TOM IS SHORT. OH I GUESS I WAS WRONG.

By brendon July 17, 2008 @ 7:16 AM

Jared has some pictures up today showing a very stately Tom Cruise.  He’s been 5’6” for 20 years but as of last night he’s a damn giant.  Maybe it's forced perspective or whatever but they’re the same height, at best, and last night Katie was wearing 3-inch heels, yet Tom still looks taller.  So this can only mean he’s wearing lifts.  Which is funny.  I hope this is his new thing.  I dream of the day he gets out of the limo and clomps his feet down and sticks his arms out and waves them in big circles to keep his balance as he steps down the red carpet in KISS boots from 1978, all while grinning like an idiot and pretending none of this is happening.

KATIE AND HER GRANDPA AT MTV

By brendon June 02, 2008 @ 4:12 AM

Tom Cruise wore a very handsome sweater to yesterdays MTV Movie Awards, a perfect indicator for how hip and edgy this thing has gotten lately.  After this he played with the thermostat for a while and then listed places around town with the cheapest gas.  Then he settled in with a nice cup of chamomile and went nitey-nite.  What an evening!

KATIE HOLMES LOOKS … BETTER?

By brendon April 02, 2008 @ 9:09 AM

Bauer Griffin has some pictures of Katie Holmes new super short haircut, and although I will look back longingly to her time as the Berries and Cream lad, I like this one too because Tom Cruise has been getting fat lately, and I miss the old timey comedy teams where one guy was short and fat and the other guy was tall and skinny.  Hopefully they’ll do that bit where one of them has a ladder on their shoulder and they turn around and bonk the other one in the head.  Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

KATIE WAS TOMS FOURTH CHOICE

By brendon March 10, 2008 @ 9:10 AM

The story that Tom Cruise set up and auditioned prospective wives – the result of which was Katie Holmes – has been around for a few years now and been on Tyler at least twice (including here) but today it's alive again, this time because of new claims from an ex high ranking scientologist.  So does this mean its true?  Uhh, sure why not.  Page Six says:

Marc Headley, who used to produce promotional films for the religion, spoke to Britain’s News of the World and said that following Tom's split from Penelope Cruz in 2004, the megastar told head of Scientology David Miscavige that he was having trouble meeting women. So the church sent out a casting call that said, “There’s an upcoming Tom Cruise movie you might get a part in. Come for an audition.” There were of course restrictions: You had to be single, pretty and in your twenties.
While a few female Scientologists were rounded up — Traffic’s Erika Christensen and CSI: Miami's Sofia Milos — they were all rejected as Tom focused his attention on bigger stars. “They went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order,” Marc says. “Jennifer and Jessica didn’t bite but Scarlett took the bait and came in for an audition. When she arrived and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood, she freaked out and didn’t do a tape…”

It's hard not to notice that this is pretty much the same thing lonely perverts do when they want to bang teen runaways forced into porn.  They set up fake production offices and put out ads for "new models".  And it works too. (*)  

(*) don’t I know it … heh heh heh

NOTE – Im pretty sure Scarlett Johansson was already cast in MI:3, along with that Trinity chick from the Matrix, when it was still set to be written and directed by (the great) Joe Carnahan.  He dropped out, JJ Abrahams stepped in, and Scarlett’s role was written out, but only after Cruise freaked her out by trying to marry her.

KATIE MIGHT BE PREGNANT

By brendon February 27, 2008 @ 9:22 AM

OK magazine hints that Katie Holmes might be pregnant in their latest issue.  And by "hints", I mean, "they splash it all over the front page in big giant font normally saved for WORLD AT WAR and UFO DESTROYS WHITE HOUSE".  They say:

With best friends like Giorgio Armani and Victoria Beckham and big plans to have her own haute couture label in the future, it isn't surprising that Katie Holmes is always among the most fashion-forward women in Hollywood.
But when hubby Tom Cruise and the slender star showed up at both the Costume Designers Guild Awards and the Essence Black Women in Hollywood Awards wearing loose-fitting dresses that seemed to reveal the hint of a bump to spectators, the question on everyone's lips was: Could Katie have a baby on board?
"She has that special glow that only pregnant women have," an eyewitness tells OK!. "I would say there is a strong possibility that she's pregnant."
If she is expecting, the timing couldn't be better, with little daughter Suri turning 2 in April. "Katie's a big believer in big families and lots of siblings. It's how she was brought up," a Holmes family friend tells OK!. The 29-year-old actress has three older sisters and a brother eight years her senior. "She was always jealous of being so far apart in age from her siblings, so she doesn't want to space it out too far."

The picture they have on their cover is from the same set as above (full pic here, better shot here, different angle here).  They don't really show anything good.  OK might as well claim she's a space pirate, Olympic champion, or Natalie Portman if Natalie Portman were hooking at a truck stop.



KATIE WILL RUN THE BOSTON MARATHON

By brendon January 10, 2008 @ 9:38 AM

Back in November, Katie Holmes ran the New York City Marathon, her first one, and now Us Weekly is reporting that she has signed up for her second, this time the famous Boston Marathon. Us says:

Holmes had placed 34,193rd among 39,085 entrants in the New York City marathon (26.2 miles in about 5 hours and 30 minutes) on Nov. 4, which means she didn't qualify by merit for the April 21st race in Boston.
Runners in the Boston Marathon must have specific qualifying times. For Holmes' age group, that would mean finishing a previous marathon in 3 hours and 40 minutes.
The actress "received an exemption," a marathon insider tells Us, because race organizers "occasionally give out 'charity entrances.'"

It's easy to make fun of Katie Holmes for a hundred different reasons, but at least she exercises and keeps her body looking hot, unlike that fatass Jennifer Love Hewitt, who seems to think running is only for when your car breaks down in the rain or if you’re being chases by zombies.

(katie last night at the premier of "mad money".  picture source = getty images)