If you had Kanye and Seattle for who and where the Christian Messiah would make his reappearance, you win a copy of the Yeezus album and a blow job from Kim Kardashian, or two copies of the album if you prefer. Kanye’s been getting ever heavier into his Jesus complex, taking it to the next level with an appearance from the Lamb of God onstage. It’s not exactly clear what the two talked about, but presumably Jesus thanked Kanye for saving the world in his absence, and Kanye thanked Jesus for helping him become rich and famous and getting crazy pussy despite being only a moderately talented fellow really into booties.
Kim Kardashian won’t be getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame anytime in the near future. That’s because the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, who decides who gets a star, says that her big ass isn’t eligible for immortality. Why? Because she’s a fucking reality star, that’s why! They don’t deserve to be on the same sidewalk with Marlon Brando or Meryl Streep, or, you know, Ryan Seacrest, who at least has an Emmy or something for acting straight. Hollywood Chamber of Commerce spokesman Ana Martinez explained why Kim isn’t getting a star by stating that,
“”We don’t have reality stars on the Walk of Fame. We’re happy to consider reality stars once they get nominated for, or win, an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar. We’ll consider them when they’re legitimate actors or singers.”
Yeah, let’s wait on that. Kanye, of course, thinks this is unfair and told Jimmy Kimmel he thinks Kim shouldn’t be excluded because she’s only famous for being on a shitty reality show or getting pissed on in a sex tape. The other issue is that someone has to nominate her in order to receive the accolade. No one has ever done that for Kim, as Ana Martinez said,
“I hate to say it, but a lot of people just don’t like like her. No one has ever nominated her.”
I’m guessing she didn’t really hate to say that or she wouldn’t have added that part about a lot of people not liking Kim. Lassie and Donald Duck both have stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and they are a fucking dog and a cartoon duck. But, then again, they are better actors and are more real than Kim Kardashian.
After their little Twitter feud last week, Jimmy Kimmel welcomed Kanye West on his show last night so they could clear the air about the rapper’s grievances with the talk show host’s decision to parody his recent interview with BBC One. For the most part, the interview went pretty well, but it basically came down to Kimmel apologizing for a harmless joke and then Kanye busting out several rants about the lack of privacy for celebrities, all in the name of them proving that this wasn’t a publicity stunt. All I know is that if this happened 20 years ago, Tupac would have shot Kimmel’s stammering ass. Get your shit together, Kanye.
An LA Judge has ordered megalomaniacal rapper Kanye West to not come within ten feet of paparazzo Daniel Ramos. You’ll recall that Kanye got into a kerfuffle with Ramos in July after he dared to look Kanye in the eye or said hello to him or something inciting like that. Kanye flipped out and put Ramos in a headlock. The judge said that Ramos and Kanye have to stay away from each other and that Kanye doesn’t have to pay any fines or attend anger management classes because Ramos is such a sniveling dick that the law doesn’t really apply to him. You got to love that tons of dough were spent in court costs to basically send these two pricks to separate corners.
Ramos still has a civil case against West for violating his first amendment rights which means that Kanye will have to pay him some envelope full of cash to shut the fuck up and go away. It’s the celebrity ecosystem. Never fair, but simple in its design.
Mother of the year Kris Jenner says that Kanye West is a great baby daddy to her sex star daughter. In an interview on the gaynoxious Hello Ross show, Jenner described what a loving and wonderful person Kanye is. I’m not sure if she knows a different Kanye because the guy she’s talking about doesn’t sound like the egomaniacal butthole we all know and despise. Jenner says,
“I love him so much and he’s such an amazing boyfriend to Kim and a great dad and a wonderful person.”
Really? Reaaalllllyy? I sort of don’t believe any of that. Though I kind of believe that Kris Jenner believes it. Especially if she’s talking about his earning potential, which I always assume she is when talking about anybody, including her own children. At some point, Kanye will find Kris slithering into his bed late at night. I hope he handles it better than Lamar. Don’t plead, that only excites her.
Rapper Kanye West showed up to the Givenchy runway show at the Paris Fashion Week yesterday with his girlfriend and amateur porn star, Kim Kardashian, and a lot of people are saying that she looks great for having recently given birth to their daughter, North West. And those people are obviously just staring at her tits and nodding at whatever Kim’s PR people are trying to have published. What’s that, Kris Jenner? Kim is a size 2 despite looking like she’s still housing a Range Rover in her uterus? Sure, whatever, now back to those gigantic breasts.
(Photo Credits: Getty)