By Lex October 06, 2015 @ 9:13 AM
According to friends of Kaley Cuoco, the Big Bang Theory actress wasn’t surprised by her recent divorce from her husband Ryan Sweeting after only 21 months of the kind of marriage gay marriage activists used to point to as heterosexual marriage fail. Those were good times. According to friends of Cuoco, the divorce was a long time coming, which is an odd thing to say of a year and a half marriage. Marrying a hunky professional tennis player seemed like a good idea when Cuoco polled her moist and happy vagina, but didn’t hold well when she realized his annual earnings were in the ten grand minus thirty-seven grand in travel expenses range
She realized she wants to be with a guy who has a job and is motivated. All of Ryan’s friends knew it was going to end bad
Sweeting was perfectly content to live off of his wife’s million dollars an episode sitcom cash. And why not? He did that hard work being born good looking and having great legs in tennis shorts. He used his charms to win himself a very successful actress and now he wants to do some light workouts and have lunch with his BFFs. Women wanted equality. Welcome to it. That Roman numeral wedding date tattoo removal is going to be a bitch.
Photo credit: Getty Images
By Lex December 30, 2014 @ 10:55 AM
Kaley Cuoco is outraged that people think she got a nose job after she posted tons of photos of herself bandaged up after having surgery on her nose. I hate when that happens. All you want is for the public to share in the personal details of your sinus surgery. That shouldn’t be too much to ask. You should never be compelled to quote Taylor Swift:
For those haters out there who are gonna hate hate hate no matter what, let me inform you that I have not been able to breath through my nose like a normal human being in years. This surgery is changing my life. With that being said, if I DID get a nose job, (which I didn’t) I would be shouting that from the rooftops as well.
Like she did when she got her tits done and said it was the best decision she ever made. Cuoco’s got a point. She doesn’t hide much. Her unwavering love for her 985th ranked in the world tennis playing husband, her desire to look like Ellen, perma-boogers preventing her from giving a decent blow job. Kaley Cuoco seems like an honest person. Just to be sure, let’s see those tit scars up close so we can compare them to your nose.
Photo credit: Instagram
By Lex December 11, 2014 @ 2:12 PM
At some point before you chop off your flowing locks you should ask yourself, how badly do I want to be mistaken for Ellen? This could save a whole lot of heartache. Kaley Cuoco is one of those girls who has benefitted from the blond bombshell reputation by way of a big head of platinum hair and some ample knockers. She’s not necessarily your model looking type, which nobody bothers to notice until you pull that Ellen switch. It’s the very same with dudes who shave their heads. You might get Tyrese and tons of pussy, but more likely you come out Lord Varys with a restraining order on your movements around parks and schools. As a general rule, if you’re doing okay with your current look, don’t change it. Change is the enemy of whatever shit you’ve already figured out how to overcome in the past.
Photo Credit: Instagram/INF
By Lex October 31, 2014 @ 11:10 AM
Kaley Cucoco received her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame after her PayPal for $49.95 cleared and she agreed to make herself look as old and unattractive as possible for a 28-year old with nice tits. The notion that the star in the cement in front of a head shop is synonymous with a profound entertainment career has long since passed. They’re giving them out to boy bands and as settlements for girls who survived molestations while working as Student #7 in Disney afternoon fare. I’m forever intrigued by the way people accept honors they can’t possibly feel like they deserve. Would Kaley Cuoco accept an award for Inspiring African American Actress? A Purple Heart from the Handsomest President ever? I know she’s been in Barbie commercials since her parents sold her to the circus at five, but in her twenties with one TV show under her belt, she has to feel a little awkward accepting a league of legends type award. Some of us have to pee on that street late at night. I wish they’d show it more respect.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI/FameFlynet
By Travis April 29, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
Here’s a fun optical illusion to start your day off right. Are Kaley Cuoco’s breasts crammed into a fun, artsy bathing suit as her husband and tennis pro, Ryan Sweeting, is getting cozy with her by the water somewhere? Or is that really his arm that’s wrapped around her bare breasts, as implied by her snappy comment that the “tattoo swimsuit” was “made by” Ryan? I really can’t tell, because it’s such a tricky photo, so I was hoping for those of us who are too stupid to know the difference that Kaley might start over and show us how they did this. I know, magicians don’t reveal their tricks and all, but most magicians don’t have an attractive woman’s breasts. Let’s just break this rule one time, please.
Photo Credit: Kaley Cuoco’s Instagram
By Lex April 09, 2014 @ 3:32 PM
Now that Kaley Cuoco has liberated her tits with her heartfelt revelation that they’re not only fake, but they’re the best thing she ever bought herself, she can be free to do all sorts of shit without fear of public judgement. I imagine an immense weight has been lifted off her shoulders, and chest, and probably her vagina, because that is where female emotions are stored during the winter months. So many of these others fake boobed girls have to walk around with a dark secret, like a girl on a Lifetime movie having a baby in her closet, wondering if they’re new tank top is going to give them away. Not Kaley. She can post pictures of two balloons inside her top with LOLs and take bikini pictures on top of floating ducks and it’s all good. Come to Jesus, other girls with fake cans. Set yourself free.
Photo Credit: Kaley Cuoco/Instagram