The cover story for todays InTouch (full size cover here, better pic on their site here) has another heartwarming Kate Gosselin story, this time with pictures of her smacking around Leah thankfully included. InTouch says…
Around 11 a.m. on June 13, a witness spotted Kate, 34, and the children playing outside of their Reading, Pa., home. When Leah, one of the sextuplets, started blowing a whistle loudly, Kate told her to stop because she was on the phone. But as soon as Leah blew on the whistle again, Kate “seemed to lose her temper” and said, “Did you not hear me?” Then she stormed over to her daughter, grabbed her and hit her. “The girl was screaming and crying,” the witness adds. “Kate just pushed her away and walked off with her coffee. Her older sisters were trying to make Leah feel better.”
That poor little girl. Those kids are cute so this bothers me. I probably wouldn’t care if they were ugly. I was never spanked much as a little kid, but my dad was a Marine Corps fighter pilot, including F8’s in Vietnam. F8’s, if you don’t know, did tons of low level bombings (wiki). Point being, my dad has killed many thousands of people, so when one of histories most prolific killers tells you to mow the lawn, a good idea is to slowly back away and then run to that god damn lawnmower as fast as your little legs will carry you.
I’m in a really weird mood today. It’s like I’m stoned but I’m mostly positive that I’m not. Just brace yourself for me to make even less sense than normal.
If you we’re making an episode of the A-Team, and you needed to establish how evil your bad guy was, one way to show that would be to have them living it up in a big mansion while the town they rule is real poor. And they could walk the streets drinking delicious water in front of little kids on the verge of dehydration. This clip of Kate Gosselin is like that, except it’s real life, and instead of random Mexican kids, it’s her own god damn daughter.
Here we see Plus 8 chasing fireflies and playing kick the can. Oh wait no they’re in a television studio so Kate can use them as props while she does an interview. While they wait, Mady says she’s thirsty. Kate ignores her. Mady says it again. Kate asks for a bottle of water, then takes a sip herself, then puts it away. Mady is, at best, three inches away when this happens. Mady says, “You’re really really mean, you drank it right in front of my face.” And Kate says, “Be quiet.” Then, FOR THE SECOND GOD DAMN TIME, Kate pretends as if she’s going to give a sip of water to adorable little girl, but then doesn’t.
It’s … I can’t … even …. she’s so cold, it feels like watching Ralph Fienes shoot that little kid in the back in Schindlers List. And he was a Nazi. Who ran a concentration camp. Even crocodiles provide for their kids, and they eat half of them.
Kate Gosselin spent more time in a bikini at the beach earlier today, with all 8 kids but without her 1 husband. That sounds dangerous. I bet TLC would love it if a kid got hurt. That channel got really weird. Every night it’s Jon and Kate and then 2 hours of midgets. Those shows creep me out but if you set the green level on your TV screen all the way up it looks like a science fiction movie, and then it’s pretty good.
TLC should drop the midgets in the woods with little hats and spears, then put a cloak on a boar and have it chase them around. On TLC they could call it something cute like “Camping Calamity”, but then add some music and sell the same footage in Hong Kong as “Lord of the Rings 4″. It’s like free money.
(image source = splash. jump to full size pics = here)
Stuff like that headline, or, oh, better yet, “This woman has 8 kids?!?!” is the kind of thing that would be here if this was Entertainment Tonight or People, or if it was the beginning of our journey to the land of make believe.
I’m sure tons of women would love to convince us Kate looks good because it lowers the bar for all of them, but she doesn’t. She looks like shit. That she had 8 kids is irrelevant. My penis is like a great white shark: it can’t be bargained with, it can’t be reasoned with, it doesn’t care about explanations or excuses. Look at Denise Milani. She’s a girl, and she’s at the beach just like Kate. So why doesn’t Kate look like Denise? Is it laziness? Selfishness? It might be all that and more, but there are just as many Denise pictures as ones of Kate below, so hopefully this will help balance Kate’s monster-like appearance.
