The Us Magazine cover story this week goes inside the marriage of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. And by "goes inside" I mean "speculates wildly". US says:
Katie Holmes has hardly left Tom Cruise's side since they began dating in April 2005
However, that support has caused her grief. According to one Hollywood insider, the actress, who gave birth to daughter Suri last year, has been told by her husband to attend "mommy classes" taught by Scientologists.
Holmes now finds herself surrounded by fellow Scientologists.
From the time Holmes and Cruise began dating, the actress - who, pre-Cruise, did interviews without a publicist - has been assigned a Scientology "minder," whose job, according to a Scientology expert, is "to make sure that nothing is said or done that would be critical of the church."
In fact, virtually everyone on the couple's staff is a Scientologist. Says the source, "Everyone who works with Tom is technically minding Katie."
Wow, what a great guy! I wish I could marry him. Damn you Republicans!
TomKatCrazy has new pictures of Suri Cruise with mom and dad taken yesterday at the birthday party for Brooke Shields daughter, Grier Hammond (um, wasn't Katie supposed to be in Shreveport filming a movie. and is that where she left her conditioner). Grier and Suri were both born on April 18th, 2006 at the St. Johns hospital in Santa Monica. With any luck Grier is better looking than Suri, because Suri is a fuckin mess. She looks like something a caveman would have, or like when you see baby pictures of Andre the Giant. One eye is higher than the other and they're spaced 19 inches apart. She always looks like they just dropped her and her head is the three times the size of a normal human head. Poor Katie. Her vagina must look like taffy now, or like it's sticking its tongue out at you.
MSNBC says that Katie Holmes is using her time alone on her new film to re-connect with family and old friends and reclaim parts of her life that she gave up after she met Tom Cruise. The Scoop says:
Holmes is reconnecting with family and friends and even secretly talking to Catholic priests. Holmes was raised a Catholic, but since her marriage, has embraced Scientology, her husband’s religion. Holmes recently called a childhood pal named Meghann Birie, whom she hadn’t seen since meeting Cruise two years ago … “She wanted to talk to someone not in Camp Cruise,” a friend told the mag. “Katie told Meghann she can’t believe she abandoned her old life.”
The actress hasn’t been to church lately, but is “secretly talking to pastors” for advice, and wants to enroll Suri in “kiddie Catholicism” classes.
Some quick back story here: Prior to meeting Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes had always been extremely close to her family and friends, always been a devoted Catholic from a very Catholic family and always appeared loyal to her agent and manager. Then she disappeared for 16 days in April of 2005. 16 days when no one knew where to find her, 16 days when she had no contact with anyone she had always been close too. When she reappeared, she was the girlfriend of Tom Cruise, she fired her manager, and was a new convert to the church of Scientology (source).
Coincidence? Maybe. Only Tom Cruise knows for sure, and he’s not talking. Maybe a karate attack will take the blush out of those cheeks, Tom. Hi-ya!
SURI CRUISE IS ONE YEAR OLD TODAY - the baby girl of Tom Crusie and Katie Holmes turns one year old today, as previously implied by the headline. It's not known if the parents will throw a party for their only child, but if they do, I think a good theme would be something based on the Green River Killer. Maybe Rommel.
PARIS MIGHT GO TO JAIL - Paris Hilton will face a judge on May 4th and might actually end up in jail. In January, Hilton pleaded no contest to alcohol-related reckless driving and was sentenced to 36 months probation. Just one month later, she was arrested for driving with a suspended license. This is a violation of her probation and prosecutors are asking for Paris to be sentenced to 90 days in jail. Prosecutors are also asking if it's bad to clean a toaster with a knife, or is that just an old wives tale.
SCIENTOLOGISTS ARE VULTURES - The Church of Scientology has dispatched "ministers" to provide "grief counseling" for students at Virginia Tech after a gunman killed 33 people on campus Monday. Critics say this is a familiar pattern and that Scientology routinely uses tragedy (such as 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina) to convert people when they are at their most vulnerable. Another time people are at their most vulnerable: near fresh cookies.
Us.com says that Katie Holmes has spent hours in tears with friend Victoria Beckham because Tom Cruise is making her life miserable. Sources say:
"Katie has been crying over the phone. She's frustrated. Tom is denying her every single thing. Once, Katie and Victoria talked on the phone for four hours."
Which must be annoying for Cruise because it means he's getting the voice mail when he calls Victoria as he tries to badger her and husband David Beckham into joining his sham religion:
"Victoria is sick and tired of Tom being on her back about Scientology. Victoria is an old-fashioned British woman who believes in God. She finds it quite rude that Tom is bugging her so much. Not too long ago, Tom left 18 messages in one hour to get them to join the church. When she says no, she means no."
Well, actually 18 messages in one hour really isn't that many. Wait, there are 900 minutes in an hour, right? Oh, okay, never mind. I guess it is a lot. But it's really really important. Tom Cruise is just trying to help. One day soon, Tom Cruise will be on the ramp of a spaceship, waving goodbye to all of us on earth who didn't clear our engrams, wearing a silver jumpsuit with an X across his chest. Where's your "God" now Victoria? Not in a silver jumpsuit with Tom Cruise, I'll tell you that.
Katie Holmes is due to start shooting a comedy called "Mad Money" with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah in Shreveport, La., next month and sources say Tom Cruise has made it clear to all that he will be a constant presence on set. A source says:
"Tom has called producers and told them he will be on set every day. He wants to observe what's going on and will probably help Katie out."
Except replace the words "observe" and "help" with the words "stalk" and "gather intel". This movie is yet another strange turn in Katie’s career since she became involved with Cruise. Page Six says:
Cruise was said to be upset over her sex scene in last year's "Thank You for Smoking" - which was mysteriously missing during several festival screenings … Holmes gave up her role in the upcoming "Batman" sequel, and some in Hollywood said it was because of the romantic scenes she would have had with Christian Bale … The insider added, "Katie's agent, Hylda Queally (at CAA), chose this role (in "Mad Money") for her because it is a female buddy movie. There is no love interest and she wouldn't be kissing anyone or have a sex scene." Acheson declined comment on the script - which our source, who has seen it, said was "atrocious."
When asked for a comment, Cruise said, "what's the big deal. Look, if I'm so 'crazy,' then why did the aliens choose me to be their spokesperson to the people of Earth? Seems like a pretty important position, if you ask me."
