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Obama To Address Justin Bieber Deportation

I can't remember all the shit Obama promised as President. Just last night he promised a ton more shit. I believe I'm supposed to get laid more often and look a hint less like a beagle. I know Obama promised more openness and access for the Average Joe who can't pay fifty grand to shake the Presidential hand at Jeffrey Katzenberg's vegan-option soirees. Obama set up that idiotic White House petition process so that...read more

Justin Bieber Wants To Open A Tattoo Parlor

After his recent run in with the Miami police, Justin Bieber is talking about quitting music and opening a tattoo parlor with his tank-topped young father, Jeremy. The little lesbian ferret has become more famous for his controversies over the past year than for his choreographed teen love ballads. Biebs is currently in Panama with his manager Scooter and buddy Usher, presumably banging hookers and eating barbecue. I...read more

Justin Bieber Takes Control of His Bitches

Building off the dressing down he gave Tubbs and Crockett for pulling the plug on his street racing, Bieber came down with full 65-lb bench press force on his entourage and the bitch he's currently let service his gift. What Bieber's inner circle thought would be an intervention down in Panama has turned into the Canadian King Joffrey drinking beers on the beach and insisting he be filmed riding his ATV for some epic...read more

Justin Bieber Flees to Panama

Not since Manuel Noriega used to throw chickens out in the pueblocitos has anybody received such uproarious Panamanian welcome as Justin Bieber. Like so many small angry criminals before him, Bieber grabbed his lawless skeez Chantel and fled from Miami to Panama in the dead of the night. Justin and Chantel were seen the next morning parasailing and hanging out with some brews on the beach. For Bieber, Central America...read more

Bieber's Leeches Want Him To Seek Therapy

Now that Justin Bieber is out of jail after having ratted on his mom for being his Xanax supplier, he's free to go back to doing whatever shithead things he wants to do until the Los Angeles Police Department gathers enough chicken fetus DNA to convict him of felony assholery on his neighbor. But some of Bieber's friends and enablers think that he should skip the partying and seek help, if not in rehab, then through...read more

Justin Bieber Rats Out His Mom, Released from Fake Jail

Justin Bieber left the Miami Courthouse one repentant androgynous boy. Don't let the leather pants and the climbing on top of his SUV and the waving to the public fool you, Justin is quite contrite. In fact, before he left the long arm of the law, he narced on his mom for being the provider of the prescription meds he takes along with his drink and his weed to make himself a better driver. He folded like a little...read more

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Judge Sentences Justin Bieber to Death!

Justin Bieber faced the judge in Miami this morning after his DUI and expired license and street racing arrest and the judge gave him... $2500 bond. It was beyond exciting. CNN landed a helicopter on the courthouse rooftop with thirty-seven television reporters to cover the Justin Bieber arrest after somebody at Time Warner noticed that not a single person had watched CNN for the past six years. Justin was represented...read more

Justin Bieber Arrested

Lesbian Hobbit Justin Bieber was arrested for a DUI and drag racing in Miami Beach earlier this morning. It seems that the tiny tyke was racing his yellowLamborghini on a residential street with his C-list rap buddies when the cops came by and inquired as to the drunk looking midget behind the wheel of the Italian sports car. The police administered a sobriety test on the little cock weasel and he failed. They're...read more

Cops Need Warrant To Search Bieber's Phone

Police investigating lipstick lesbian troll doll Justin Bieber's involvement in a fiendish egging incident may have to get another search warrant to check his phone. We told you about Justin's house getting raided by police looking for clues about his neighbor's house getting egged. The cops took his phone, (which may or may not have Canadian dong pics in it), but Bieber refused to give them his password. Cops have...read more

Justin Bieber's Relationship With Lil Za Explained In One Instagram Picture

Now that he's retired or on a break or hiding from the Los Angeles Police Department or whatever bullshit he and his people want us to believe, Justin Bieber has been traveling across North America with his crew of hanger-ons and coattail riders with the sole mission of getting their dicks wet wherever his plane lands. Earlier this week, before they hit a strip club in Miami and were toking cigars in Cuba, Bieber and...read more

Bieber Pisses in Aspen, Makes It Rain in Miami

Ah, to be rich and tiny. Justin Bieber's youthful success denied him the teen beat downs that would've normally turned the music loving midget into a bitter record industry executive or a twink prostitute with rings on his head from where customers didn't use coasters for their drinks. But, no, Bieber moved right into protected wealthy parent-free stardom and hell if you don't know the result. I think spoiled rich...read more

Justin Bieber Seems to Like The Sizzurp

When cops raided Justin Bieber's large lesbian love nest they found all kinds of drugs and drug paraphernalia. Apparently, the little shit dick has turned his house into quite the psychotropic den. We told you last week about Justin's house being searched in connection with an egging attack on a neighbor's house. Along with what I can only imagine is a lot of multipurpose lubricant, the cops found quite a bit of drug...read more

Justin Bieber Fears Cops Will Find Embarrassing Photos on His Phone

Justin Bieber is terrified of what cops will find on his cell phone, namely naked pics and references to drug use. We told you a couple of days ago about the raid at the little lesbian ferret's castle looking for evidence to connect him to an egging incident at a neighbor's house. Cops took Bieb's cell phone in order to look for pics or video of the egging incident. Apparently, the only eggs Justin is worried the cops...read more

Lil Za Arrested While Being Arrested

Justin Bieber's life partner and loyal fall guyLil Za was arrested again for vandalism while still in custody on a drug possession charge. We told you yesterday about the raid at Justin Bieber's house looking for evidence to connect him and his rent boys to an egging incident at a neighbor's house. The cops arrested a Bieber associate named Lil Za for possession of molly and other fruity drugs. While Lil Za was...read more

Justin Bieber's Friends Are Mad At The LAPD

While people across the world were dying from war, famine and disease, cable news channels were covering the most important event of the week: LAPD officers raiding Justin Bieber's house because he allegedly egged his neighbor. Obviously we eat this shit up, because fuck that stupid dickhead and his entourage of entitled shmucks, but actual news channels covering it over a school shooting in New Mexico? Get the fuck...read more