By Lex June 13, 2013 @ 2:44 PM
I really thought the whole bodypaint thing was a passing fad. Like henna tattoos or Japanese baseball players. But SI is still sticking with it. And you’d have to be a real dick to complain about any reason to see Kate Upton without her clothes on.
Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated
By Travis June 13, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
People always complain when George Lucas goes back, re-masters and fucks with his classic Star Wars films or makes new Indiana Jones movies that are crammed with stupid crap like aliens, but maybe if he went back and added Kate Upton and her giant breasts to each movie, people wouldn’t care as much. Maybe instead of arguing over whether Han Solo or Greedo shot first, people could say, “Hey check out Kate Upton’s tits.”
But until that technology is perfected, we’ll have to settle for Kate running around on the beach for her role in the new movie The Other Woman. Kate was filming another scene for the film in the Hamptons yesterday, and it included her kissing Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, who will be presented with the “Best Hiding of a Boner” at next year’s Spike Guy’s Choice Awards.
(Photo Credit: Jackson Lee/Splash News)
By Lex June 10, 2013 @ 4:09 PM
When you turn 21, everybody makes that same lame joke about how you can finally have your first drink. Most kids these days are tossing back brews by mid-high school. Drew Barrymore was an A.A. blue chipper by fifth grade. I’m guessing Kate Upton has had a cocktail before today. I don’t even understand why you’re legally allowed to have sex before you’re allowed to have liquor. Or even how you can have sex without liquor. Who makes these rules? ‘Your mother’ would be the right answer.
Here’s a bunch of bikini pictures of Kate Upton in case you forgot how fucking fantastic she looks.
By Lex June 07, 2013 @ 11:48 AM
I don’t blame Leslie Mann for pointing at Kate Upton’s jugs and making a scene. People need to start pointing at women with big tits more often and saying aloud, ‘Hey, big tits!’. Anyone from overdeveloped high school cheerleader to busty grandma in her Vegas in the 60′s look. Point them out and let the world know you’ve seen a big set of milkers. The big topped ladies will pretend to be very sensitive and even humiliated by the gesture, but, trust me, deep down, they’ll be chest proud. Go do this now.
Here’s Kate Upton on the set of Nick Cassavetes The Other Woman. This film looks promising.
Photo Credit: PCN
By Lex May 29, 2013 @ 12:19 PM
I don’t care what the fight is about, I’m taking Kate Upton’s side. She stole a dress from your store? Too bad, not her fault. She got loaded and plowed her car through your living room? Rebuild. She slept with the PM of Pakistan and stole the nuclear launch codes to a set of missiles aimed right at Cincinnati Tough luck, Cinci, now you’ll never get an NBA franchise. Kate Upton can do no wrong. She’s blond and beautiful and has ginormous boobs and I’d gladly let her ruin my life, let alone yours. I’d certainly let her fuck up the shit of Victoria’s Secret after they dissed her.
We would never use Kate . . . She’s like a footballer’s wife, with the too-blond hair and that kind of face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy
– Sophia Neophitou, Victoria’s Secret booker, 2012
Because who’d ever want to see a super hot wife of a pro athlete in lingerie? Only everybody, including Victoria’s Secret which went ahead and ran an old photo they shot of Kate on the back cover of their current catalog because even they know how fucking foolish they are. Kate is said to be pissed off at the hypocrisy. C’mon, Kate, let’s go burn that mother down, then get wasted, and I’ll show you approximately 90 seconds of the best loving you’ve ever known. Just like that.
By Lex May 10, 2013 @ 2:51 PM
Kate Upton is going to break many hearts and cause a lot of fist fights before she ultimately ends up the fourth and likely favorite wife of a Middle Eastern prince. That’s the jackpot for a girl like Kate who will get tired of starving for jobs at the point when she finds a guy with oil money who likes his ladies blonde and big and covered in Thousand Island dressing. What I’m saying is you don’t have a lot of time left to pretend she’s your girlfriend.
Photo Credit: Vogue