I’m already on record as saying Katie Holmes is hot so it’s prolly too late to pretend that didn’t happen, but in my defense I had no way of knowing she was gonna do this. Stumble around on Long Island this morning like a rape victim who just chewed through her ropes. God you women are maddening. How could someone who looks like this trick me into thinking she was so cute. She probably used some kind of kissing potion to cloud my mind and make me fall in love with her. Because I’m so handsome. Yes, yes it’s all adding up now.
I know that all the cool kids think Katie Holmes sucks, but those kids are clearly queer because she’s terrific looking. And today the Sun UK agrees with me, saying she’s “back to her breast”. Actually I don’t know what the hell that means but she wore a sheer shirt the other night in New York and I assume the two are related. Also related is how awesome she looked topless in ‘the Gift’ (video evidence here if you forgot). I think if people remembered that movie, they would respect her more. They would get down on one knee as she passed them on the street, and only speak of her in hushed whispers. “There she is. The one with the titties.”
Last night was the much-talked about appearance of Katie Holmes on “So You Think You Can Dance”. When it broke in June that she was going to sing and dance in a hugely elaborate homage to Judy Garland, a source told Us magazine, “She is killing it. She looks incredible. Everyone is absolutely floored by how talented she is.”
“Everyone” must have thought she was a zombie before this or one of the backup dancers is also named Katie Holmes, because all she does here is kind of goose-step back and forth and occasionally move her mouth at the same pace of the song that’s playing. It looks less like dancing and more like she’s walking on hot sand.
TIME SAVING UPDATE – i cut the video down to just the part where she dances. it still looks like something from the ministry of silly walks, but now it takes 2 minutes less to get to it.
KATIE HOLMES – taped a guest appearance on So You Think You Can Dance yesterday, and yes she will be dancing. In fact a source said: “She is killing it. She looks incredible. Everyone is absolutely floored by how talented she is.” Then the source was asked his name, and he said, “Tom, wait, um, yes, T-Tom … Cru … Crew … Sing … Ton … Berg. Tom Crusingtonberg. Yes, yes that will do.” (source = us)
WILL SMITH – and his wife Jada often sneak off during parties or pull over on the side of the road to have sex. Well big deal so do I. Wait. Oh they probably mean with a partner. Never mind. I’m so lonely! (source – imdb)
MEGAN FOX – was photographed topless on the set of Jennifers Body in May of last year, so I have no idea why the always great Daily News is making a big deal out of that today, but as it turns out I also don’t care. Look, tits! (source = new york daily news)
Katie Holmes got hair extensions in Tokyo for for the Japanese premier of “Valkyre” Tuesday night, and I'm still convinced she looked fantastic even though every single picture taken of her looks terrible. Because somehow this is it. This is every picture I could find. We’re still on friendly terms with Japan, right? They’re not killing our photographers as they try to smuggle out pictures of their advanced hair extension technology, are they?
Katie Holmes walked the red carpet with some sassy hair extensions last night in Tokyo for the Japanese premiere of “Valkyrie”. Although for some inexplicable reasons I can’t find good pictures of it anywhere (the banner is from the Sun). I have to follow my heart and admit I think she’s a fantastic looking woman at times, like here, even though she’s famous for her short hair these days. Unlike our 12th President Zachary Taylor, who was famous for leading U.S. troops to victory in critical battles of the Mexican-American War. So really Katie Holmes and Zachary Taylor aren’t as similar as the Hollywood hype machine would like you believe.