By Matt August 22, 2014 @ 8:47 AM
Members of Justin Bieber’s posse reportedly bribed a border official to let their members with criminal records into Canada. As per Canada’s policy of being modestly boring, no cash was exchanged but the official was given a bunch of backstage passes to Bieber’s show. They claimed the passes were valued at $10,000 dollars, which I am sure is totally accurate since Bieber’s sketch ball friends were so willing to throw them away for a walk into Saskatchewan. The customs official has since been fired, because if you take bribes from ratchety twinks the written policy is to get cash only. Some more of Bieber’s even tinier minions showed up looking for the same official and tried to repeat the offense. By then Canadian Mounties on horseback had become suspect. Not because of the bribery, which is standard practice, but because the guy at the office everybody already hated for stealing sandwiches from the break room fridge was now also a documented Bieber fan. It was a good time to wash their hands as clean as Canada.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex August 13, 2014 @ 7:49 AM
Justin Bieber escaped any serious charges in his drag racing arrest from Florida last Winter by using the defense of being rich and having really important attorneys. It was a brilliant tactical maneuver. You may recall this past January Bieber’s dad, who serves as his son’s cruise director, marked off a residential street near Miami so Justin could race his Lambo against his buddy’s Ferrari. When the cops showed up, Bieber threw a major league fuck-you-coppers rant that would’ve left him with three broken ribs and the inability to see out of his left orbital socket for six months if he’d tried that in The Bronx. He also tested positive for weed and Xanax and was nailed for having an expired driver’s license.
Things looked pretty bleak for the junior lieutenant of the Lollipop Guild until everybody remembered that celebrities don’t do time. So, today they settled on careless driving, peacefully resisting arrest or some shit, an anger management course, and a $50,000 donation to a charity that helps judges in the Miami area get boats so they can go fishing with their overworked bailiffs, or prostitutes if their bailiffs are unavailable. For all that, Bieber gets to skip any jail time and ditches the DUI charge which means he can still race his foreign sports cars until such time as he kills a child and gets ordered to attend two anger management classes.
Photo credit: Splash News
By Jack August 08, 2014 @ 12:16 PM
Justin Bieber is the global equivalent of ass cancer. But he’s got decent publicists. They set up a Facetime chat with inspirational Pakistani women’s rights activist Malala Yousafzai. What does a mincing mini-troll like Bieber have to say to a girl who took a bullet just for asking to go to school? You know, stuff.
Read all about Bieber’s latest publicity fuckfest. (Dlisted)
Apparently, the new TMNT movie is…wait for it…really super fucking shitty. (io9)
Miley Cyrus posts a video of her fumbling in the dark getting high. (Drunken Stepfather)
Kourtney Kardashian compares naked preggo selfies with her mom. (Huffington Post)
Chrissy Teigen showing off her titties in Esquire? Yes. (Popoholic)
Trust me, you want to see the new UFC Latin America’s Octagon Girls. (COED)
Do you want to see a clip from the Lifetime Unauthorized ‘Saved By The Bell’ Movie? (Fox News)
(Photo Via Instagram)
By Matt July 17, 2014 @ 6:01 AM
Floyd Mayweather said he is actually friends with Justin Bieber and not just pretending to like Justin Bieber like the rest of the people who like Justin Bieber. Mayweather was offended when it was suggested otherwise, as if him and Biebs used to hustle in the same crew back in the D in the late 80′s:
“To me, that’s kind of racial profiling”
Clearly Mayweather does not understand what that term means. Being questioned about your relationship with a twink Canadian pop star does not make you the next Rubin Hurricane Carter. People don’t find your best buddies relationship strange because Bieber is white. Nobody thinks it’s weird that Tim Duncan is friends with Manu Ginobili. Denzel Washington has probably never been asked why he occasionally dines with Tom Hanks, since neither of them are known sociopaths or will be releasing a line of backpacks together in the near future.
Nobody hangs with Bieber unless he is buying. Alright maybe to pick off some barely legal Beliebers, but young white chicks don’t like getting punched. They’re not like old school entourage who could take a fist to the brow and keep mum for the authorities. Mayweather either has a low down fetish for bratty schoolchildren or is grooming Bieber for a future restaurant chain investment loan once he blows his fight money on child support and paying off the goombahs who fixed his Mosley fight. ‘Because I actually like Justin’ is not a legitimate answer to any question.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex July 07, 2014 @ 12:10 PM
The more Justin Bieber rents yachts and loads them up with strippers and booze, the more I begrudgingly have to respect the little shit weasel. If it weren’t for the trio of bloated social media assistants and handlers he has riding the stern of his ship, he’d almost be a relatively non-asshole rich young guy. What twenty year old who just beat his last two police raps wouldn’t be banging curvy Latinas on a yacht if they had a Scrooge McDuck amount of coin in the bank? He’s like a very tiny outlaw. I have to admire him in a small way. I’m sure it won’t last.
Photo Credit: Splash, AKM-GSI
By Lex June 04, 2014 @ 1:53 PM
The guy who wrote Justin Bieber’s recent apology for Justin’s racist joke that got leaked in a video forgot to mention there might be more coming. Apparently, 14 to 15 was a trying age for Justin, when he was exploring his musical roots, learning to adjust to newfound fame, and trying to set the Canadian record for dropping N-bombs on camera. In this latest ditty seen on TMZ, Justin inserts the n-word in place of girl as he parodies his own shitty song, One Less Lonely Girl and adds a verse about joining the KKK. According to completely objective explanation from Justin’s publicity team, Justin himself wanted these ugly clips released to the public because people who had them were extorting him with the threat that the racist label wouldn’t look so good appended to the end of his spoiled asshole miniature twat douchenozzle reputation. According to these same sources, Justin told Usher long ago about the existence of these video clips. When Usher found out, he took Justin into a private room to show him historically racist videos to drive home the hurtful nature of prejudice and hate speech. At least, that’s what people assumed was going on when they heard Usher yelling ‘don’t you close your eyes, bitch!’ and Justin crying from behind the locked door for thirty long minutes.