You never forget the first time you see an eighteen year old getting paid to be in her underwear. Kate Upton did this lingerie modeling gig as she turned barely legal; not exactly the Hustler version of the concept, but it helped transform this sugar-titty hot blonde from just another cute female Guess model into one of the most yanked-to women in the world just over two years later.
Whether you’re a female model or a male model, you have to blow a lot of dudes to work your way up the magic line. If you can get there in just a year or two, you can save yourself a lot of bad touch memories.
When it comes to Twitter, Kate Upton is pretty boring, because she never Tweets any nude photos. Meanwhile, other girls with giant tits like Emma Glover can’t go 30 seconds without posting nude pics. But when you’re the cover model of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, you apparently can’t be a raging whore. Fortunately, Kate has at least inspired other women with giant tits to be awesome on Twitter as a tribute.
On Saturday, some Russian girl named Ania dressed up like Kate on the latest Swimsuit Issue cover and Kate did her the favor of retweeting. Honestly, the picture could have showed her standing on 100 dead orphans and nobody would even notice them. In fact, I encourage her to try.
I’m not sure when somebody somewhere decided that the occasional airbrush shave of the waistline on a sexy celebrity should turn into a full-on Photoshopping of their entire face and body to create a glossy printed female mannequin. I guess it’s just the natural course of technology and its endless march to destroy all that is natural and holy (and thank god for 98% of that).
What magazines likes Sports Illustrated do to the chicks on their pages now makes you wonder how far off we are from simply virtual models appearing in print. Such a waste too when you have a woman designed by god to turn on every single man on this planet and ensure the continuation of the species. Kate Upton doesn’t need no airbrushing.
Wait, did I just accidentally imply that Genevieve Morton was every bit as hot as Kate Upton? Because that was before reader Tim emailed a video of Kate dancing in a new ad for Skullcandy.
So really this is Tim’s fault. I guess Tim thinks he’s on some kind of vacation and can just email videos of Kate Upton dancing whenever he gets around to it. Or maybe we all live on Tim Island and didn’t know it, and from now on we should all set our watches to Tim Time.
Kate Upton is doing her best to promote her second cover for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, and she looks great doing it, but there’s no way anyone really goes out and buys a copy of this, is there? Any kid under 12 hacked Time Warner and set up a real-time live-feed from the actual photoshoots 4 months ago, and any adult looks like a lonely pervert. Every ad in this thing must be for lube and eHarmony.
(image source of kate last night in new york = getty, wenn)
Over the weekend it was learned that Kate Upton would be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue for the second year in a row after a cellphone copy of the cover showed up online. But now even more pictures have arrived. It’s like Christmas, except not made up and there’s actual proof that Kate Upton exists. My erection, for one.
UNSEXY UPDATE - there’s no way to sugarcoat this: sports illustrated is freaking out about those pictures and will only let me post these. all happiness and joy are gone.