Last week it came out that master criminal Jon Gosselin stole $230,000. His plan was brilliant in it’s simplicity. He went to the bank and took all the money he was supposed to share with his wife. Somehow, it’s still not clear how, he got caught and today he was ordered to return at least 180,000 of it. TMZ says…

According to Kate’s lawyer, Mark Momjian, “The remaining sum of $55,000, which Ms. Gosselin used for household bills and expenses relating to the children, will be subject to further determination by the arbitrator at a later date.”
Jon is required to repay the loot by October 26 — the next hearing — or appear before the judge for a contempt proceeding.
Kate says, “As difficult as this has been for me, I am pleased that the Court has ruled fairly on behalf of myself and my children. Now that this matter has been ruled on, I look forward to returning to private arbitration, as we have agreed to do, to resolve any remaining issues.”

Seriously. How did we get here? How did we get to a point where two people who are completely unlikable and who don’t actually do anything can parlay that into millions? Is this some evil alternate reality, where rock music is outlawed and Hitler is on the dollar bill.

Kate Gosselin is a mean unlikable bitch, so you really have to scale new heights if you’re in a relationship with her and you’re the one the public thinks is a jackass. And yet that’s what Jon Goseelin has managed to do. The most recent example: last week he appeared on Larry King to claim he was a new man and wanted to stop the show because it was bad for the kids, while at the same time he was also taking $230,000 out of he and Kates joint bank account, leaving her just $1000 to raise those very same kids.

Jon violated an arbitrator’s rules and pulled hundreds of thousands of dollars out of his joint account with Kate, leaving her with only $1,000, a RadarOnline.com investigation uncovered.
He appeared on Larry King Live last week with his lawyer Mark Heller and said he had an epiphany, adding: “I want Kate and I to mediate. I want us to become friends.”
But within hours of uttering those words, Jon was withdrawing several hundred thousand dollars from his joint bank account with Kate without her knowledge, leaving his estranged wife with only $1,000.
RadarOnline.com has confirmed with multiple sources that Kate routinely pays the family bills from that bank account.

At this point Jon could point to the sky, part the clouds and have it rain hundred dollar bills and most people would still just punch him in the face until they were out of breath.

Hopefully Jon Gosselin made this sign himself because it would mean he misspelled “penalty” and his own first name (close up here, source = inf daily), but whoever made it somehow got the job done because over the course of a few hours Jon has seen his public perception skyrocket from “bratty jackass” to “slightly less bratty jackass”.

TMZ says both sides confirm that Jon has been asking to end the show for months, not because he gives a shit about the kids but because he wanted to do a show on his own.

Radar Online talked to Kate today, and she says, “Jon has never expressed any concerns to me about our children being involved in the show.”

And TLC says Jons, “latest comments are grossly inaccurate, without merit and are clearly opportunistic.”

But at least he was able to halt production for now and at least claim he’s doing it for the kids.  Which is dumb.  Everyone should cash out as long as they can, because once the kids turn 12 or so, they won’t have time to film a show between all their trips to the psychiatrist and emergency room and abortion clinic.

If TLC was having trouble getting Jon Gosselins attention, the announcement this morning that they were taking his name off ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8’ and essentially firing him seemed to do the trick. Just hours after that announcement, Gosselin has apologized for his public behavior and now maybe doesn’t even want to get divorced. PopEater says…

Jon Gosselin is trying to slow down — if not halt altogether — his divorce from Kate Gosselin, telling In Touch Weekly exclusively:
“I regret my conduct since Kate and I separated … I used poor judgment in publicly socializing with other women so soon.”
He’s filed paperwork looking to stall the divorce for 90 days “to regain control over the future of our family.”

Someone better fold a piece of paper into a little fan so Kate doesn’t pass out. This silver-tongued devil just swept her right off her feet. If there’s one thing women can’t resist, it’s when their ex is forced to grovel and gives an empty apology, one that goes against everything he’s said and done for the past three months, because he suddenly needs money. That kind of apology is better than diamonds and flowers and puppies combined.