The Other Woman is a movie that I’m dying not to go see. The movie revolves around a woman who finds out that her husband has a mistress and the mistress finds out he has a husband, and instead of them both dumping his ass like a healthy woman would, they seek revenge. They can put Kate Upton out front in a bikini all they want, you can’t fool me. This is a movie that’s going to make my dick want to apologize to past girlfriends for forgetting about their birthdays and their deadly peanut allergies. I don’t need to pay to go to the movies to be lectured, I can just ask the girl I was going to take to the movies to lecture me for free about why I never take her anywhere. Relationships are easy once you’ve given up.
I’m not above a compliment. This is true genius. Putting Kate Upton up in an airplane and diving steep to create a zero-G effect on her big plump titties, it’s inspired. The fact they removed all the vomit and gave her a smile is a nice nod to all the guys jerking off to the dream of Kate Upton floating in no gravity with her mouth around their johnsons. Personally, I like the vomit. The slight burn reminds me of prom night.
Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit
I’m not sure if we’re supposed to look or not. Kate Upton made such a big stink about not wanting to be seen by men as a sex object. The fact that she keeps selling herself as a sex object makes following directions more difficult, but there’s dignity in the struggle. And I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to struggle more than she is.
Photo Credit: V Magazine
Here’s the trailer for The Other Woman, which stars Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann as two women who realize that other guys will always ignore them for Kate Upton. There might be more plot details, but I was distracted by the very manipulative use of slow motion while Kate is jogging on the beach. It’s the kind of scene that could stop some evil terrorists from blowing up the entire world, because just as they’re about to push the button on their arsenal of nukes, Kate would jog by in slow motion, and they’d realize that America had it right this whole time. Thanks for saving the world, Kate Upton’s breasts.