By Lex January 28, 2015 @ 9:57 AM
Everybody in Paris was buzzing about Taylor Swift’s lesbian girlfriend’s nipple slip during the Versace show. I think. They speak that gobbledygook language. They might’ve been talking about what sparkling white pairs best with cock. The only excitement in a fashion show is when you see some tit. Everything else is just the white noise of rich people without enviable hobbies. All the designers know they’re frauds with their auto-tuned versions of whatever shit came out years before. The buyers know it, the models, the French waiters cupping their dirty ball sacks then rubbing their soiled fingers over the drinking glasses of the fascists. It’s a grand illusion. Which like any dream is only worth having when a chick is topless and she’s not your mother. I really wish I’d stop having that one.
Photo Credit: INF/Getty
By Lex December 12, 2014 @ 1:28 PM
I suppose this is the natural happenstance of having a best friend who you occasionally make out with and sleeps over at your place a lot and looks rather suspiciously just like you. They’re going to start dressing in your shit. At some point Taylor Swift is going to have to tell Karlie Kloss they need some boundaries and give her stuff back. Perhaps in a song. Just no confrontations on T & K’s pizza and purge night. That’s sacred.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex December 03, 2014 @ 9:25 AM
The Victoria’s Secret fashion show was a huge hit in London last night, aiding the country of England in their annual determination of which of their foppish male denizen are gay and which just seem super gay. It wasn’t quite as crude as a boner test, more like seeing if you said something approximating ‘love the feathers’ at any point during the show. There were a few tense moments when producers worried the black models might hold up some kind of Ferguson protest signs, until somebody remembered they refuse to hire any black models and everything went off without a hitch. Sally forth.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex October 31, 2014 @ 1:15 PM
Taylor Swift’s not lesbian lover Karlie Kloss really cleans up nice. After a night of Parcheesi and truth or dare that involved nothing but disheartening truths, Karlie slipped into a little something more trashy to hawk some cheap perfume. With news that Paris Hilton licensed stink is now doing $2 billion in aroma sales around the world, Victoria’s Secret is stepping up the fight for a little piece of the action in nations where the only known cure for body odor is more perfume. The desire to slather artificial floral chems across my body to smell like French bidet potpourri has ever eluded me. But were I so inclined, I’d definitely look toward anorexic lingerie models or herpetic crank eyed heiresses to define my scent. 2 billion, really world? Fuck.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret
By Lex October 23, 2014 @ 8:29 AM
This is Karlie Kloss. She’s a model and Taylor Swift’s non-lesbian best girlfriend. She probably just says model when people ask because it’s shorter and you don’t have to go into details on the girls rule boys drool sleepovers at Taylor’s $20 million condo. Lena Dunham often joins the duet so Taylor doesn’t have to feel relatively unattractive. I give Lena credit for being the only one of the three gal pals to be sexually active, even if that just means she manually penetrates herself until fudge comes out. Who wants sundaes? Best sleepover ever.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Jack August 14, 2014 @ 12:38 PM
There are rumors flying around the web that Taylor Swift decided to try girls after being disappointed by so many men who she tortured to get into her pants. Supposedly, she’s been munching on Victoria Secret model Karlie Kloss’ box. If this is true, then nothing the radical Muslims say about America can bother me. We are the greatest country ever.
Read all about Taylor’s dabbling in tuna tacos. (The Superficial)
North West begins her inevitable journey towards sluthood. (Dlisted)
Hilary Duff gives us a peek at her titty balls on Instagram. (Popoholic)
Poppy Delevinge and her ass hanging out in a blue bikini on a boat. (Hollywood Tuna)
“Bad Boys 3″ is happening whether you want it or not. (Huffington Post)
Snooki’s tampon flies out during dance rehearsals. Commence puking. (Drunken Stepfather)
Some ginger wrestler named Sheamus may play the next Darth Vader. Fuck. (Moviepilot)
Photo credit: Splash News