Yes. Katie Holmes too.

By brendon June 20, 2011 @ 11:44 AM

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Katie Holmes was also in a bikini this weekend, spending yesterday on Miami Beach with her daughter Suri, and if I could go back in time I’d go back to this morning and warn me that Katies stomach looked like this now, no doubt because she had that stupid kid, and not to open the pictures. So if science could get off their ass and invent a time machine, that would be great.

FUN FACT: the bag Katie is using with the horse on it, the one covered with sand and salt water, is from Hermes and cost $2,700.

its Katie Holmes in a, um, bikini?

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 7:33 PM

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Katie Holmes was in Miami today, teaching her daughter Suri how to swim at their hotels pool, and then, right in front of everyone, she paraded around like some tarted up whore. You could see her back and ankles and everything. Where are my stones!

(image source = splash news and fame)

Katie Holmes is or is not pregnant

By brendon May 11, 2011 @ 6:10 PM

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Even though OK! magazine is about to run a cover story with a picture of Katie Holmes and the word “official” and an exclamation point in big letters above “Yes, I’m pregnant” in quotation marks, a rep for Tom Cruise was insisting today that she’s not, which is the same thing Katie was saying yesterday.

So are Tom and Katie lying or is OK simply wrong? Or is OK maybe the ones who are lying? Or maybe Tom got an editor at OK pregnant and this is her way of telling Katie. Jesus Christ, these magazines are complicated.

Tuesday headlines, with Rachel Bilson in leather shorts

By brendon May 10, 2011 @ 6:36 PM

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KATIE HOLMES – is not pregnant, according to her rep, who says the picture that started this rumor, “looks doctored”. To which Tom Cruise nervously asked, “Wait, so are you saying it’s fake or that the doctor made her pregnant again?” (e!)

KELLY BROOK – was nearly 5 months pregnant with her first child yesterday when she suffered a miscarriage. “Show your tits”, I tried not to think but couldn’t help myself. (ok!)

DINOSAURS VS ALIENS – is the latest result of Hollywood randomly combining characters and themes from other, better movies (such as teens + zombies + vampires vs. aliens or Abraham Lincoln vs. vampires or cowboy + ninja + viking or cowboys vs. aliens or Jane Austen vs. zombies or robots vs. zombies or Leonardo DaVinci vs. demons) because that’s way easier than thinking up new ones. Coming soon: Jesus vs. Predator, and Hitlers brain in a dragon vs. big tittied bikini Supergirl. (deadline)

REAL STEEL – now has a full length trailer that explains much more about why you’ll hate this. (yahoo)

PAUL MCCARTNEY – will not have a pre-nup when he marries fiance Nancy Shevell, despite the fact that his 2008 divorce from Heather Mills cost him $40 million. “She let’s me stick it anywhere,” he explained. (daily mail)

RACHEL BILSON – was also at the Chanel fashion show in France yesterday. So I guess that was Mila Kunis I fucked last night. I always get them mixed up.

Star apologized to Katie Holmes

By brendon April 27, 2011 @ 3:49 PM

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Two months ago, Star magazine had a story claiming that Katie Homes goes to a certain type of Scientology treatment a lot. As you’ve already figured out, it was boring, so they jazzed it up a little and then put it on the cover. Through no fault of their own, some people misread the headline to mean that Katie was addicted to drugs, and that it was a shocking nightmare.

It was an honest mistake, but I guess Katie Holmes is perfect because she sued Star for 50 million dollars. They don’t have 50 million dollars, so instead they apologized to her in the new issue (scan here), and even mention it on the cover.

“In a recent issue of Star, we published headlines about Katie Holmes that could be read to suggest that she was addicted to drugs. Star did not intend to suggest that Ms. Holmes was a drug addict or was undergoing treatment for a drug addiction.Star apologizes to Ms. Holmes for any misperception and will be making a substantial donation to charity on Ms. Holmes’ behalf for any harm that we may have caused.”

Star also made a donation to the Dizzy Feet foundation, a charity Katie partially owns, designed to help “underprivileged young people realize their dream of becoming professional dancers.”

Jesus what a dumb charity. What a waste of money. They’re gonna spend a million dollars to help one person get a job that pays 60 grand. What kind of sense does that make? Just find the sluttiest, most insecure one and give her the money now before she starves herself to death.

Katie Holmes is a bad mom

By brendon March 16, 2011 @ 4:45 PM

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The Daily Mail says today that Katie Holmes was out with Suri, who is 4, at a restaurant called Serendipity 3 in New York last night, and on the way out Suri picked up a box of gummi penises.

The box features cartoon like drawings of male genitalia, and unsurprisingly Suri seemed somewhat captivated by the brightly coloured packaging which contained penis-shaped jelly sweets.
Katie seemed as oblivious to adult candy as she was to the late hour.
The phallic shaped sweets were quite clearly an inappropriate choice for the four-year-old.

As a guy I’m much less concerned with Suri seeing a penis than I am by the idea that a new generation of girls think a penis is supposed to be bitten and chewed.