Cops Need Warrant To Search Bieber’s Phone

By Jack January 22, 2014 @ 1:34 PM

Police investigating lipstick lesbian troll doll Justin Bieber’s involvement in a fiendish egging incident may have to get another search warrant to check his phone. We told you about Justin’s house getting raided by police looking for clues about his neighbor’s house getting egged. The cops took his phone, (which may or may not have Canadian dong pics in it), but Bieber refused to give them his password. Cops have tried every combination they can think of but nothing works. His usual passwords of BOYS69, DILDOME, TINYPEEN, and SELENABEARD weren’t it. The cops could take on Bieber’s team of five-thousand attorneys and try to get a warrant to make his cell carrier hand over the goods. It’ll cost the police a shit ton of money to get this done, but they could make it up on the back-end selling the undressed Bieber photos to TMZ and Pederasts Monthly. Personally, I think the police have more important things to do than unlocking Bieber’s phone, like accidentally shooting him in their next raid. I miss classic police justice.

Justin Bieber’s Relationship With Lil Za Explained In One Instagram Picture

By Travis January 22, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Now that he’s retired or on a break or hiding from the Los Angeles Police Department or whatever bullshit he and his people want us to believe, Justin Bieber has been traveling across North America with his crew of hanger-ons and coattail riders with the sole mission of getting their dicks wet wherever his plane lands. Earlier this week, before they hit a strip club in Miami and were toking cigars in Cuba, Bieber and his Egg-Gate fall guy, Lil Za, were in Colorado for some skiing, and the singer posted this photo of his ass in Za’s face to Instagram. Bieber’s caption read, “u ass leep?” but it might as well have said, “Pucker up, pal” because Justin’s ass would have an Air Jordan in it if he weren’t wealthy and famous.

Bieber Pisses in Aspen, Makes It Rain in Miami

By Lex January 21, 2014 @ 3:42 PM

Ah, to be rich and tiny. Justin Bieber’s youthful success denied him the teen beat downs that would’ve normally turned the music loving midget into a bitter record industry executive or a twink prostitute with rings on his head from where customers didn’t use coasters for their drinks. But, no, Bieber moved right into protected wealthy parent-free stardom and hell if you don’t know the result. I think spoiled rich gender ambiguous kids have been doing lousy shit for forever. It’s only recently that technology has allowed them to share their self-indulgent shit-eating grins with the entire world in half a second. Bieber pulled the daily double of pissing his initial in the snow in Aspen by day, then flying to Miami to make it rain with $75K in single dollar bills he ordered up at the King of Diamonds strip club party for his rapper buddy, Lil Scrappy. All of Justin’s friends seemed to be named Lil something and have in common the fact that the highlight of their professional career is getting loaded and living in Justin’s house rent free. I guess you could say having Justin as a pal wouldn’t be half bad. You’d probably get free hookers and weed. If you didn’t mind telling Justin what a badass he was every couple of hours and pretend his obvious obsession with urine wasn’t such a big deal, you could probably have a decent hanger-on existence. Someday, the merry-go-round will stop, but there’s always somebody else to glom onto while you’re waiting for Behind the Music to contact you and tell all the nasty Caligula type shit you saw.

Justin Bieber Seems to Like The Sizzurp

By Jack January 20, 2014 @ 6:12 PM

When cops raided Justin Bieber’s large lesbian love nest they found all kinds of drugs and drug paraphernalia. Apparently, the little shit dick has turned his house into quite the psychotropic den. We told you last week about Justin’s house being searched in connection with an egging attack on a neighbor’s house. Along with what I can only imagine is a lot of multipurpose lubricant, the cops found quite a bit of drug shit. Cookie jars full of weed, a dedicated smoking room full of hookahs, and lots of empty sizzurp bottles. This seems to be Bieber’s drug of choice. It seems the little ferret likes to mix the codeine laced cough syrup with pineapple Fanta. It figures that this is his favorite fucking drug.

How unmanly can you get? I remember a time when musicians and rock stars would mainline heroin into the veins in their dicks and chase it with a bottle of Jack. This asshole drinks cough syrup mixed with fruity soda to get high like a a drunk 13 year old making do with what’s around the house. Cops found dozens of cups with residue of the cough syrup and soda combo. The police, however, aren’t going to do anything about it. Their search warrant was only to look for evidence related to the egging incident and Bieber has a ton of money and attorneys. The only reason Justin’s BFF Lil Za got busted is because he had the drugs on him at the time. So, Justin can continue guzzling junkie pop. I wish Bieber would grow up and start doing real drugs. It remains our best chance to be rid of him.

Justin Bieber Fears Cops Will Find Embarrassing Photos on His Phone

By Jack January 16, 2014 @ 1:38 PM

Justin Bieber is terrified of what cops will find on his cell phone, namely naked pics and references to drug use. We told you a couple of days ago about the raid at the little lesbian ferret’s castle looking for evidence to connect him to an egging incident at a neighbor’s house. Cops took Bieb’s cell phone in order to look for pics or video of the egging incident. Apparently, the only eggs Justin is worried the cops will find are pics of his nearly shorn huevos. Because, like all narcissistic jackasses, Justin loves to admire and photograph his ripped gender-neutral body in the mirror. Being the dumbass that he is I’m also sure there are all kinds of video and pics of him doing drugs, girls, boys, his mother before she realized he reminded her of a client she had about twenty years ago. He’s afraid that some money hungry peace officer at the sheriff’s department will sell the pics to a tabloid. I would consider that a given.

This is why smart people know when it’s put away the camera time. Like when you’re doing bumps off the bare-ass of Lil Za. That shit can and will get out eventually. Then what will all the screaming girls fans and their pederastic adoring moms say about their beloved Justin? Probably not so much. When you love a douchebag, that’s a commitment that requires very selective information processing.

Lil Za Arrested While Being Arrested

By Jack January 15, 2014 @ 12:53 PM

Justin Bieber’s life partner and loyal fall guy Lil Za was arrested again for vandalism while still in custody on a drug possession charge. We told you yesterday about the raid at Justin Bieber’s house looking for evidence to connect him and his rent boys to an egging incident at a neighbor’s house. The cops arrested a Bieber associate named Lil Za for possession of molly and other fruity drugs. While Lil Za was waiting to post bail he decided to smash up the jailhouse phone. He was then arrested again for vandalism which, like the egging incident that set everything in motion, might be a felony. It’s unclear why Lil Za smashed the phone. It’s possible he became frustrated as he tried to remember the number of the attorney Bieber assured him would get him off for agreeing to say the party drugs were his.

(Image Via Instagram)