Joan Rivers Brow Shames North West

By Jack January 21, 2014 @ 2:53 PM

Hollywood crypt keeper Joan Rivers aimed her millennia old venom at Kim and Kanye’s demon spawn North West. It all went down on an episode of Rivers’ horrifically terrible Fashion Police show. The subject of the Kardashian/West womb weasel came up and the ever controversial Rivers commented on North’s unibrow. She said,

“That baby is ugly … I’ve never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of a waxing”

Normally I would agree that it is fucked up to make fun of an infant. But that demon spawn  looks like fucking Bert from Sesame Street. Not that Kim should wax that shit. She’s a little child and they just have to deal with the fact that she looks like one of those baby Ewoks from Return of the Jedi. When Kim was previously accused of waxing North’s eyebrows Kim tweeted back,

“Do people really think I would wax my daughters eyebrows so young? Come on, I’d wait until she’s at least 2 1/2!”

Haha, Kim’s paid social media writer made a funny. But seriously, laser a break in that brow, you shape-shifting succubus..

Kanye Wants Kim On The Cover Of Vogue

By Jack January 14, 2014 @ 6:21 PM

Kanye West is being a huge pain in the ass to Anna Wintour to get his slutty wife on the cover of Vogue. Kanye was reportedly spotted chewing Wintour’s ear off in Beverly Hills to plead Kim’s case. Anna Wintour is the notorious white witch editor of Vogue and she controls who gets the cover. It’s seen as the pinnacle of glamour for the ladies. Which is exactly why Wintour doesn’t want a big-booty whore that’s only famous for getting pissed on and laying famous black celebrities to be on the cover. Wintour doesn’t like Kim and thinks she lacks class. But that isn’t stopping Kanye from pimping his lady to her.

I don’t see why he’s so fixated on this. Print media is pretty much dead. Magazines only exist to give older people something to read at the dentist’s office. Everybody else is on the phone or iPad. Men don’t even buy nudie magazines anymore to whack off. Who gives a shit if she isn’t on the cover? Is she not getting enough attention as it is? If he just waits, Vogue will eventually be desperate enough to give in so that the four million strong retard Kardashian fan base army might pluck up their magazine and stop the sales bleed. When it’s time for lowest common denominator marketing, that’s when you call Kim.

Kanye Might’ve Assaulted a Teenager Who Said Racist Things to Kim

By Lex January 13, 2014 @ 6:23 PM

You know you’re not supposed to even talk to Kanye. Kanye’s sphere of privacy continues on well past his Jesus-mandated zone of hearing distance and extends to his baby mama, wherever she may be. She’s like an embassy. No matter where she is, she’s Kanye soil. So when some teen in a Beverly Hills medical building calls Kim a stupid slut and a n***er lover, you know Yeezus Hulk is coming to do some smashing. Kanye found the rather impolite young man inside a chiropractor’s office and went dukes up while Kim screamed out, ‘we have it all on tape’. I’m not even sure what they have on tape. Maybe she meant Kanye banging her in the Bentley while Bruce Jenner rolled tape and dreamed of being the woman. Maybe they do have this idiot on camera mouthing his racial slurs. Unfortunately, Kanye and his bank account will soon find out that even heinous hecklers have the legal right not to be hunted down and beat up just for being verbal assholes. Also, that bit about ‘stupid slut’ might be defensible under the truth can’t be libel axiom.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Go Skiing

By Lex December 31, 2013 @ 3:14 PM

Kim Kardashian Kanye West And Kourtney Kardashian Go Skiing In Deer Valley Park Utah
It’s time for the trees to give a little something back.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kanye West Takes A Vow Of Silence

By Jack December 27, 2013 @ 3:13 PM

Kanye West has decided to take a 6 month break from saying stupid shit. Naturally, he announced that he is going to abstain from ranting like a moron in an epic 30 minute rant. Kanye has become more famous in the last few years for all of the idiotic shit he says than he is for his music. Honestly, I listened to that shitty Yeezus album only once but I’ve heard him talk about how he is the messiah or some other such bullshit all year long.

“This might be the last time y’all hear me talk shit for a long time. Might be another like six months. At least. You’re just gonna have to run back the interviews and shit if you wanna hear some realness! So I’m letting you all know that this is the last Yeezus show, and this is the last time you’ll ever hear me say negative about anyone.”

I’m going to call bullshit on this resolution before it even begins. There is no fucking way that this assclown will keep his mouth shut. Kris Jenner can’t decide to give up being disingenuous and Khloe can’t give up weight-restricting undergarments. Tigers can’t choose to give up their stripes just because it’s New Years. Kanye loves the sound of his own ranting voice more than any man I’ve ever known. His feelings aren’t real until he shares them in some unintelligible manner with his sycophants. It’s great to say you’re going to give up talking shit for six months, it’s another thing to say you’re going to quit your entire reason for being. Can’t be done.

Okay, Who Leaked the Kardashian Christmas Party Photos?

By Lex December 27, 2013 @ 2:53 PM

Kylie Jenner Posts Naughty Photo From The Kardashian Christmas Party To Instagram
With the Kardashians, it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s faked for the cameras. I go with the rule that not a goddamn thing anybody in that family has done has been real since Robert hid the knife for Khloe’s bio dad. Nevertheless, they keep pumping out social media content like it’s non-fiction, including their family Christmas party with the theme of ‘naughty’. It’d be easy to suggest that the only time the Kardashians are the least bit real is when they’re being all slutty, but they can’t even do that honestly. Kris fucked up their chances to be decent self-hating tramps, in favor of self-aware moneymaking business girls. They’re about as sexually vibrant as the sore-ridden abuela in Tijuana giving sailors hummers while stirring the bean pot for her family’s dinner. Still, these photos make good recruitment tools for Al Qaeda. Death to the West.

Photo Credit: Instagram