By Travis July 30, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Co-host of The Talk, judge for the U.K.’s X Factor and all-around honest, old bitch Sharon Osbourne recently did an interview with The Daily Beast, and in between ripping Anthony Weiner and praising Mariah Carey, Ozzy’s wife took a few moments to spit hot fire at Kanye West and Justin Bieber for basically being massive douchebags.
Of Kanye, she said, “… he’s an average-looking man with an average talent, but he’s a great salesman” and stated the more-than-obvious that he’s his own No. 1 fan. As for Justin, she claims that she feels bad for him as he tries so hard to be a tough bad boy, calling him “mean as a fuckin’ kitten” while reminding everyone that very few teen stars make the transition to adult very well.
Of course, Sharon wasn’t asked for her opinion of herself, because if she ever answers that question, she’d have to return to hell to once again serve as one of Satan’s hemorrhoids.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
By Jack July 29, 2013 @ 11:33 AM
We’ve all had fun laughing at Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for naming their bastard daughter North West. But it’s not like the Kardashian family is new to naming their kids something stupid. Every member of that brood has a name that begins with the letter K. So, why didn’t they name this future reality show exploited child with a K name? Because Kim was afraid of people mistaking their brood for the KKK. As in, the Ku Klux Klan. In an upcoming episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians, scholarly Kim explains to her shiftless brother Brody that “Our kid, if it’s a K, then they’ll call us the KKK.” Kim Kanye and Baby K.
I’d like to build a logic tree depicting Kim and Kanye’s thinking through on this one. They couldn’t just avoid the ‘K’ name because it’s a stupid ass tradition designed in Hades by the puppet master Kris Jenner? It had to be because of some illogical and completely unsubstantiated fear of being a family of color who people might believe are sending secret Klan signals? And your backup plan is to give the kid a stupid fucking directional name that actually will haunt them forever? Abort.
By Lex July 25, 2013 @ 1:01 PM
Kanye West will not be charged by the D.A. for going Big John Studd on a a paparazzi outside LAX last week. Everybody got together and agreed that they hate annoying paparazzi even more than they hate Kanye. Also, Kanye did warn everybody to never talk near him or anybody he knows. All that’s left to do is for Kanye to write a fat check then keep on being the best baby daddy he can be.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Jack July 19, 2013 @ 11:52 AM
An audio recording has surfaced that supposedly has Kanye West ranting after the 2009 VMA awards. It may not be him…but it sure sounds like the kind of crazy shit he would say. You’ll recall that that was the fateful night when he ran up on stage during Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech and said that Beyoncé’s video for Single Ladies deserved to win. That’s also the moment when America, nay the world, first began to realize what a total megalomaniacal douchenozzle Kanye West is. He doesn’t just talk shit about Taylor Swift though. He badmouths Pink and Eminem and just about anyone who isn’t him. The best part about the audio clip is how little sense his reasoning makes. For example, when asked why he thought Taylor Swift shouldn’t have won he said:
When I heard Eminem’s verse on the Drake shit, I went back and rewrote my shit for two days. I canceled appointments to rewrite! I fuckin’ care! You know what I’m saying? And that’s what I’m saying. Because I did that, Taylor Swift cannot win over Beyoncé! Because I wrote my verse in two days, Taylor Swift cannot beat Beyoncé. As long as I’m alive! And if I’m alive, kill me then! Kill me then! As long as I’m alive, you gon’ have to deal with it. ‘Cause there ain’t gonna be no more motherfucking Elvises with no James Browns.
OK…what the fuck does that even mean? It’s nonsense. In what bizarre idiotic parallel universe does him rewriting a song have anything to do with why Taylor Swift cannot possibly have beaten Beyoncé? Listening to this video first thing this morning made me feel like I was having a stroke. A voice in the audio then asks him why he is so angry. He replies:
Because my mother got arrested for the fuckin’ sit-ins. My mother died for this fame shit! I moved to fuckin’ Hollywood chasing this shit. My mother died because of this shit. Fuck MTV.
Umm…what? Your mother died because she had botched plastic surgery, chief. She is not a martyr to your celebrity. It’s also not like she sacrificed her life shooting Beyoncé’s video and her last wish is that she beat Taylor Swift at a crappy awards show. The fact that anybody thinks MTV has it out for black rap artists just makes him insane. The former music video network is singlehandedly responsible for millions of white suburban kids wearing their pants low and showing up to class in corn rows. How does Kanye think he made the millions that got him the right to make a bastard baby in Kim Kardashian? That’s right. MTV.
By Travis July 19, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Talk show host and Satan’s booking agent Kris Jenner stopped by The Talk yesterday, because there’s nothing more exciting for the people who watch daytime talk shows than talk show hosts interviewing other talk show hosts. It’s the ultimate full circle for women who’d bleach their assholes on live TV if it meant getting a ratings spike.
Anyway, one of The Talk’s soulless harpies asked Kris about Kanye West’s recent blowup on a TMZ photographer, and because North West’s grandmother is so desperate to make Kanye like her, she basically said that he’s allowed to be violent because he might have been sleepy. If she really wants Kanye to love her, though, Kris would have just shouted, “Because he’s the best mother fucking rapper of all-time!” before ripping the Asian lady’s hair out.
By Lex July 12, 2013 @ 5:30 PM
Don’t fucking talk to Kanye West. Don’t talk to anyone he knows. Just shut the fuck up or he will fuck you up. That’s the basic message. Also, he’s feeling fat and nobody loves him. How’s fatherhood treating you, Kanye?