Kanye Cancels Show Tonight

By Lex October 31, 2013 @ 5:24 PM

Kanye West canceled his Vancouver show for tonight because the truss that holds up his big-ass LED screen that depicts all his heavenly Yeezus backdrops got damaged when trucking north to the venue. The mark of any great musician is his willingness to cancel a concert because his truss got cracked. I know what the real Jesus would do. He’d pick up the microphone, lower the house lights, ask for a single spot, and treat his audience to 90 minutes of outrageous fucking freestyling psalms. Fake Jesus is lame.

Kanye Believes He and Kim Are More Important Than the Obamas

By Jack October 30, 2013 @ 2:28 PM

Kanye West is having another bout of saying shit that makes sense in his world. This time he’s claiming that the Blessed He and Kim are more influential than President Obama and his wife Michelle. It all went down when the megalomaniacal semi-decent rapper sat down with fancy lad Ryan Seacrest for an interview. According to Kanye, he and Kim are pushing down the barriers of racism and classicism through fashion. That doesn’t even make any sense, but I assume he’ll think he’s being persecuted for saying it.. More importantly Kanye believes Kim is more of a trailblazer than Michelle Obama because,

“Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day.”

He must mean the slutty swimsuit pic Kim took to show off her post-pregnancy tits and ass. He might be right. Michelle’s got a half-decent booty, but it’s not necessarily primed to make her a multimillionaire by letting dudes futz with it. On the other hand, Michelle does have those Ivy League degrees and can count to twenty-two without having to be naked. It’s not a dick full of Ray J on camera, but it’s got to count for something.

Kanye West Goes Ball Deep Into Jesus Allegories

By Lex October 28, 2013 @ 1:20 PM

Kanye West Is Carried Onstage By Half Naked Backup Singers At The Staples Center
Kanye West went full Jesus onstage at Staples Center during the L.A stop of his tour. I admire the fact that he sidestepped the subtle references to martyrdom and just portray himself as the Christ incarnate. It’s a nice mesh of narcissism and heresy. At one point in the show he blasted out an auto-tuned version of Heartless while he tried to raise his mom from the dead. I’m told the song went okay.

Photo Credit: Splash

Kanye West Doesn’t Want A Prenup

By Jack October 23, 2013 @ 12:21 PM

According to sources near Kanye West he does not want to get a prenup before marrying Kim Kardashian. It seems that in the delirium of love that he feels for that big assed schemer, he’s choosing to ignore the wise prenup advice in his own song, Gold Digger.

“Kanye’s in love with Kim to the point of infatuation. It’s scary because the love is so powerful, Kanye doesn’t even want to have a prenup. He thinks it’s tacky and he doesn’t want to offend Kim or make anything seem awkward. He loves Kim too much for that to even cross his mind. He thinks of his money and his accomplishments and hers and he wants to share them with her — no strings attached.”

If this is true, Kanye is stupider than I thought. He is worth at least two and a half times what she is. Kim is only 33 years old and has already been divorced twice, the last time after a quickie sham wedding and a brutally ugly legal proceeding that followed. Does Kanye think he’s going to make her an honest woman? Good luck with that. He’s got a baby already which ties him in financial for life, why throw in a community property marriage? There is an old Cuban saying that my grandmother would kick out every now and then, “Why buy the whole hog when all you want is a little sausage?” Kanye is about to buy the whole hog.

(Photo Via Daily Mail)

Kanye West Finally Proposed To Kim Kardashian

By Travis October 22, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Kim Kardashian celebrated her 33rd birthday yesterday just like any of us would, as she attended a party thrown in her honor at AT&T Park in San Francisco, which had been completely rented out by her boyfriend Kanye West for the evening. Kanye actually started the night off by honoring 12 Years a Slave director Steve McQueen at the Hollywood Film Awards, but he made it back in time to not only celebrate Kim’s birthday, but finally propose to her in front of her whole family. This is bad news, of course, for anyone who wagered money on this relationship being a sham, created solely for the purpose of giving Kim a child to exploit and Kanye enough attention for his recent album and upcoming tour.

But if your money is on a hilariously ugly divorce that costs them and the state of California millions and ruins a young child’s life, I’d say you’re in the driver’s seat right now.

Photo Credit: Getty

Kanye Meets With Jesus in Seattle (VIDEO)

By Lex October 21, 2013 @ 3:48 PM

If you had Kanye and Seattle for who and where the Christian Messiah would make his reappearance, you win a copy of the Yeezus album and a blow job from Kim Kardashian, or two copies of the album if you prefer. Kanye’s been getting ever heavier into his Jesus complex, taking it to the next level with an appearance from the Lamb of God onstage. It’s not exactly clear what the two talked about, but presumably Jesus thanked Kanye for saving the world in his absence, and Kanye thanked Jesus for helping him become rich and famous and getting crazy pussy despite being only a moderately talented fellow really into booties.