Photo Credit: Vogue
Photo Credit: Vogue
I’m not above a compliment. This is true genius. Putting Kate Upton up in an airplane and diving steep to create a zero-G effect on her big plump titties, it’s inspired. The fact they removed all the vomit and gave her a smile is a nice nod to all the guys jerking off to the dream of Kate Upton floating in no gravity with her mouth around their johnsons. Personally, I like the vomit. The slight burn reminds me of prom night.
Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit
I’m not sure if we’re supposed to look or not. Kate Upton made such a big stink about not wanting to be seen by men as a sex object. The fact that she keeps selling herself as a sex object makes following directions more difficult, but there’s dignity in the struggle. And I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to struggle more than she is.
Photo Credit: V Magazine
Here’s the trailer for The Other Woman, which stars Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann as two women who realize that other guys will always ignore them for Kate Upton. There might be more plot details, but I was distracted by the very manipulative use of slow motion while Kate is jogging on the beach. It’s the kind of scene that could stop some evil terrorists from blowing up the entire world, because just as they’re about to push the button on their arsenal of nukes, Kate would jog by in slow motion, and they’d realize that America had it right this whole time. Thanks for saving the world, Kate Upton’s breasts.
Kanye West continued his deluded fuckhead radio tour by claiming that his trashy girlfriend Kim Kardashian is the new Marilyn Monroe. The revelation came in the middle of an epic 45 minute rant on the Power 105′s Breakfast Club radio show. The subject came up of Vanity Fair hiring Kate Upton to pose as Marilyn Monroe on their cover. Kanye ain’t having none of that shit. He said,
“I have a love-hate relationship with the paparazzi, but actually I love them because they are empowering us. They are empowering us over Vanity Fair that want to say that Kate Upton is Marilyn Monroe. Kate Upton ain’t Marilyn Monroe, Kim is Marilyn Monroe.”
Yes, because God forbid something not be about the two of them for five fucking minutes. Marilyn Monroe embodied the ideal of desirable woman for her time. She was blond and curvy and sassy and knew the fine art of the tease. Can you imagine Kim Kardashian singing Happy Birthday, Mr. President to the Commander in Chief? She’d groan like a wounded bear and pull down her girdle as her mom cackled for Obama to bang her daughter’s ass like a Kenyan warrior. Actually, I’d watch that.