Now that he’s done showing all the lawyers and Katie Courics out there that he doesn’t have time for their questions as he looks to further detriment his career, Justin Bieber is letting the rest of the world know that Selena Gomez is his one and only. While he’s since deleted the video, Justin posted this clip of him and Selena practicing a very sensual dance routine on Instagram, and these two just seem to be made for each other. In fact, if we could place them inside their own vault and sink it to the bottom of the ocean, they could live happily ever after with each other for the rest of their lives. Of course, the vault would probably break and open up as they descended through a school of starving sharks, and that would just be unfortunate. But at least they’d still be in love.
It’s hard to imagine thinking Justin Bieber is more of a douche nugget than before, but watching this compilation of his Judd Nelson in Breakfast Club canned disaffection during a civil deposition elevates this Lollipop Guild thuglifer to an entirely new level of imp status. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that he’s high or that he’s trying to imitate how he thinks a tough guy acts when being questioned, but we need to arrange for some of those kindergarten tykes in Krav Maga to hammer strike him to the nads until he’s back across the border in Canada.
Whiny jail pisser and douchebag dad enabler Justin Bieber had to sit in a deposition in Miami yesterday for 4 ½ hours, relating not to the drag racing and alleged drunk driving incident but the time that he allegedly ordered his bodyguard to attack a photographer last June. The lawyer for the paparazzi seemed like he was trying to intentionally push Bieber’s buttons to make him act like a total shithead, as TMZ reported that it totally worked. After asking about his relationship with Selena Gomez several times and whether or not she was there when the photographer was attacked, Bieber and his lawyer stood up and walked out of the room while Canada’s Mighty Mouse shouted, “Don’t ask me about her!”
After they returned from a syzzurp session in the Bieb’s SUV, the singer acted like an even bigger hardass, arguing the difference between “Yeah” and “Yes” and by calling the opposing lawyer Katie Couric after he asked another question. The good news out of all of this is that the writers for Franklin and Bash have at least two episodes of fresh material for next season.
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The video absolutely no one was waiting to see, Justin Bieber pissing in a cup in jail, has been released onto an unsuspecting world. The video was taken during Bieb’s arrest for being a drunken douchenozzle in Miami a few months ago. People, who I guess want to desperately see his dong, clamored for the video of him taking a piss test to be released. The judge ordered the video edited and a black bar to be placed to hide the little troll’s mangina. It wouldn’t do for the world to see that he’s hung like a toddler. I don’t think he meant for the black bar to be quite so big. You would use a black bar this size to cover up a giant John Holmes sized Wookie dick not the little nubbin between Bieber’s legs. I’d assume Biebs asked his lawyers to specify that they make the bar bigger to give the impression that the ladies be clamoring for Justin for more than just his fat wallet and primo weed. A good test would be to take away his money and find out.
The judge in Justin Bieber’s Florida DUI case will allow police surveillance video of Bieber in jail to be released with one catch: his dong has to be blacked out. You’ll recall that the lesbian hobbit was arrested a while back for drag racing and driving while fucked up on anxiety meds and weed. The footage in question is of the fun times had inside the jail the night of the arrest. The objectionable part of the video occurs when Bieber has to take a piss test to assess what shit he was on. His lawyers said that to release the tapes unedited was a violation of the miniature weasel’s privacy. Florida is big into freedom of information so the tapes must be released if requested. The compromise was to edit in a black bar around his junk. While this may ignite the fury of millions of chubby pederastic moms with visions of cougar-cubbing this petite diva, I’d like to thank the makers of cloaking black bars everywhere for once again saving the rest of us from having to see unwanted man junk, even of the smallish variety.
Justin Bieber celebrated his 20th birthday with friends and family in the Bahamas, and that included his dad, Jeremy Bieber, who has always seemed like the kind of guy who would much rather be Justin’s best friend than the guy who raises him. Now, Jeremy’s former best friend, Cory Bernier, has opened up to the Daily Mail on what kind of a douchebag Jeremy really is, accusing the 39-year old of being a manipulative and enabling dick who is responsible for most of Justin’s worst behavior. But seeing as we already basically thought that was the case, the actual surprise revelation is that Justin pays his “party animal” dad as much as $50,000 a month to take care of his mansion in Canada, but dad just uses the cash to have fun with his friends because “he’s living the dream at his son’s expense.” Not to defend the guy, but isn’t that what kids are for? Making up for our own pathetic lives so we can ride their coattails and drag them to the bottom once the money stops rolling in? Good for Jeremy.
Photo Credit: Yael Bergman/WENN.com