Back in December of 2010, there was a rumor that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian had been secretly dating and that he had even gotten her pregnant, though it was said that Kim wanted a relationship but Kanye didn’t. Nothing ever came of it (perhaps because December 2010 is also when Kim met Kris Humphries for the first time and they were engaged 5 months later), but Kanye released a song yesterday called “Theraflu” and the lyrics definitely give you the impression that he was at least fucking her. On account of her being a slut and everything.
“And I’ll admit, I had fell in love with Kim.
Around the time she had fell in love with him.
Well that’s cool, baby girl, do your thing.
Lucky I ain’t had Jay drop him from the team. (*)”
And just to make sure they got all the attention they so desperately crave, Kim and Kanye went to a movie last night and to FAO Schwarz today. And I can’t help but notice that the paparazzi agencies all have pictures of them inside the toy store, even though It’s illegal for paparazzi to go on private property. Which means they had a personal photographer and then sold the pictures themselves.
These two really are made for each other. Not only is he black and rich but he has a dumb name that starts with K too. She’s everything she could ever hope for.
(*) “Jay” of course is Jay-Z, part owner of the New Jersey Nets, the team Humphries pays for. image source = pacific coast
Kanye West announced on Wednesday that he’s in discussions to become the creative director of a movie based on ‘the Jetsons’. Now, granted, there’s no such thing as “creative director of a movie”, and there is no movie being made about ‘the Jetsons’, but he has told Warner Brothers that he’s ready to take charge as soon as those things exist.
The producer who owns the film rights told Vulture…
“The last two years I had various forms of communication from the studio that (Kanye) had this real love and interest in The Jetsons as an artist. My response was always, ‘Well, that’s great. We’ll let him know when we have a screenplay.’ I was thinking he was interested in it on a musical level, but apparently he’s deeply interested in art and architecture and wanted to be involved.”
If Kanyes idea of art and architecture is a cartoon about the future from 1962, it’s safe to assume he’s an idiot. His idea of archeology must be ‘the Flintstones’. Seeing a cavewoman use a baby mammoth for a vacuum cleaner must have blown his fucking mind.
Apparently my grandmother isn’t the only one who mentions basketball players right after reminding everyone of the days when one particular race was rounded up and sent to labor camps. Because Kanye West performed in London this weekend, and his mind works the same way.
West was performing at the Big Chill music festival Saturday night … when he went on one of his signature rants … this time focusing on the hardships of being so painfully misunderstood
“I walk through the hotel and I walk down the street, and people look at me like I’m f**king insane, like I’m Hitler. One day the light will shine through and one day people will understand everything I ever did.”
Moments later, Kanye suggested that he needed to be the MJ of music, “Michael Jordan changed so much in basketball, he took his power to make a difference. It’s so much f**king going on in music right now and somebody has to make a f**king difference.”
I don’t mean to be pedantic but Hitler also used his power to make a difference. So in that sense Jordan and Hitler are very much alike. Also, Jordan moved a lot of shoes, while Hitler moved a lot of Jews. They’re like two sides of the same coin.
The Cannes Film Festival isn’t simply about self promotion and pussy, it’s also about nurturing the creative spirit of film making and helping others.
I’m lying of course. It’s about self promotion and pussy. So that’s why, when Kanye West went to the amfAR Cinema Against AIDS charity event last night, he drove up like Blackman (black Batman) in a Mercedes McLaren SLR Stirling Moss. One of just 75 in the world, with a price tag of about $1.7 million. “Dat AIDS and zombies is sad an shit,” Kanye no doubt thought to himself as he drove up, “but the fuk Im’a do? Kanye aint no doctor. But Kanye got hisself big money, and Kanye a star, and Kanye gone shine, you can ba-lee dat.”
Over the weekend, Kanye West was spotted on his hotel balcony in Cannes kissing an unknown blond girl (pics here and here). I mean, I’m sure he knows who she was, but no one else did.
So yesterday, the Sun decided to say the girl was 18-year-old Sports Illustrated model Kate Upton (seen here in Beach Bunny’s 2011 bridal bikini collection. Because bridal bikinis are apparently a thing that exists now). Luckily, Kate went on her twitter not once but twice to clear things up.
“Hey I said I wasnt in Cannes come on that girl doesn’t even look like me… I’m not with kanye.”
I just realized I wrote “luckily” before explaining that Kate wasn’t kissing a black guy. But don’t worry, I only phrased it that way because I’m astoundingly racist.
JJ ABRAMS – has a new top secret movie project at Paramount, called Zanbato for now, with Japanese history and robotics as the major themes. One source described it as, “Swashbuckling robots with swords.” Cool. So how long until someone points out that robots are made of sword-proof metal. (deadline)
KANYE WEST – closed out Coachella Sunday night, and “delivered a grandiose, theatrical performance destined to be remembered as one of the greatest hip-hop sets of all time.” And safest. (thr and lat)
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN – visited the final 7 contestants on American Idol Friday, though it’s not clear if he’ll be on air as a mentor. Too bad Pia Toscano isn’t still there. Just imagine the stirring conversation they could have had about Jersey. (e!)
FERGIE – was stopped by the TSA at LAX (again) this weekend. “Why is this old guy carrying a purse”, they asked as Fergie approached. “Somethings not right here.” (daily mail and splash news)