By Jack October 30, 2013 @ 2:28 PM
Kanye West is having another bout of saying shit that makes sense in his world. This time he’s claiming that the Blessed He and Kim are more influential than President Obama and his wife Michelle. It all went down when the megalomaniacal semi-decent rapper sat down with fancy lad Ryan Seacrest for an interview. According to Kanye, he and Kim are pushing down the barriers of racism and classicism through fashion. That doesn’t even make any sense, but I assume he’ll think he’s being persecuted for saying it.. More importantly Kanye believes Kim is more of a trailblazer than Michelle Obama because,
“Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day.”
He must mean the slutty swimsuit pic Kim took to show off her post-pregnancy tits and ass. He might be right. Michelle’s got a half-decent booty, but it’s not necessarily primed to make her a multimillionaire by letting dudes futz with it. On the other hand, Michelle does have those Ivy League degrees and can count to twenty-two without having to be naked. It’s not a dick full of Ray J on camera, but it’s got to count for something.
By Lex October 28, 2013 @ 1:20 PM
Kanye West went full Jesus onstage at Staples Center during the L.A stop of his tour. I admire the fact that he sidestepped the subtle references to martyrdom and just portray himself as the Christ incarnate. It’s a nice mesh of narcissism and heresy. At one point in the show he blasted out an auto-tuned version of Heartless while he tried to raise his mom from the dead. I’m told the song went okay.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Jack October 23, 2013 @ 12:21 PM
According to sources near Kanye West he does not want to get a prenup before marrying Kim Kardashian. It seems that in the delirium of love that he feels for that big assed schemer, he’s choosing to ignore the wise prenup advice in his own song, Gold Digger.
“Kanye’s in love with Kim to the point of infatuation. It’s scary because the love is so powerful, Kanye doesn’t even want to have a prenup. He thinks it’s tacky and he doesn’t want to offend Kim or make anything seem awkward. He loves Kim too much for that to even cross his mind. He thinks of his money and his accomplishments and hers and he wants to share them with her — no strings attached.”
If this is true, Kanye is stupider than I thought. He is worth at least two and a half times what she is. Kim is only 33 years old and has already been divorced twice, the last time after a quickie sham wedding and a brutally ugly legal proceeding that followed. Does Kanye think he’s going to make her an honest woman? Good luck with that. He’s got a baby already which ties him in financial for life, why throw in a community property marriage? There is an old Cuban saying that my grandmother would kick out every now and then, “Why buy the whole hog when all you want is a little sausage?” Kanye is about to buy the whole hog.
(Photo Via Daily Mail)
By Travis October 22, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Kim Kardashian celebrated her 33rd birthday yesterday just like any of us would, as she attended a party thrown in her honor at AT&T Park in San Francisco, which had been completely rented out by her boyfriend Kanye West for the evening. Kanye actually started the night off by honoring 12 Years a Slave director Steve McQueen at the Hollywood Film Awards, but he made it back in time to not only celebrate Kim’s birthday, but finally propose to her in front of her whole family. This is bad news, of course, for anyone who wagered money on this relationship being a sham, created solely for the purpose of giving Kim a child to exploit and Kanye enough attention for his recent album and upcoming tour.
But if your money is on a hilariously ugly divorce that costs them and the state of California millions and ruins a young child’s life, I’d say you’re in the driver’s seat right now.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex October 21, 2013 @ 3:48 PM
If you had Kanye and Seattle for who and where the Christian Messiah would make his reappearance, you win a copy of the Yeezus album and a blow job from Kim Kardashian, or two copies of the album if you prefer. Kanye’s been getting ever heavier into his Jesus complex, taking it to the next level with an appearance from the Lamb of God onstage. It’s not exactly clear what the two talked about, but presumably Jesus thanked Kanye for saving the world in his absence, and Kanye thanked Jesus for helping him become rich and famous and getting crazy pussy despite being only a moderately talented fellow really into booties.
By Jack October 17, 2013 @ 1:41 PM
Kim Kardashian won’t be getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame anytime in the near future. That’s because the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, who decides who gets a star, says that her big ass isn’t eligible for immortality. Why? Because she’s a fucking reality star, that’s why! They don’t deserve to be on the same sidewalk with Marlon Brando or Meryl Streep, or, you know, Ryan Seacrest, who at least has an Emmy or something for acting straight. Hollywood Chamber of Commerce spokesman Ana Martinez explained why Kim isn’t getting a star by stating that,
“”We don’t have reality stars on the Walk of Fame. We’re happy to consider reality stars once they get nominated for, or win, an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar. We’ll consider them when they’re legitimate actors or singers.”
Yeah, let’s wait on that. Kanye, of course, thinks this is unfair and told Jimmy Kimmel he thinks Kim shouldn’t be excluded because she’s only famous for being on a shitty reality show or getting pissed on in a sex tape. The other issue is that someone has to nominate her in order to receive the accolade. No one has ever done that for Kim, as Ana Martinez said,
“I hate to say it, but a lot of people just don’t like like her. No one has ever nominated her.”
I’m guessing she didn’t really hate to say that or she wouldn’t have added that part about a lot of people not liking Kim. Lassie and Donald Duck both have stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and they are a fucking dog and a cartoon duck. But, then again, they are better actors and are more real than Kim Kardashian.