Sports Illustrated released a video of Kate Upton being bodypainted just to remind everybody that Sports Illustrated still does something between annual Swimsuit Editions. It’s a conundrum when you’re choked to death by your own golden goose. Sort of like Kate Upton not wanting to be seen as a sex object then taking a paycheck to let a bunch of chunky handlers airbrush her naked body. In a perfect world, everybody could just be honest about who they really are. And Kate would take off her bottoms.
I’m pretty easily distracted.My ADHD is so severe, it took me six attempts to write ADHD. But I’m not falling for the silly hat trick. I’m looking right at Kate Upton’s boobs.. I know Kate is adamant about not being seen as a sex object, an object, or just plain old sex. But it’s really pretty hard. Especially that last part. Dress up like a British royal all you want Kate, hell, date a gay Russian ballroom dancer. I will never stop staring at your nutter butters. To this I commit.
Photo Credit: Splash
Because she’s the most famous model in the world right now, Kate Upton was also at the 30th Annual Night of Stars presented by the Fashion Group in New York City last night, and this is a little confusing. On one hand, it’s Kate Upton, so from the neck down we know what we’re in for, and that’s always usually an A+. But whoever picked this color and those lesbian combat high heels for Kate to wear really needs to dial it back a notch. Unless the point was to make Kate Trip over the boots, snag her dress on a door or sign and completely tear it off, in which case that designer deserves to be the next President of the United States.
Photo Credits: Getty
For Snoop Lion, doing a Hot Pockets commercial is common sense, because with the amount of weed that guy has smoked in his lifetime, it’s only natural that he’d be putting his name behind one of the greatest late night stoner snacks out there. But Kate Upton? This is probably a bad idea, because there are already so many people who like to call her fat, so between this and that Carl’s Jr. commercial she’s either being paid out the ass, just mocking everyone or giving them more ammo than they’ll ever need. Or probably a little of 1 and 3. Maybe next time she should just consider endorsing salad.
Kate Upton decided to double down this week on her quest to not be seen as a sex object by both announcing she was dating a lithesome ballroom dancer and hitting the streets of Paris with an acne covered face. It’s no surprise that when models pull all the makeup off, their skin mostly looks like shit. It’d be easy for me to make fun of Kate’s pimples, but then it’d be easy for Kate to point out that she’s still ten times hotter than any woman I’m ever going to have sex with in my entire life and then call me a bitch and order me to get her a latte. I’d highly recommend staring at her tits in silence.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, INFphoto.com, PCN
Speaking of huge breasts in Paris, Kate Upton took part in the Louis Vuitton runway show yesterday with more typical runway models like Eva Herzigova and Cara Delevingne, and I say more typical because Kate looks like she’s been on an Arby’s diet standing next to these two waifs. But that’s a good thing, because unlike Cara, Kate’s cheeks don’t look like her face is turning into a black hole. Still, Kate knows what’s up and also hit the street for a jog before the show, and I’m pretty sure we’re all disappointed that there isn’t an endless video of that.
(Photo Credits: Getty)