By Travis February 27, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
What is it about the airport that makes minor celebrities look like they want to blow their brains out so much? Obviously, flying sucks and being around so many random losers is a pain in the ass, but people like Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting, no matter how average or mediocre they are in their careers, shouldn’t have to look this pissed off when they’re being pushed through the security lines ahead of us losers and given the ultimate VIP path to their planes and the exits so they don’t even have to make eye contact with their so-called fans. At least pretend like you’re happy to be better than other people by flashing a little smile or maybe a nipple. Having an advantage doesn’t mean you need to look like a pissed off hipster Frankenstein.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Lex January 17, 2014 @ 2:11 PM
You know whose name you don’t tattoo prominently on your body? The person you just fell in love with or just married or just met their cute puppy and decided you want to make babies with them and open up a free-trade coffee house in Butte, Montana. In fact, you shouldn’t really even be allowed to get a real tattoo until you’re 30, with no inked names until you’re 40. It would save so much fucking skin-ache. But, there’s no stopping the true romantics. Ryan Sweeting just married Kaley Cuoco and figured what the heck, only 89% of celebrity marriages end in divorce, let’s tat this shit permanent with her name sprawled across my forearm. And how about maybe toss in a giant roman numeral of the date of our wedding just to kick it up a couple fairytale notches. Oh, my god, she’s going to love this. If things go south, I can always wear long sleeves for the rest of my life so people don’t mock the living shit out of me.
Kaley reciprocated her new husband’s boldly romantic move by getting drunk at a party and grabbing her own tits for the camera. I’m going to peg Kaley as the one who comes out less broken on the back end of this relationship.
By Lex January 03, 2014 @ 3:06 PM
Nobody hates a good wedding as much as I do. I want to whisk every groom up there away on a Ghost of Marriage Future tour to snap them out of the belief that all that naughty and free-spirited engagement naughty is going to continue past the wedding cake. Just like everybody gives that crappy graduation speech about how graduation is just a beginning, so too should every minister be forced to directly address the groom and tell him that marriage really is an ending. A total black darkness cessation of your very will to live. I’m sour. Sure. I probably could’ve used a turn at Kaley Cuoco’s New Year’s Eve wedding to the 667th ranked tennis player in the world. You know this was true love by the mere fact that Kaley was in true love with the dude who played Superman just six months ago. According to Ali Fedotowsky, who once won The Bachelor reality show earning her a fake engagement, so she knows from love, there was not a dry eye in the estate at Kaley’s wedding:
There was so much love during the ceremony. I was in tears, my boyfriend was in tears, just hearing them profess their love for each other—they’re the real deal.”
Wow, that certainly does sound powerful. Also, your boyfriend sounds pretty gay. I’d think about going back to the fake relationship with The Bachelor, at least he didn’t need a hanky at weddings.
Photo Credit: PCN, Esquire
By Lex July 04, 2013 @ 1:09 PM
Yesterday, we learned Kaley Cuoco was riding the Man of Steel. Today, a horse. Which in no way should remind anyone of the tragedy that ensued when the last Superman rode a horse. If it does, just watch Kaley’s tits bounce up and down for a bit, it’ll pass.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex July 02, 2013 @ 6:34 PM
According to several excitably romantic sounding gossip blogs, Superman ‘mega-hunk’ Henry Cavill is now sticking it to Kaley Cuoco. I guess you’d have to call that a win for Kaley. Even though she’s a great looking woman for whom I’d mule drugs into Singapore if she promised me sex of any kind, I’m guessing that Superman can pretty much get any woman in Hollywood that he wants. That’s a power only really known to womankind heretofore, but the Man of Steel has it now too. X-ray vision, flying, and immortality pretty much take a distant second place to the power to get any pussy you want. Think on that one hard and what you’d go for if the genie gave you just one wish.
Photo Credit: Getty, WENN
By Lex May 31, 2013 @ 1:23 PM
There’s something to be said for being the girl on TV every girl wants to be and every guy wants to bang. I actually have no idea if girls feel that way about Kaley Cuoco. I’m fairly certain I’ve got the guy side nailed down.
Here’s Kaley in FHM magazine. Just look at Kaley’s mocking laughter as she realizes just how badly you want to have sex with her.
Photo Credit: FHM