Justin Bieber Fears Cops Will Find Embarrassing Photos on His Phone

By Jack January 16, 2014 @ 1:38 PM

Justin Bieber is terrified of what cops will find on his cell phone, namely naked pics and references to drug use. We told you a couple of days ago about the raid at the little lesbian ferret’s castle looking for evidence to connect him to an egging incident at a neighbor’s house. Cops took Bieb’s cell phone in order to look for pics or video of the egging incident. Apparently, the only eggs Justin is worried the cops will find are pics of his nearly shorn huevos. Because, like all narcissistic jackasses, Justin loves to admire and photograph his ripped gender-neutral body in the mirror. Being the dumbass that he is I’m also sure there are all kinds of video and pics of him doing drugs, girls, boys, his mother before she realized he reminded her of a client she had about twenty years ago. He’s afraid that some money hungry peace officer at the sheriff’s department will sell the pics to a tabloid. I would consider that a given.

This is why smart people know when it’s put away the camera time. Like when you’re doing bumps off the bare-ass of Lil Za. That shit can and will get out eventually. Then what will all the screaming girls fans and their pederastic adoring moms say about their beloved Justin? Probably not so much. When you love a douchebag, that’s a commitment that requires very selective information processing.

Lil Za Arrested While Being Arrested

By Jack January 15, 2014 @ 12:53 PM

Justin Bieber’s life partner and loyal fall guy Lil Za was arrested again for vandalism while still in custody on a drug possession charge. We told you yesterday about the raid at Justin Bieber’s house looking for evidence to connect him and his rent boys to an egging incident at a neighbor’s house. The cops arrested a Bieber associate named Lil Za for possession of molly and other fruity drugs. While Lil Za was waiting to post bail he decided to smash up the jailhouse phone. He was then arrested again for vandalism which, like the egging incident that set everything in motion, might be a felony. It’s unclear why Lil Za smashed the phone. It’s possible he became frustrated as he tried to remember the number of the attorney Bieber assured him would get him off for agreeing to say the party drugs were his.

(Image Via Instagram)

Justin Bieber’s Friends Are Mad At The LAPD

By Travis January 15, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

While people across the world were dying from war, famine and disease, cable news channels were covering the most important event of the week: LAPD officers raiding Justin Bieber’s house because he allegedly egged his neighbor. Obviously we eat this shit up, because fuck that stupid dickhead and his entourage of entitled shmucks, but actual news channels covering it over a school shooting in New Mexico? Get the fuck out of here. Besides, why do we need news channels offering bullshit analysis on situations like this when we have people like Kylie Jenner who can Retweet the hottest opinions with authority?

Bieber’s producer Maejor Ali was furious over the raid on his friend’s home, and he let the LAPD have it. “Thousands of tax payers dollars were just WASTED by sending 12 ARMED officers with GUNS DRAWN in Justin Bieber’s home to search for Eggs,” Ali Tweeted. “Meanwhile people in Urban communities have a hard time getting ONE officer to come out for DANGEROUS crimes ..So many unsolved murders/rapes,” he added. And he’s so right, because why the fuck should we stop some shithead from allegedly causing $20,000 of damage to his neighbor’s house when there are so many other people to help?

Obviously, the easy solution is to just blame Bieber for all of the murders and rapes and call it a day.

Photo Credit: WENN.com

Bieber Could Be Charged With A Felony For Egging

By Jack January 13, 2014 @ 4:27 PM

Justin Bieber could get sent to the ass pokey for egging his neighbor’s house. We told you last week about an incident that occurred in which everyone’s favorite mop-top lesbian pelted his neighbor’s house with eggs. He was mad at the neighbor because he didn’t think that Justin being the most annoying fucking twat on the planet was cute. He didn’t respect the artist. The neighbor is saying that the egging caused 20K in damage to his house. In California any property damage caused by vandalism over $400 is considered a felony. I’m not exactly sure how a few eggs could cause that much damage to a house. Was he shooting them out of some kind of egg bazooka or did he learn to fire them from his vagina like those girls in Thailand do with ping pong balls…I’ve heard?

I know Bieber’s going to be let off with a warning or having to have one of his rapper posse sign in for him at a roadside cleanup crew for a week. He probably won’t even get deported back to Canada. But wouldn’t it be glorious if this was the crime that finally brought Bieber down? In the least, the cops could bring him in for questioning and run a baton roughshod up his sphincter while blaming him for the crappy music their daughters keep playing in their houses. I know tons of kids egg houses, but isn’t it time we made somebody the bloody ass rape example for the rest of the world to stop this insidious practice? You could tell kids going out on Halloween, now don’t end up not being able to control your bowels anymore like that poor Justin Bieber. I’d put the eggs away.

Justin Bieber Egged His Neighbor’s House

By Travis January 10, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Proving that, retired or not, he’s still a childish douchebag with no grip on reality or an ounce of humility, Justin Bieber reportedly unleashed an egg attack on his neighbor’s house last night around 7:30 for reasons unknown. Then again, Bieber’s neighbor has called the cops on him a few times after several other confrontations, so the actual reason is that this guy is tired of living next to a spoiled little shithead and Justin’s tired of living next to a prick that won’t let him act like a spoiled little shithead. According to TMZ, the neighbor claims Justin didn’t even try to hide himself, as he just stood in front of the house, chucking eggs at the door and even at the guy.

This just goes to show what an arrogant little twat Bieber is. Throwing eggs at your own neighbor? Everyone knows that the proper response to a feud like this is to hide dead animals in his AC vents. Fucking amateur hour.

Photo Credit: WENN.com

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Took a Romantic Segway Ride Together

By Travis January 03, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

What’s that old saying? Once you go guys who think they’re black, you never go back? That seems to apply to Selena Gomez this week, as she was out riding Segways with her old boyfriend and the supposedly-retired King of the Douchebags, Justin Bieber, in Calabasas yesterday. But for all we know, Justin could have really, truly cleaned up his act and promised Selena that he’d be a better boyfriend and person to her, as long as she’d be willing to give him another chance at love. And then as soon as she left his place, he’d ask his friend what he had for lunch and then Justin would burp, blow it in his face and say, “I had pussy.”

Photo Credits: WENN.com