Kate Upton Isn’t a Toy

By Lex August 09, 2013 @ 4:21 PM

Kate Upton In The September 2013 Issue Of Elle

Kate Upton hates that men see her as a sex object rather than a human being. Her big breakout cover of SI in 2012 left her “feeling terrible, instead of basking in her newfound celebrity.” She felt so bad, she could barely take her fat SI paycheck to the bank and then fight to get the cover the following year as well. And, it gets worse, because if you’re a model, not only do people treat you like a dumb object, but they snatch away your religion.

“I was at a photo shoot, and I was wearing a cross necklace that my mom bought me, and somebody made a joke like ‘Why are you wearing a cross? And then they took [my necklace] away. I was really affected by that.” — Kate tells Elle magazine

Wow. These model shoots sound like horror stories out of a Stalinist gulag. I stopped reading the interview before Kate could complain about having to date Justin Verlander and watch him give up two home runs in Game 1 of the World Series. I didn’t really stop reading so much as I started beating off to Kate’s photos. I still have a ways to go on my personal journey.

Photo Credit: Elle Magazine

Kate Upton’s Breasts Look Strange

By Travis July 31, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Kate Upton was the guest of honor at last night’s David Yurman Annual Rooftop Soiree as she is the new face of David’s luxurious and ridiculously expensive jewelry line, and she did her typical Kate Upton thing of standing around and looking gorgeous while occasionally acting goofy and strategically jiggling for all of the really wealthy men. But as I looked at these photos of Kate at the party, I couldn’t help but notice that her breasts look a little strange.

I don’t know if it’s the dress or the way that the light hits it, but it looks like someone replaced one of Kate’s cantaloupes with an orange. I’m going to have to spend the next several hours examining them to get to the bottom of this. You know, for science and whatever.

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Kate Upton Models Bridal Bikinis For Beach Bunny

By Lex July 25, 2013 @ 2:41 PM

Kate Upton Models Bridal Bikinis For Beach Bunny Swimwear
Back in first grade, a girl told me we’d be married someday. I told her I liked her friend better. She cried. I felt horrible. That experience still sums up my view on marriage. It’s a complicated business. But that doesn’t stop guys from saying ‘I do’ even as ten million years of human evolution compels them otherwise. These images of Kate Upton in her ‘wedding bikini’ probably don’t help. It’s easy to imagine marriage is all about having sex with Kate Upton on the beach. But even if you’re marrying Kate Upton you won’t be that lucky.

Photo Credit: Beach Bunny

Cameron Diaz, Kate Upton, And Leslie Mann In Bikinis Filming The Other Woman

By Lex July 22, 2013 @ 1:03 PM

Cameron Diaz, Kate Upton, And Leslie Mann In Bikinis While Filming The Other Woman In The Bahamas
I can’t help but feel this The Other Woman movie is going to be one horrible shat of a comedy caper involving women getting back on a cheating man. I’m not sure why women find that empowering. But I guess it’s a thing. When I get misused by the opposite sex, i mostly just feel like eating condensed Campbell’s soup and watching the crappy Star Wars prequels to remind myself of how great things can so easily get fucked up. It’s possible women who seek revenge are more manly than me. Though Kate Upton in particular does not look very manly.

Photo Credit: INF

Kate Upton Has Big Boobs

By Lex July 10, 2013 @ 7:13 PM

Kate Upton In Low Cut Dress Out In New York
Kate Upton got a new haircut. I read that somewhere. And I will confirm as soon as I get done staring at her breasts for a few more minutes. If I was a woman I’d ask for boobs just like that. I mean, ask God, or a doctor I guess.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin

No Thanks, Cameron Diaz

By Travis June 25, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Cameron Diaz and Kate Upton were filming another scene together for their new movie The Other Woman yesterday in Chinatown, and Cameron apparently didn’t take too kindly to people snapping photos. Kate, on the other hand, was polite, respectful and, most importantly, very attractive, so she should be commended for exhibiting better behavior than her much older counterpart.

And while it’s still a really bad decision on Cameron’s part to keep standing near a beautiful supermodel, Kate should at least take advantage of their time together by learning about important things like not aging and staying far away from women who make her look like a California Raisin.

(Photo Credits: WENN.com)