Ah, to be rich and tiny. Justin Bieber’s youthful success denied him the teen beat downs that would’ve normally turned the music loving midget into a bitter record industry executive or a twink prostitute with rings on his head from where customers didn’t use coasters for their drinks. But, no, Bieber moved right into protected wealthy parent-free stardom and hell if you don’t know the result. I think spoiled rich gender ambiguous kids have been doing lousy shit for forever. It’s only recently that technology has allowed them to share their self-indulgent shit-eating grins with the entire world in half a second. Bieber pulled the daily double of pissing his initial in the snow in Aspen by day, then flying to Miami to make it rain with $75K in single dollar bills he ordered up at the King of Diamonds strip club party for his rapper buddy, Lil Scrappy. All of Justin’s friends seemed to be named Lil something and have in common the fact that the highlight of their professional career is getting loaded and living in Justin’s house rent free. I guess you could say having Justin as a pal wouldn’t be half bad. You’d probably get free hookers and weed. If you didn’t mind telling Justin what a badass he was every couple of hours and pretend his obvious obsession with urine wasn’t such a big deal, you could probably have a decent hanger-on existence. Someday, the merry-go-round will stop, but there’s always somebody else to glom onto while you’re waiting for Behind the Music to contact you and tell all the nasty Caligula type shit you saw.
When cops raided Justin Bieber’s large lesbian love nest they found all kinds of drugs and drug paraphernalia. Apparently, the little shit dick has turned his house into quite the psychotropic den. We told you last week about Justin’s house being searched in connection with an egging attack on a neighbor’s house. Along with what I can only imagine is a lot of multipurpose lubricant, the cops found quite a bit of drug shit. Cookie jars full of weed, a dedicated smoking room full of hookahs, and lots of empty sizzurp bottles. This seems to be Bieber’s drug of choice. It seems the little ferret likes to mix the codeine laced cough syrup with pineapple Fanta. It figures that this is his favorite fucking drug.
How unmanly can you get? I remember a time when musicians and rock stars would mainline heroin into the veins in their dicks and chase it with a bottle of Jack. This asshole drinks cough syrup mixed with fruity soda to get high like a a drunk 13 year old making do with what’s around the house. Cops found dozens of cups with residue of the cough syrup and soda combo. The police, however, aren’t going to do anything about it. Their search warrant was only to look for evidence related to the egging incident and Bieber has a ton of money and attorneys. The only reason Justin’s BFF Lil Za got busted is because he had the drugs on him at the time. So, Justin can continue guzzling junkie pop. I wish Bieber would grow up and start doing real drugs. It remains our best chance to be rid of him.
Justin Bieber is terrified of what cops will find on his cell phone, namely naked pics and references to drug use. We told you a couple of days ago about the raid at the little lesbian ferret’s castle looking for evidence to connect him to an egging incident at a neighbor’s house. Cops took Bieb’s cell phone in order to look for pics or video of the egging incident. Apparently, the only eggs Justin is worried the cops will find are pics of his nearly shorn huevos. Because, like all narcissistic jackasses, Justin loves to admire and photograph his ripped gender-neutral body in the mirror. Being the dumbass that he is I’m also sure there are all kinds of video and pics of him doing drugs, girls, boys, his mother before she realized he reminded her of a client she had about twenty years ago. He’s afraid that some money hungry peace officer at the sheriff’s department will sell the pics to a tabloid. I would consider that a given.
This is why smart people know when it’s put away the camera time. Like when you’re doing bumps off the bare-ass of Lil Za. That shit can and will get out eventually. Then what will all the screaming girls fans and their pederastic adoring moms say about their beloved Justin? Probably not so much. When you love a douchebag, that’s a commitment that requires very selective information processing.
Justin Bieber’s life partner and loyal fall guy Lil Za was arrested again for vandalism while still in custody on a drug possession charge. We told you yesterday about the raid at Justin Bieber’s house looking for evidence to connect him and his rent boys to an egging incident at a neighbor’s house. The cops arrested a Bieber associate named Lil Za for possession of molly and other fruity drugs. While Lil Za was waiting to post bail he decided to smash up the jailhouse phone. He was then arrested again for vandalism which, like the egging incident that set everything in motion, might be a felony. It’s unclear why Lil Za smashed the phone. It’s possible he became frustrated as he tried to remember the number of the attorney Bieber assured him would get him off for agreeing to say the party drugs were his.
(Image Via Instagram)
While people across the world were dying from war, famine and disease, cable news channels were covering the most important event of the week: LAPD officers raiding Justin Bieber’s house because he allegedly egged his neighbor. Obviously we eat this shit up, because fuck that stupid dickhead and his entourage of entitled shmucks, but actual news channels covering it over a school shooting in New Mexico? Get the fuck out of here. Besides, why do we need news channels offering bullshit analysis on situations like this when we have people like Kylie Jenner who can Retweet the hottest opinions with authority?
Bieber’s producer Maejor Ali was furious over the raid on his friend’s home, and he let the LAPD have it. “Thousands of tax payers dollars were just WASTED by sending 12 ARMED officers with GUNS DRAWN in Justin Bieber’s home to search for Eggs,” Ali Tweeted. “Meanwhile people in Urban communities have a hard time getting ONE officer to come out for DANGEROUS crimes ..So many unsolved murders/rapes,” he added. And he’s so right, because why the fuck should we stop some shithead from allegedly causing $20,000 of damage to his neighbor’s house when there are so many other people to help?
Obviously, the easy solution is to just blame Bieber for all of the murders and rapes and call it a day.
Photo Credit: WENN.com
Justin Bieber could get sent to the ass pokey for egging his neighbor’s house. We told you last week about an incident that occurred in which everyone’s favorite mop-top lesbian pelted his neighbor’s house with eggs. He was mad at the neighbor because he didn’t think that Justin being the most annoying fucking twat on the planet was cute. He didn’t respect the artist. The neighbor is saying that the egging caused 20K in damage to his house. In California any property damage caused by vandalism over $400 is considered a felony. I’m not exactly sure how a few eggs could cause that much damage to a house. Was he shooting them out of some kind of egg bazooka or did he learn to fire them from his vagina like those girls in Thailand do with ping pong balls…I’ve heard?
I know Bieber’s going to be let off with a warning or having to have one of his rapper posse sign in for him at a roadside cleanup crew for a week. He probably won’t even get deported back to Canada. But wouldn’t it be glorious if this was the crime that finally brought Bieber down? In the least, the cops could bring him in for questioning and run a baton roughshod up his sphincter while blaming him for the crappy music their daughters keep playing in their houses. I know tons of kids egg houses, but isn’t it time we made somebody the bloody ass rape example for the rest of the world to stop this insidious practice? You could tell kids going out on Halloween, now don’t end up not being able to control your bowels anymore like that poor Justin Bieber. I’d put the eggs away.