique resembling those odd kids you see in Guatemala lifting dumbbells at age six, ring the fucking macho man bell. This Canadian lesbian midget is going Magnum.
Justin Bieber was spotted out grabbing a late night snack at the Dream Downtown Restaurant in NYC on Sunday. The singer was greeted by a mob of fans who he tried his best to take photos with. Some fans became to aggressive and security had to become violent. — Splash News
I don’t think anybody blames security for having to become violent. You can’t reason with teen girls experiencing mustache berserk. You have to go to the stick. You don’t need to beat them all, just a few of the tougher ones, the rest will get the message. No me molestes mustache.
By Travis September 06, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Justin Bieber posted the above photo to his Instagram account yesterday, showing off the new graffiti art that Chris Brown sprayed for his half pipe, while calling the guy who bounced Rihanna’s face off of a car window “super dope.” These two have been friends for a while, which might actually explain a lot about the way both of them behave. Best case scenario: they’re both eventually arrested for murder, they blame each other and then spend all of their money hiring people to try to kill each other and their douchebag friends. Worst case scenario: They record another song together.
Sure, the former might seem a little drastic and far-fetched, but given the choice I think I know which way we’re all leaning.