Teens, old chicks, strange foreign chicks with pasties who nobody remembers inviting. All the girls went braless last night at the American Music Awards. After watching two minutes of sunken eyed anorexics talking fashion on E!, I discovered braless is a new style trend. I suppose it’s better than tiny hats. The Jenner girls don’t belong at a music awards show, but you ditch the bra and you’re on every short list, including the Cosby mentor program speed dial.
After thirty years as a dormant power plant serving mainly the interest of down low buggering in London, the Battersea Power Station is being turned into a bunch of upscale condos and shops right along the Thames. The developers have dispersed hot British chicks with nice breasts out like sales drones to fancy places around the world to tout the buying opportunity. When a place in my building opened up recently, my landlord was deciding whether $50 was too much to spend on an online ad for the unit. I’m assuming Kate Beckinsale with her tits showing costs more than fifty clams. When rich people with nice river views start dropping from airborne coal residue on the building site, a lot of barristers are going to get bloody rich.
I’m not sure why the camera guys snapping pictures of celebrities in Mexico can’t get clearer photos. I think it’s got something to do with the tropical climate. Or maybe bribing the right local officials to get in normal lens range. For the right payoff in Mexico, you could get the police to bring a handcuffed Kate Beckinsale to an abandoned warehouse to shoot high res fetish porn photos. That price is exactly $600. Don’t try offering $400 for that service or you’ll get kicked in the face. A friend told me.
I can’t look at hot moms wearing bikinis without thinking about all the hot moms in my neighborhood when I was a kid who refused to reciprocate or even acknowledge the very real and masturbatory feelings I had for them. But I vowed back in those days that I would grow up to be a man they could not ignore, a man of great accomplishment, a man of wealth and title who these same women would beg to take them. That or a really clever hypnotist.
Here’s Kate Beckinsale in a bikini at that Los Cabos resort where expensive lawyers for celebrities claim they have an expectation of privacy despite being photographed 100% of the times they visit there.
‘Total Recall’ had their big fancy Hollywood premiere last night, which doubled as a senior prom according to Jessica Biels dress. The theme was A Night to Remember, and all the tables had iridescent marbles in water as centerpieces. At the end of the night Kate Beckinsale signed Jessicas yearbook, telling her to never change, “remember cheer camp omfg”, and have a gr8 summer.
The first full trailer for Len Wiseman’s ‘Total Recall’ remake went up yesterday, with Colin Farrell playing a smaller though more intelligible Douglas Quiad/Hauser and Kate Beckinsale as his wife who is very dismissive when he asks, “Why are you trying to kill me?” Even though that seems to be a perfectly reasonable question. She had to know he was gonna be surprised by this.