are Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez engaged?

By brendon December 08, 2011 @ 12:58 PM

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When Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez arrived in Los Cabos yesterday, she was wearing a diamond ring on her engagement finger (this), and geeky pre-teen girls everywhere immediately spazzed the fuck out.

Selenas management says it was all for nothing however, that they’re not engaged and not in Mexico to get married.

That doesn’t mean the trip would be eventful though, since you can practically buy date rape drugs in vending machines down there, and that’s the only chance Selena has to make this little queer have sex with her.

(image source of justin and selena in mexico = bauer griffin, of selens photo shoot for her new perfume = egotastic)

Selena Gomez is in a bikini, Justin Bieber not impressed

By brendon December 08, 2011 @ 1:30 AM

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Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez had a playdate in Los Cabos, Mexico, on Wednesday, with Selena hanging out in a sexy bikini, and Justin occasionally remembering that he’s supposed to be straight. She even stretched across him a few times, maybe trying to tease him, but it didn’t work because the only thing Justin Bieber wants from Selena Gomez is her lashes.

So they mostly sat there and texted. He took a few pictures of her, then they texted some more. Probably so he could send the pictures and gossip with the guy who does his hair. “C. hoop earings. R we at the country music awards?” Those two are such bitches!

(image source = bauer griffin)

Justin Bieber has to give a second DNA test

By brendon November 23, 2011 @ 5:16 PM

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Even though Justin Bieber has already given one DNA test to prove he’s not the father of her baby, Mariah Yeater is now demanding a second, but this time not done after Justin sneaks off somewhere in secret. Her attorney tells E! news

“We are trying to set up a DNA test—to test the mother and the child and to retest Justin Bieber. Because we have to make sure the chain of custody is properly supervised.”
“I wasn’t aware Justin Bieber was allegedly taking (his first DNA test) until I read about it. I don’t know if it was even his DNA. Evidence has to be properly supervised to make sure it is not corrupted.”

At first the lawyer was suspicious because the DNA reveled the subject didn’t have a Y-chromosome, just two X-chromosomes, but then someone showed him some pictures of Justin Bieber and he was like, oh ok.

(image source for the unrelated pictures of a nervous 1-day-old hippo hiding under his mom, taken yesterday at the cabarceno wildlife park in spain, because baby animal pictures are somehow less gay than how bieber looked on the today show this morning in his little christmas outfit = splash)

Justin Bieber took his DNA test

By brendon November 21, 2011 @ 3:36 PM

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Justin Bieber has finally taken a DNA test to prove that he is not the father of Mariah Yeaters baby as she claims. So now we just have to wait for the results. Though If I were Justins attorney I’d go steal her baby and trade it out with another one just in case. This girl doesn’t really seem all that hard to trick.

(image source of the androgynous looking Bieber with Selena Gomez at last nights American Music Awards = getty)

Mariah Yeater might be lying

By brendon November 17, 2011 @ 12:49 PM

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TMZ has gotten at least two major stories wrong in the past week (onetwo), but today they’re saying they have proof Mariah Yeater is lying about Justin Bieber getting her pregnant, and that seemed pretty likely anyway so they might actually be right this time.

Justin Bieber’s alleged baby mama sent a text Wednesday to a friend, begging him to erase an incriminating text in which her mom says someone OTHER than Justin Bieber is the baby daddy, and then promising to give him a cut of the action when she scores a payday.

Yeater pleads for John to “ERASE ALL MESSAGES from my mom.”
The text goes on to say that her mom sent John messages in the past, stating that baby Tristyn was fathered by Robbie — an ex-boyfriend.

She then goes on to talk about giving John money if he cooperates:  “Ill kick u when we get paid.”


Wow. She signs all her texts with her first and middle name. That was convenient. And I bet even Mariahs own attorneys would have to admit that something like this would be impossible to fake.

SUSPICIOUS UPDATE – someone emailed and said the text in the headline picture looks fake because it was sent with IOS 5, which wasn’t available until October. I don’t know how you can tell just by looking at it but I do know that most people had their old texts deleted when they upgraded to 5, so it’s odd that this guy would have a text from IOS 4. So this is all mildly suspicious, even though this chick seems completely crazy and is totally lying.

its pictures of (probably not) Justin Biebers baby

By brendon November 16, 2011 @ 4:12 PM

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There are two photo shoots today with Mariah Yeater and the baby she claims she had after Justin Bieber got her pregnant, her 4 month old son Tristyn.

I can’t tell if the baby looks like Bieber, but he has a gay name (it rhymes with “fistin”) so he does remind me of Bieber. One thing that is clear though is that, as you can see above, Mariah is a natural mother. Good job not touching the baby with your hands Mariah, babies are made of poison!

(image source = bauer griffin)