By Lex January 26, 2015 @ 11:16 AM
It’s a matter of opinion as to who among the group of girlfriends is the one staying home on Saturday night, but I’ll randomly bet behind the one who resembles a Tim Burton stop-motion character. Goldie Hawn insisted on accredited university degrees for the dude who slices her up on the regular. Her daughter only needs a couple toxin needles here and there. But that Corpse Bride really got the shaft. You have to believe they stitched her back together then realized there were still some pieces left on the medical tray. Like when you put together an Ikea bookshelf. You can tell yourself those three hex bolts and the half-inch screw were just drunk Swedes fucking up the count at the factory. But deep down you know that fucker is caving in one day. Now, imagine that’s your face.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex January 23, 2015 @ 12:13 PM
Every five years Kate Hudson composts her hemp diaphragm and lets a rock star make a baby inside of her. Get your discography together if you want to make a good looking kid. Not that you heard it from me, but I’d wait until you see the glassy stare in her eyes before you ask for intercourse proper. While waiting, why not sample some of her athletic gear. Fabletics. Kate came up with that name by combining the word athletics with the word fabliau, which is a polite French word for cum covered whore with canker sore lips. There are only so many domain names left.
Photo Credit: Fabletics
By Lex November 10, 2014 @ 3:23 PM
Kate Hudson holds the Baby2Baby Gala every year in Los Angeles. I believe it raises money for women who get knocked up by multiple rock stars. The word ‘baby’ in any charity provides extensive leeway into nobody asking where the hell their check is going. It’s called BabyMurder, just sign your name and hand over some of that TV syndication dough, fat fucking Oprah. Outside of The AIDS and Mmm, Sex With Obama, Baby is the best fundraising keyword you can plug into an L.A. event.
Women love babies like men love tits. We even make the same noises when we see them. Eventually somebody will put together a hot women breastfeeding event and the entire wealth of the world will be transferred in one evening.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex June 23, 2014 @ 12:58 PM
Taking a much needed vacation from that movie she made fifteen years ago, Kate Hudson and the dude from Muse traveled to Ibiza to work on their relationship. That means fucking without having to hear the nannies complain about how your blended family kids are lighting the Mediterranean modern McMansion curtains on fire. I’ve always admired Kate Hudson for keeping her natural body and relying solely on her acting talent and famous family and rock star baby daddies to get work in Hollywood. It hasn’t worked out so stupendously, but she retains that blaming her tiny tits card to play as needed.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Splash
By Lex May 20, 2014 @ 10:22 AM
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Splash, AKM-GSI
By Lex May 05, 2014 @ 2:52 PM
When reporters run out of shit to ask celebrities, they ask them when they’re getting married. Then we pretend we’re all progressives who refrain from judgements on people hooking up and making babies with different partners out of wedlock. Kate Hudson says she and the dude from Muse are too busy with their careers to get married. You know, unlike the rest of you shlubs who have nothing but free time on your hands to get married and mow the lawn and remember your kids peanut allergies. I guess today being super career busy at the beach was more important than making her second kid legitimate. Fuck, even Kim and Kanye got their papers. Do you want to be on the short side of the moral ledger compared to Kim and Kanye? You do not. Kate did take the time to regurgitate some Pablum she read in another magazine:
Relationships are the most challenging things. It’s where you do the most work in your life. You come face-to-face with yourself, and if you can deal with realizing we’re all flawed, accept it and work with it, you might have a really amazing, lasting relationship.
Thanks, Oprah in a bottle. I could give a fuck if people get married or not. But I’m not their kids, what his face and what’s his other face who the nanny has to console because the kids at school are calling them bastards. Just kidding, that was my childhood. At the private schools in Los Angeles the kids with non-traditional family structures get extra lactose free pudding.
Photo Credit: Splash, AKM-GSI