These pictures of the one year anniversary of the club Tao in the Venetian hotel in Vegas are boring but they're going up anyway because Paris Hilton is so alarming ugly it's haunting. With her dead lifeless eyes and pointy witch nose. I'd rather fuck a beehive. Katherine Heigl should look better but doesn’t. Her smile makes her look like the queen from "Aliens", and even that probably sounds sexier than it is. And she's never had any idea how to get dressed. Not like me. With me it's always a show. I scrunch up my top hat and pop it out before I do a big number with my cane. I have no one idea who the skinny black dude is, but he dresses like he's in Gryffindor. I guess that's what the cool black guys are doing these days. (Nick Cannon, maybe?)
It's amazing how the wrong dress or bad hair and makeup can make even hot chicks look like a complete mess. Eva Longoria weighs 55 pounds but still managed to pick out a dress that makes her look 15 months pregnant. And that doesn't even look like hair. It looks like she has dog ears. Like she's in some kind of dog hat. Katherine Heigl has a giant rack and a giant head. Guess which one her stylist decided to accentuate. Guess which one is freakin me out. And Vanessa Minnillo got the hair right and her body looks great but that dress is awful. Whatever that is on her neckline looks like it was dug out of a litter box. And when she moved it was all glittery. She twirled around once and I had to shove my wallet in my mouth because I thought I was gonna have a seizure. I also never would have guessed natural light would be so unkind to her. I kept staring at the divot in her forehead waiting for it to open and blink at me.
