If you had Kaidence in the Kim Kardashian and Kanye West baby naming pool, you may just have won a $500 gift card. I’d use it quick before the child grows up to bring a hellish apocalypse upon the human race. Maybe you have a few weeks until she learns to breathe fire and teleport herself.
Kerry Rhodes, the infamously rumored gay NFL star, outed by his own boyfriend in a video on this very site, now is telling his buddies via text that he might be the Kim’s baby daddy as he was nailing the Kardashian nine months ago around the same dates that Kanye was.
Man this could be my baby!! I was fu**ing her the same time as K.West was lol!!!
While any sane person is willing to believe that Kim could have been banging multiple men on any given day of her life since sixteen or so, and pro athletes do fall right into her wheelhouse, meh, coming from a guy desperate to hide his gay, this seems like a real shot in the dark. That ‘lol’ at the end is perhaps the best closing argument on his big gay verdict. Not that it matters. Unless you’re claiming your boned a baby into the world’s most famous new mother.
Over the weekend, some grainy, incomprehensible footage of Scott Disick playing Patrick Bateman in American Psycho for one of Kanye West’s promotional videos for “Yeezus” hit the web, but nobody could really appreciate the cheesy porn parody value of it until a cleaner version became available. Fortunately, West uploaded the video to his website, and now you can watch two guys who became famous for their associations with the Kardashians play make believe.
The other guy in the video is Kim Kardashian’s best friend, Jonathan Cheban, in case you wanted to know that before you close your eyes and imagine that this is real and somewhere Disick is being locked away in the worst prison in the world. Let your imaginations run wild, America.
Leyla Ghobadi, self-described model and tour whore from Quebec, has now modified her shocking tale of being on the vagina end of Kanye cheating on Kim. Leyla is now sort of kind of remembering that maybe her juice sloshing episodes with Yeezus actually took place before Kanye planted his flag in Kim’s fat-injected dumper.
“I was introduced to him at the Montreal concert. We met backstage as I knew members of his band. We ended up having sex at the Thompson Hotel,” she told the The Sun in a recent interview, contradicting her prior claim that the affair began last summer in Atlantic City when West picked her out of a crowd at his concert where Kardashian happened to be sitting in the VIP section at the same show.
Kanye really is a good man after all. If I had a daughter who was slightly brain damaged and slutty, I’d hope she ended up being banged over a pool table at a concert after party with a guy like Kanye.
I can tell you now that a well-placed source within the Kardashian camp, let’s call her, Whore X, clued me into the fact that this baby wasn’t coming in mid-July. That was a shady ruse designed to deke the press, at least the ones who didn’t pay seven figures exclusive coverage deals. Since nobody listened to Father Brennan once again, the devil baby is upon us. What shall be our end times? Brimstone? Locusts? A Keeping Up With the Kardashian Bastard Babies spinoff? The only person truly happy with the birth news was Kanye, and that’s because he was getting his knob polished by a girl with low self esteem backstage at his concert as Kim was kegeling out little Damiena.
Obnoxious egomaniac and Kardashian-breeder, Kanye West, believes that in the future people will think of him the way they do about Steve Jobs. Yeah, that Steve Jobs. It all started when a simple interview with the New York Times turned into a three day rant where Kanye discussed how awesome he is. That’s not really a surprise. It was when he began comparing himself to Jobs that things got really weird:
“I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period. By a long jump. I honestly feel that because Steve has passed, you know, it’s like when Biggie passed and Jay-Z was allowed to become Jay-Z.”
First of all, don’t talk about yourself in the third person, you dick cheese. Only royalty and Bob Dole and people with multiple personalities can do that. Secondly, what does “Steve of Internet” even mean, besides that your grasp of proper grammar is limited? How exactly are you a pioneer of the Internet? Being the subject of so many, “Ain’t Kanye a tool?” posts like this one doesn’t count. How can one be the “Steve of downtown” if you live up in the Hollywood Hills with your entourage and the girls you bang when Kim gets whiny and won’t put out? As for Jobs’ slow painful death, it’s like God only gave Jobs pancreatic cancer so that Kanye could launch a new line of jeans.