Star apologized to Katie Holmes

By brendon April 27, 2011 @ 3:49 PM

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Two months ago, Star magazine had a story claiming that Katie Homes goes to a certain type of Scientology treatment a lot. As you’ve already figured out, it was boring, so they jazzed it up a little and then put it on the cover. Through no fault of their own, some people misread the headline to mean that Katie was addicted to drugs, and that it was a shocking nightmare.

It was an honest mistake, but I guess Katie Holmes is perfect because she sued Star for 50 million dollars. They don’t have 50 million dollars, so instead they apologized to her in the new issue (scan here), and even mention it on the cover.

“In a recent issue of Star, we published headlines about Katie Holmes that could be read to suggest that she was addicted to drugs. Star did not intend to suggest that Ms. Holmes was a drug addict or was undergoing treatment for a drug addiction.Star apologizes to Ms. Holmes for any misperception and will be making a substantial donation to charity on Ms. Holmes’ behalf for any harm that we may have caused.”

Star also made a donation to the Dizzy Feet foundation, a charity Katie partially owns, designed to help “underprivileged young people realize their dream of becoming professional dancers.”

Jesus what a dumb charity. What a waste of money. They’re gonna spend a million dollars to help one person get a job that pays 60 grand. What kind of sense does that make? Just find the sluttiest, most insecure one and give her the money now before she starves herself to death.

Katie Holmes is a bad mom

By brendon March 16, 2011 @ 4:45 PM

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The Daily Mail says today that Katie Holmes was out with Suri, who is 4, at a restaurant called Serendipity 3 in New York last night, and on the way out Suri picked up a box of gummi penises.

The box features cartoon like drawings of male genitalia, and unsurprisingly Suri seemed somewhat captivated by the brightly coloured packaging which contained penis-shaped jelly sweets.
Katie seemed as oblivious to adult candy as she was to the late hour.
The phallic shaped sweets were quite clearly an inappropriate choice for the four-year-old.

As a guy I’m much less concerned with Suri seeing a penis than I am by the idea that a new generation of girls think a penis is supposed to be bitten and chewed.

Katie Holmes is suing Star for $50 million

By brendon March 01, 2011 @ 6:52 PM

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Katie Holmes has filed a 50 million dollar lawsuit against Star magazine for their January 31st cover story, not only because it wrongly infers that she’s addicted to drugs, but because they don’t actually think she’s addicted to drugs either, despite the words DRUG SHOCKER! in a font size magazines normally reserve for Martian attacks.

Inside the issue, the story does not say that Holmes uses drugs but focuses more on her use of an “e-meter” during Scientology sessions, which allegedly reflects past emotional experiences.

Nonetheless, Star says…

“Star fully stands behind the editorial integrity of what we have published concerning Ms Holmes’ controversial use of the Scientology e-meter. The physical effect of the e-meter on its users is a matter of significant public concern, and we plan to vigorously defend the suit filed by Ms. Holmes. Our attorneys look forward to deposing Ms. Holmes about her experiences with Scientology and the e-meter, and expect that the case will be promptly dismissed by the court.”

The balls on this guy. I guess they’re saying the e-meter is a drug. I don’t mean to brag but I’m pretty sure I know what the word “drug” means. Star should be grateful she’s only suing for money. This is so intentionally misleading and defamatory, if I were on that jury and she wanted the men set on fire and the women to have their vaginas sewn shut, I would do it.

Tom Cruise will skip the Oscars bc of Anne Hathaway

By brendon January 10, 2011 @ 1:42 PM








Back in November, Anne Hathaway hosted Saturday Night Live and did a breathy, stammering impression of Katie Holmes where she talked out of the side of her mouth like she was Popeye or had a stroke, and it was seen by dozens, literally dozens, of viewers around the world.

Well two of those viewers were apparently Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and now they may not attend the Academy Awards next month because Hathaway is the host. The Daily Mail says…

‘Tom and Katie don’t want to have to cross paths with Anne,’ says a Hollywood source.
‘They used to be friends and took Anne to a Tina Turner concert in 2008 when Anne split up from her boyfriend Raffaello Follieri.
‘Katie feels they were really supportive at a difficult time so she feels let down that Anne took to national TV to make fun of her.
‘Anne didn’t even warn her it was going to be on TV.’

In Hathaways defense, if someone made me go to a Tina Turner concert they would be my mortal enemy until 50 years after I died, so doing an impression doesn’t seem so bad. And old lady in a mini-skirt, singing songs she can’t sing anymore? How dare you. I would have dug up their parents and pissed on them.

Katie Holmes likes it rough

By brendon December 14, 2010 @ 3:47 PM

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Katie Holmes was at the Grove in Hollywood last night, filming scenes for a new Adam Sandler movie called Jack and Jill, and when she bent over it showed off a huge bruise on her ass.

This wasn’t part of the scene, so was she injured? Did she fall down? Hopefully this wasn’t some sex related bruise, because, if there’s one thing I know about anal sex, it’s that the running start doesn’t work. It makes aim almost impossible and can lead to accidents. DON’T BE A HERO KATIE!

katie holmes doesnt need makeup

By brendon April 07, 2010 @ 5:20 PM

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Katie Holmes was on set in New York this afternoon for a movie called ‘Son Of No One’, co-starring Al Pacino, Ray Liotta and Channing ‘Worst Actor Alive’ Tatum. I don’t know what the movie is about but it looks terrible. That’s the worst zombie costume I’ve ever seen. They didn’t even add any blood or rip her jeans. She is supposed to be a zombie, right? I hope she is. Because if not she might be an actual zombie.