Justin Bieber Is The World's Greatest Skateboarder (VIDEO)

Justin Bieber is back from walking around shirtless in Cannes and getting lap dances from Paris Hilton, so he hit up New York City yesterday to unwind by showing off his skateboarding skills. Of course he was shirtless while skateboarding, because when you're as ripped and tatted up as he is, you need all the bitches walking by to see that hardcore attitude and respect the cock. Then, when you have everyone's...

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Justin Bieber Is Partying With Paris Hilton And Wesley Snipes In Cannes (VIDEO)

In an ongoing effort to show us what a joke of a shitshow the Cannes Film Festival has become, not only has Paris Hilton been pretending she's still a DJ at clubs in the city, but now the boy who couldn't ever wear a shirt, Justin Bieber, has brought his saggy jeans and tough guy routine to a once-reputable celebration of the movie industry as well. On Sunday night, Justin hit the Gotha night club, where Paris was...

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This Girl Wants Justin Bieber To Be Her Prom Date

A lot of girls probably want Justin Bieber to be their prom dates, but most of those girls are really stupid and aren't possibly one of the girls around the world that the pop star is actually dating/sleeping with. Miami model Yovanna Ventura at least seems to think that she's dating Bieber, because she's tweeted this same photo of them together twice, and both times she has said that she loves him. And according to ...

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The Sheriff's After Justin Bieber For What He Did to His Daughter

Justin Bieber and his posse of roughriders were playing miniature golf at the Sherman Oaks Castle Park on Monday night when a kerfuffle broke out that carried over into the batting cages. Justin bravely snatched a cell phone away from a chick who was standing nearby to make sure she wasn't filming his mini-muscles going Jet Li on twenty dudes. Grumpy still hasn't quite figured out that grabbing some girl's phone is...

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Justin Bieber Is Super Incredibly Not Gay (VIDEO)

It's not cool to call Justin Bieber gay. First off, being gay is not a slur. Or it is a slur. I can't remember the current protocol, but I know it's not right to yell out at somebody who's merely an asswipe you want to punch in the tiny nose. Secondly, could somebody who's gay skateboard like this while his new teen model girlfriend clapped? I think not. Still, people along the Venice boardwalk who got to stand behind...

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Floyd Mayweather Is Attached to Justin Bieber

Athletes have always been superstitious. I was willing to back Floyd Mayweather on wanting little Ricky Schroeder redux in his corner to bring the leprechaun champ mojo, but when the two started taking selfies and tweeting teen love notes to each other and sharing videos of their joint pre-fight pedicures, I found myself picking up my imaginary sat phone and ordering an airstrike on all of Las Vegas. Fuck Britney and...

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Justin Bieber Has A Whiny New Song For His Fans

While Justin Bieber has been trying so hard to prove to everyone how tough he is by dressing like the toughest mother fucker in high school at Coachella this month, his latest song is nothing but a whiny little ballad for all of his sad, horny tween fans. It's almost impossible to decipher the lyrics for "We Were Born for This," because the mix of autotune and pussy ache makes this track completely unbearable, but I'm...

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Is Selena Gomez Porking Legolas?

Selena Gomez has been seen around town with the very pretty Orlando Bloom. The two were spotted canoodling outside of the Chelsea Handler live comedy show at the L.A. Forum where half of Hollywood were ordered to attend by their shared publicists. When the photogs spotted the new couple, Bloom darted away like he was prancing after marauding orcs. It's possible that the two are having a good old fashioned revenge...

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Justin Bieber Was Held By Customs (VIDEO)

Swaggy little mouth-breather and wannabe tough guy Justin Bieber was detained by U.S. Customs on his return trip to Los Angeles from Singapore yesterday, and he was reportedly questioned for five hours before he was released. It's pretty safe to assume that the reason he was held was drugs, because the weed-smoking, syzzurp-drinking douchebag doesn't take a trip to Singapore unless drugs and whores are involved, and...

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Justin Bieber Will Not Be Deported

The White House will not be deporting the world's tiniest geniusJustin Bieber back to Canada. A petition on the White House website received the requisite 100,000 signatures to get an official response from the government. The petition said that the effeminate floppy-haired turd was a danger to the people of the United States with all of his drunk driving and singing shitty music. Since he's not an American citizen he...

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Justin Bieber Scared All The White People At Coachella (VIDEO)

While the big news of Coachella was the reunion of Outkast and one of the biggest surprises was Beyonce joining her sister, Solange Knowles, on stage during her set, nothing at that stupid, overrated music festival made me happier than seeing Justin Bieber join Chance the Rapper on stage. They've apparently collaborated on a song in the past and that makes them best friends or something, but I don't give a shit about...

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Selena Gomez Just Can't Quit Her Little Man

Proving that absolutely all rehab is a waste of time, Selena Gomez completely forsook her Bad Boys and Bad Habits rehab lessons from January and has fled back to be with her tiny Canadian Svengali. I don't know at what age girls stop running to the boy that everybody tells them is a lesbian midget horror show. Apparently Selena still has some daddy demons left to exorcise. Back in the day you could count on annoying...

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Justin Bieber Goes To Walmart

Pug-faced troll doll Justin Bieber can add wrecking a Walmart to his douchey resume. It seems that the tiny tyke was visiting his home town of Stratford, Ontario when he decided to go to the town's center of arts and culture: Walmart. Then, according to an eyewitness, Bieber totally wrecked the place. He and his thirty person entourage showed up at the discount store and bounced balls in the toy department, opened...

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Justin Bieber Was Booed At The Juno Awards (VIDEO)

Justin Bieber emerged from a crop of underwhelming nominees to win the honor of Fan's Choice at the Juno Awards last night, but it didn't really seem like the fans gave a shit about him. Probably off dealing with his legal troubles, Justin didn't even bother showing up to the Junos, where he could have possibly issued a statement to the world, like, "I'm sorry for the negative attention" or "Everyone can suck my tiny...

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Justin Bieber Thinks He's James Dean Now

Justin Bieber makes the same stupid, confused face in every picture he takes, as he looks like a cross between a guy who hasn't taken a shit in 20 years and someone who can't find his car in a supermarket parking lot. He proved that when he found an old photo of James Dean that we've all seen a million times before, and Justin wanted to take a picture just like it, because he, too, is a young rebel who plays by his...

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