By Lex October 03, 2013 @ 11:52 AM
Kate Upton decided to double down this week on her quest to not be seen as a sex object by both announcing she was dating a lithesome ballroom dancer and hitting the streets of Paris with an acne covered face. It’s no surprise that when models pull all the makeup off, their skin mostly looks like shit. It’d be easy for me to make fun of Kate’s pimples, but then it’d be easy for Kate to point out that she’s still ten times hotter than any woman I’m ever going to have sex with in my entire life and then call me a bitch and order me to get her a latte. I’d highly recommend staring at her tits in silence.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, INFphoto.com, PCN
By Travis October 02, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Speaking of huge breasts in Paris, Kate Upton took part in the Louis Vuitton runway show yesterday with more typical runway models like Eva Herzigova and Cara Delevingne, and I say more typical because Kate looks like she’s been on an Arby’s diet standing next to these two waifs. But that’s a good thing, because unlike Cara, Kate’s cheeks don’t look like her face is turning into a black hole. Still, Kate knows what’s up and also hit the street for a jog before the show, and I’m pretty sure we’re all disappointed that there isn’t an endless video of that.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
By Lex September 30, 2013 @ 5:42 AM
I don’t know why I feel let down that Kate Upton dumped a bunch of guy including a Cy Young award winner for a dude who does the rumba. Yes, I know women love a man who can dance. They also love men who cry and dress in flowing billowy clothing and cycle on their periods with them. And why shouldn’t a woman get herself a man who is just like a woman. It’s like having a lesbian partner with a built-in strap on and far less drama. You can’t pussy whip a partner who has a pussy of her own. It’s like two equally skilled Jedi clacking lightsabers. Somebody has to be the sub. I’m going with the guy who wears sequins and knows how to do the splits.
By Lex September 06, 2013 @ 7:25 PM
Kate Upton is cursed with being super hot. Men are never going to treat her like the scientist that she isn’t. They’re simply going to want to pay her lots of money to see her looking sexy. As far as curses go, it’s something worse than having a bum uncle but not nearly as bad as being ugly.
Here’s a whole bunch of glamorous photos of Kate at an age approximating when she would have laughed at me for asking her to the prom.
Note from photographer James Weber to WWTDD:
all the images out there of Kate Upton that are out there, most of them are retouched. I didn’t do anything to the images I shot but change them to black and white. In this day and age that’s almost unheard of. I think that makes them more beautiful because they’re natural. Notice all the freckles and beauty marks on her in these photos, look online in other images for the same ones, I’m sure most of them will have been taken out. This world is a little too retouch heavy.
Photo Credit: James Weber Photography
By Lex September 04, 2013 @ 3:37 PM
It’s important to Kate Upton that you remember that she’s not a sex object. I’m not sure what we’re supposed to do with this admonition specifically, Maybe review her grade school art folder as you whack off to her? Either way, the non-object has accepted the title of model of the year for the Style Awards, whatever the hell those are. But it must be important, because it’s being televised on E!, which means there will be bulimic over-made up shrews talking about shit I don’t care about as all the while I’m objectifying Kate Upton. I’m weak in the soul and Kate Upton is cursed with being a great looking blond with nice tits. The universe has a master plan and Kate Upton is still trying to fight it.
Photo Credit: Vanity Fair
By Lex August 09, 2013 @ 4:21 PM
Kate Upton hates that men see her as a sex object rather than a human being. Her big breakout cover of SI in 2012 left her “feeling terrible, instead of basking in her newfound celebrity.” She felt so bad, she could barely take her fat SI paycheck to the bank and then fight to get the cover the following year as well. And, it gets worse, because if you’re a model, not only do people treat you like a dumb object, but they snatch away your religion.
“I was at a photo shoot, and I was wearing a cross necklace that my mom bought me, and somebody made a joke like ‘Why are you wearing a cross? And then they took [my necklace] away. I was really affected by that.” — Kate tells Elle magazine
Wow. These model shoots sound like horror stories out of a Stalinist gulag. I stopped reading the interview before Kate could complain about having to date Justin Verlander and watch him give up two home runs in Game 1 of the World Series. I didn’t really stop reading so much as I started beating off to Kate’s photos. I still have a ways to go on my personal journey.
Photo Credit: Elle Magazine