Katie Holmes was at the Grove in Hollywood last night, filming scenes for a new Adam Sandler movie called Jack and Jill, and when she bent over it showed off a huge bruise on her ass.
This wasn’t part of the scene, so was she injured? Did she fall down? Hopefully this wasn’t some sex related bruise, because, if there’s one thing I know about anal sex, it’s that the running start doesn’t work. It makes aim almost impossible and can lead to accidents. DON’T BE A HERO KATIE!
Katie Holmes was on set in New York this afternoon for a movie called ‘Son Of No One’, co-starring Al Pacino, Ray Liotta and Channing ‘Worst Actor Alive’ Tatum. I don’t know what the movie is about but it looks terrible. That’s the worst zombie costume I’ve ever seen. They didn’t even add any blood or rip her jeans. She is supposed to be a zombie, right? I hope she is. Because if not she might be an actual zombie.
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have been married just over 3 years now (Nov. 18) and despite recent rumors that their relationship is struggling, things are going great. So well in fact, Katie has even agreed to extend her marriage contract. Aww. This is really touching.
OK! can exclusively report that the Cruises have reached a deal on expanding their family: Katie plans to get pregnant sometime in the next year.
“She no longer feels like she’s just Mrs. Cruise. She’s her own person again,” a pal tells OK! of the couple’s decision. “She and Tom have their disagreements, but deep down they love each other very much. That’s what is important.”
Being rich must be awesome. Normally this kind of thing is called prostitution, but if the number is high enough they call it “loving each other very much”. The issue isn’t paying a girl to have sex with you, it’s paying her a hundred dollars to have sex with you. This is the kind of shit that happens when you let women vote.
I’m already on record as saying Katie Holmes is hot so it’s prolly too late to pretend that didn’t happen, but in my defense I had no way of knowing she was gonna do this. Stumble around on Long Island this morning like a rape victim who just chewed through her ropes. God you women are maddening. How could someone who looks like this trick me into thinking she was so cute. She probably used some kind of kissing potion to cloud my mind and make me fall in love with her. Because I’m so handsome. Yes, yes it’s all adding up now.
I know that all the cool kids think Katie Holmes sucks, but those kids are clearly queer because she’s terrific looking. And today the Sun UK agrees with me, saying she’s “back to her breast”. Actually I don’t know what the hell that means but she wore a sheer shirt the other night in New York and I assume the two are related. Also related is how awesome she looked topless in ‘the Gift’ (video evidence here if you forgot). I think if people remembered that movie, they would respect her more. They would get down on one knee as she passed them on the street, and only speak of her in hushed whispers. “There she is. The one with the titties.”
Last night was the much-talked about appearance of Katie Holmes on “So You Think You Can Dance”. When it broke in June that she was going to sing and dance in a hugely elaborate homage to Judy Garland, a source told Us magazine, “She is killing it. She looks incredible. Everyone is absolutely floored by how talented she is.”
“Everyone” must have thought she was a zombie before this or one of the backup dancers is also named Katie Holmes, because all she does here is kind of goose-step back and forth and occasionally move her mouth at the same pace of the song that’s playing. It looks less like dancing and more like she’s walking on hot sand.
TIME SAVING UPDATE – i cut the video down to just the part where she dances. it still looks like something from the ministry of silly walks, but now it takes 2 minutes less to get to it.